Legally Sane
by Spirit Evolution
Summary: [“Sayonara, Dwarfchan. Until we meet again.”][HieixOC][Complete!]
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Legally Sane

**Pairings:** HieixOC

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho. I do own my OC's and the story.

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**Prologue: Scooby Doo, where are you?**

The one thing I loathe above all is sports- So imagine my mood when I was forced to run for my life on what seemed to be the coldest day in Japanese history. Why am I running, you ask? Well it all has to do with my rather sceptical nature and the faith I've put into my own sanity- Which ultimately wound up with me being chased around by a freakin six foot _Thing_ that looked as if it had been ripped from the pages of a graphic horror novel.

I had been enjoying the scenic route home from school despite the chill of the evening and lack of sufficient lighting- I mean, who would bother trying to attack me? My appearance wasn't all that remarkable- lank black hair and questionable eyes…Nobody could seem to pinpoint the actual shade, but I suppose you _could_ call them grey in the right lighting. Did I happen to mention that Santa Claus skipped me when it came to handing out _feminine_ frames last Christmas? Yup, almost as straight and narrow as a friggin ironing board. Unappealing, eh? So imagine my surprise when this six foot hulk of swamp coloured flesh cornered me between the abandoned ice-cream truck and the children's swing set…

"_Human…I'm going to suck the marrow from your bones, after I've stripped the flesh from your body!_"

Now, correct me if I'm wrong…But 'monsters' don't exist in the real world, right? They were just a means to keep errant brats in line when they refused to go to bed on time. Therefore, you can't really blame me for _just_ laughing at the guy, right?

…

Alright, that wasn't _all_ I did. But c'mon, this guy was asking for it I swear! How many would-be molesters 'dressed' up (Badly I might add) as an extra from 'The Swamp Thing', and then proceeded to tell you he was going to eat you? It's no wonder that I was in hysterics. But then again, that might just be my weird sense of humour…

Anyway…Once my laughter had subsided to occasional giggles, I reached out a hand to grasp the sagging flesh at the apex of his neck and chin, quite ready to rip the ghastly 'mask' off of his face- Like those dudes from Scooby Doo…And with one swift jerk, I yanked my fisted hand upwards in a bid to remove it, only to find…

"And the masked villain is…Holy shit! what've you used on this? Superglue?"

Haha…I'm such a dumbass. Even at that point, I _still_ hadn't gotten the picture yet. I think I managed to inherit the blonde genes from my mother, despite my dark appearance. The 'monster' shrieked in apparent pain, and batted me away with a panicked arm.

Correction. He _slammed_ me into the nearest tree with a panicked arm, and it hurt. I mean, it really hurt- I think I sprained my butt-bone, cause I had felt the force streak up from that precious bone all the way to my skull. Wincing, I had shakily pushed myself to my feet after a few stunned moments filled with fluent curses.

"_Puny weakling! I'm going to suck the marrow from you-…_" he began again, hissing malevolently.

"Yeah, yeah…I think we covered that subject ten minutes ago." I'd interjected with a scowl, rubbing the base of my spine with measured strokes- Damn it ached.

A very large and intimidating shadow suddenly eclipsed what little light I had been previously standing in, and for some reason I was beginning to regret cutting him off. A meaty fist grasped me by the back of my school blazer, and all four feet of me was hoisted into the air to dangle helplessly in front of one _ugly_ looking mug. Uh-oh…

"H-how about we discuss this over a nice pot of tea…?" I'd enquired hesitantly, fruitlessly wriggling within his grip. At this rate, the force of gravity coupled with my slight weight would cause the fabric to rip…Then there'd be hell to pay when I got home. _If_ I got home, that was.

To say the least, Archibald (as I had dubbed him in my mind due to his bald patch) didn't look too impressed with my signal of truce. Nope, he merely shook me roughly, a hungry leer contorting the sagging flesh of his face, saliva hanging from his open jaw. Attractive…

"_I r going to eat you now._"

By that point, my sanity and scepticism had mysteriously evaporated, leaving me to quake in apparent terror at the imminence of my death by cannibalism. Panic had enveloped me, like stink envelopes a fat person if he walks faster than two miles an hour- Not that I could talk, I probably stank of fear-sweat…Y'know the kind you get that's all cold and sticky? Yeah, just like that. But then again, it hadn't compared to this guy's breath. Seriously, didn't monsters know about mouthwash?

Wisely, I kept that thought to myself as I was blasted with another gust of dragon breath- My face wrinkled with disgust and discomfort. I had to get away from that muscle-bound freak of nature, before he sunk those scary looking fangs into my neck.

Gathering up the remnants of my strength- Which had unfortunately vanished due to my fear- I had aimed a well place kick at where I _thought_ his family jewels were…At that point, I hoped that monsters were built in the traditional way…With most of the crucial parts in the right places…And when I had heard the wail of severe pain that only came from victims of disembowelment, I had immediately relaxed. Luckily so had his grip, and moments later I had found myself on the floor at the side of a writhing monster clutching his means to create a legacy.

"Ha! Who's a puny weakling, eh?! It's not me, that's for sure!" I'd taunted, flipping the mass of quivering flesh the bird. His earlier comment of 'puny' had rankled, as I am _really_ short.

My satisfaction was short-lived however, as he'd stopped his movements, and had pinned me with those piercing…liver-coloured eyes. With a growl, he'd lumbered to his feet- a hand reaching behind him to retrieve an enormous axe…Which he'd whipped out with the flourish of a cheerleader and her baton during a football game. That was when I had realised, that I'd overstepped my boundaries, and that it was time to run. So what didja think I did? I fucking ran!

So now here I am, running for my life with the incredible Hulk only a few steps behind me, wildly slashing that gargantuan axe at my vulnerable back.

"Somebody help! Archibald is gonna kill me! I don't wanna diiiiiiiieee….!!!"

If there was a God…I hope he'd be kind enough to send a dashingly handsome guy to my rescue, cause nobody wants to be saved by some ugly twit with bad acne, right?

I glanced over my shoulder, taking a giant leap forward to avoid being sliced in half by the slash-happy gorilla behind me. What the hell did I do to deserve this? I eat my vegetables, I do my homework and I keep myself clean- So why was this happening? Had the rules for leading a quiet normal life changed?!

My foot caught on a root, and I catapulted forward a few feet, clearing the shrub that could've obstructed my path, to land face first into the flower bed on the other side, my head narrowly missing the tree trunk that appeared directly in front of me.

"Owie…" I whined, turning my head to the side to spit out various flora and clods of dirt. I lay there for a few precious seconds, savouring each lungful of breath I managed to gasp in…Before that ominous shadow fell across my prone form once again. Frantic, I managed to scramble to my feet with enough speed to dodge the axe that was now imbedded in the earth I was previously occupying.

Archibald eyed me with sadistic pleasure, a thick orange tongue working it's way past his lips to smear saliva across the dry flesh- I shuddered. With each step forward he took, I took several steps back, until my spine was pressed hard against the rough timber of the tree behind me. Wonderful, I was trapped.

"_I r gonna eat you!_"

That axe was raised again, and poised to strike at any moment. I threw my arms up to shield my face and upper body, my entire being flinching from the nearness of my 'end'. I can't believe I'm going to die a virgin. No, scrap that- I can't believe I was going to die without having my first kiss. This was so lame. My hysterical shriek mingled with his war cry, and I waited for the blow to fall.

But…It didn't fall.

Cautiously, I popped open an eye, quickly glancing around to see what had interrupted my gruesome death scene. The lid lifted from the remaining closed eye, and I gaped in astonishment at my saviour- And let me tell you…He didn't resemble _anything_ close to my fantasy man, and I didn't hesitate to let him know either.

"Wow, was He _that_ understaffed that He had to send a dwarf to do the job?"

The figure in front of me twitched, and I was soon impaled with a look of utmost loathing from the 'dwarf'.

"Is that all you have to say? They are your last words you know."

His hand shifted, and I realised he was the only thing between me and that enormous axe- How strange that something pocket-sized could be so strong…My musings came to an end when his words finally sunk in.

"W-what? You stopped him from killing me, only to say I'm gonna die anyway?!"

My incredulity was quite apparent in my voice, and my fear caused it to hit a high note at the end of my sentence. Maybe I shouldn't have insulted the thing standing between me and death. Those red eyes narrowed a tad behind thick black bangs, and a smirk played at the corners of his mouth.

"I don't see why I have to put myself out for a pitiful _human_…_Especially_ one who just insulted me."

Ooh! That was cold! But he did have a point…He was only an inch taller than me, and could easily be classed as a midget…But still, I didn't have to point that out when he was protecting me.

His wrist bent a tad, a trickle of blood trickling from his bandaged palm, down his wrist to his elbow. That monster must've been exerting quite a lot of pressure, though the boy didn't seem all that fazed by it.

"Would it help if I said I was sorry?" I asked, my tone almost pleading. "'Cause I really am…I was just caught off guard is all…You being only a bit taller than I am…And I'm considered a midget…"

My ramblings came to an end, and I managed a sheepish smile. I hope he wasn't going to wander off and leave me to my fate…I really was too young to die.

He stared at me for a few moments, and I returned his glare with my famous 'puppy dog' eyes. Melt damn you! Melt! He snorted irritably, and returned his attention to the monster who, funnily enough, had remained silent. Perhaps he couldn't talk _and_ disembowel at the same time.

"_Oi shrimp…Ya standing in between me and my meal!_"

Judging from the guy's stiff shoulders, I think Archibald put his foot in his mouth. The dark haired boy made one lightening quick movement- And poor old Archibald released a startled shriek before falling to the floor in _two_ pieces, his axe falling with a jarring _thud_ onto the ground.

I blinked. Uh…?

"What just…Happened?"

Old grouchy pants glanced at me over his shoulder, his superior smirk widening a fraction.

"I killed him. Pathetic creature wasn't worth my time- Any decent Yokai would've dodged that on instinct."

His free hand rested lightly on the hilt of a sword on his left hip, and my eyes widened in realisation. He'd sliced the guy up in one move with his sword! My admiration, which was barely there to begin with, totally soared at that moment.

The boy nudged the carcass with his foot, before slowly turning around to face me. Boy had my first impression been wrong! This guy was _hot_! I mean…He had those heat waves blazing off of him, he was so hot. Curiously, I gave him the once over; black boots…black coat…black hair…Oh! Crimson eyes!…But what was that shifting restlessly beneath the white bandanna he wore…? Probably my imagination.

"What are you staring at woman?"

I blushed at the scorn in his voice, and I quickly ran a hand through my hair with a nervous laugh. "Oh, nothing!" I chirped, thinking of a way to change the topic. Of course, somebody interrupted me _just_ as I was about to break the uncomfortable silence that followed my last response.

"Hiei!"

"Bakayarou!"

The boy released a sullen; "Ch'" and grasped me by my upper arm. Before I even had the chance to protest, he leapt gracefully into the air, with me in tow and landed silently on a high branch. I of course, landed with a tad more difficulty, and he had to snake an arm around my waist to steady me.

"Y-you…! What the hell…"

"Urusei!" he hissed, clapping a hand over my mouth. It seemed little 'Hiei' didn't want those voices to locate him. Fine, I'll stay quiet.

Two boys appeared soon enough in the clearing below us; one with slicked back dark hair and a green uniform- The other a taller carrot-top with an ugly mug and a blue uniform. They paused briefly beneath us, and I held my breath, and from the sound of it, so did Hiei.

"Where'd that short-ass go? He suddenly tore off without a word!" the gorilla whined, his hand poised above his eyes as he attempted to 'search' for the elusive boy.

"Yare, yare…Ya know we can't find him, if he don't wanna be found," the other replied, settling his back against the trunk of the tree we were currently sitting in. "And ya really look stupid when ya do that," he added as an afterthought.

"Urusei teme!" he roared, dropping his hand as if it had been scalded. "Well, I'm not going to shed any tears, Hiei! In fact, I'm glad you're gone!"

Hiei stiffened at my side, and I shot him a sidelong look. Ouch! He looked like he was ready to bite his own tongue- Probably to keep himself from giving out his hiding spot just to insult the big guy below.

"Anyhow…I'm gonna head home. Hanging around out here ain't entertaining, and it's fucking cold. Come on dumbass, you can crash at my place."

The shorter of the two strolled off, leaving the 'dumbass' standing there looking stupefied.

"Urameshi, I'm seriously gonna kill you!" he shrieked, and belted after the other.

Then…There was silence. Blessed silence…Which was soon filled with hate-filled curses from my companion. I watched on in mild amusement, his hand still fastened to my mouth. Maybe if I…

He recoiled instantly with a look of utter disgust etched on those pixie-like features, and I released a hearty chuckle.

"What the hell did you do that for, woman?" he ground out, wiping the palm of his hand on his long coat.

"My name isn't 'woman', it's Lydia for starters…" I began imperiously; "And secondly, you had your hand clamped over my mouth, and my lips were getting dry- I had to moisten them."

Haha, I licked his palm and he looked as if I had just tried to eat his hand whole. He glared daggers at me for a moment, then sprung out of the tree and landed with feline-like grace on the ground below.

Thrusting his hands in his pockets, he gave me a long look; "Next time, don't go wandering around secluded places in the dark- Not unless you want to get eaten by another one of those idiots."

And then he was gone. And I hadn't even asked him about Archibald and the strange happenings either!

Dazed and even more confused, I slid out of the tree and landed awkwardly on the ground. When I glanced at the area where the monster had once lain- I realised he was no longer there, and neither was his axe. He must've disintegrated almost immediately after he'd been slain. No love lost there. Gnawing lightly on her lower lip, I decided that the events of this evening were probably due to my low energy levels, my high intake of sugar…And school related stress. The cure? A long bath and then eight hours of quality sleep.

Taking one last look in the direction Hiei had walked off in, I turned away and wandered home.

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**Spirit:** Okay, this is my first time writing in the first person for a fanfiction...This chapter might not have had much real action in it, but I think the story will be in full swing in the next installment. _Constructive_ criticism is welcomed, and so are complimentary reviews.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** Legally Sane

**Pairings:** HieixOC

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho. I do own my OC's and the story.

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**Chapter One: Who're ya gonna call? Ghostbusters!**

I don't know which day I dislike more…Mondays or Fridays. What? Fridays can be _just_ as bad as Mondays! Just think about it…

Mondays are the start of the week- The day you need to hand in 75 of your homework (handwritten _and_ complete), the day we have morning assembly which is _supposed_ to last fifteen minutes, but usually takes forty-five minutes filled to the brim of mind numbing crap that nobody cares about. It's also the day I happen to have P.E.

Fridays on the other hand are what people _usually_ look forward to…Well any normal person with a positive personality. If you hadn't gathered by now- I'm quite the discontented pessimistic party pooper. It's really not my fault, honestly! I see Fridays as the longest day of the week. Time always slows down to a snail's crawl until you're about ready to rip off each and every nail from all of your fingers in intense frustration. And unfortunately I have a shitload of the most boring subjects imaginable in my five one-hour time slots.

Guess what day it is today? Bingo! It's Friday! And unfortunately…

"Lydia? Are you ready yet?"

My mother's voice floated up from the stairwell, and I gradually flopped onto my opposite side, cracking open one sleep glazed eye to glance blearily at my alarm clock.

-8:45am-

…It hasn't gotten off to a great start. I'm going to be late for school. Again. Shit.

The next few minutes passed by in a flurry of movement- I bounded from one end of my room to the other, pulling on various items of clothing as quickly as possible, whilst trying to tie my hair up in some semblance of a neat ponytail. Out the corner of my eye, I caught sight of my dirt-stained skirt from the night before.

'_Did I really get attacked by a monster last night?'_ I wondered absently, pulling my sock up the length of my calf, _'And that guy…Was he real, or was that part of my tired imagination too?'_

A snicker from the entrance to my room drew my attention, and I couldn't help the frustrated snarl that sprung to my lips. It was Hamtaro- Ahem, I mean _Keitaro_…My younger brother whom I mercilessly embarrass with his pet name 'Hamtaro'; after my favourite Hamster Hero due to the immense chubbiness of his freckled cheeks.

"Whaddya want, Hammy-kun?" I queried- my tone sweetly acidic as I pushed my head through the neck of my school sweater.

His eyes blazed with mild pique, though his mouth stayed in that unsettlingly superior smirk; "That's Keitaro-_sama_ to you baka," came his reply.

"Eh?" I stared blankly at him for a moment, my head cocked to the side. "Whazzat twerp?"

"You're going to do _all_ of my chores this week, as well as your own;" he continued, clasping his hands behind his back.

Now correct me if I am wrong on this one- But aren't younger brothers supposed to fear and adore their older siblings? What on earth was this blatant disrespect?! My lips curled into a feral grin, as I continued to race about my room looking for lost textbooks and stationary.

"And what in Kami-sama's name are ya babbling about, eh? What on earth gives you the idea that I'd _willingly_ do your chores on top of my own?" I was really curious.

That Cheshire grin widened considerably, and from behind his back he produced a small Polaroid of…

My eyes almost popped out of my skull. Despite my quick pace, my movements had become rather jerky in my surprise. The photo was of me…Clutching my Hamtaro plushie…With drool trailing from the corner of my open mouth. Oh. My. God.

My reaction had obviously pleased him, as he laughed; "I see that you are beginning to understand the implications your refusal would cause, anewe."

Why that little…! I scowled darkly, my eyes darting from side to side in contemplation of my dire situation. I _was_ a few inches taller than my younger brother- But despite my diminutive height, I was miles stronger and light-years faster than him.

I grabbed my backpack, and without breaking my panicked stride, I whirled out of the room with awkward grace- landing a solid fist atop my junior sibling's head. He screeched in pain, and I snatched the snapshot from his slack grip.

"Didja _really_ think you could outsmart me, otouto?" I called over my shoulder as I reached the stairs. "Cause that was some serious underestimation ya just demonstrated. Don't mess with the master of Blackmail; you'll end up worse off in the end."

And there ended my little high and mighty speech. Without any further interruptions, I sped down the stairs and through the kitchen, snatching a half eaten rice ball from my father's hand.

"Ittekimasu!" I yelled around the rice in my mouth, practically jumping into my shoes and hurtling out the front door. I barely heard the answering; "Itte irasshai!" from my parents.

In the distance I could see the bus arriving at my stop, and the bottom fell out of my stomach.

'_I'm not going to make it…'_ I thought frantically, willing my legs to move that little bit faster. If I missed the bus, I'd be seriously late. I lifted an arm, and waved furiously at the bus, right where the driver could see me too, but did he wait? No! The bastard freakin left me in a cloud of exhaust fumes with my hand outstretched in supplication. Releasing a pent up sigh, I glanced heavenwards in question- Why me? Then I noticed the clouds had visibly darkened and the thunder rolled off in the distance.

Nope, my day had _not_ gotten off to a good start.

* * *

I'd arrived, as predicted earlier, late. So, what's a girl to do? Luckily enough it was still homeroom, but unfortunately I had one of those 'stick-up-the-ass' teachers. My plan of action? Sneak in without anyone noticing me! How hard could it be? It's not like I'm noticeable or anything… 

I poked my head around the doorjamb slowly, my almost colourless eyes darting back and forth between the front of the class, to the back. Strangely enough, it seemed my teacher wasn't there. Was she late? Dare I hope?!

Taking a deep breath, I placed one foot on the threshold of the room and slid the rest of my body in after it. Oh yes! She wasn't here! Celebrate for I have fought with tardiness and won!

"Takeshima, you're late!"

I swear I jumped about a foot in the air, as those words were bellowed into my ear. Visibly sweating, I raised both my hands in silent treaty (much like the white flag…without the white flag part) and muttered my deepest apologies.

"Gomen, gomen!!"

She looked like she was ready to eat me for breakfast- That was how fierce that glare was. I'm ashamed to say, I was reduced to a blubbering mass of teenager when confronted with such an expression. She was scary, so sue me!

"Take your seat," she murmured silkily, catching me completely off guard. Perhaps I was going to get away with it this time…It wasn't as if I did this often. I slipped into my seat quietly, and almost had a heart attack when two slim hands slammed down on my clutter-free desk.

"You have a two hour detention with me this evening…" she murmured, then added a discrete; "If you even _think_ of skipping, or arriving late- I'll make sure your life isn't worth living." She paused; "Wakarimasu ka?"

"H-hai, wakarimasu!" I stuttered immediately, blinking rapidly.

She gave me one of those creepy 'I've-gotcha!' smiles, and I cringed. Kami, this woman was scary. Releasing a sigh, I glanced at the clock- This was going to be one long day.

* * *

I _hate_ staying late after school…Haha, funny how I seem to start my sentences with something negative…The corridors seemed a _lot_ more disturbing when the students and teachers left…_Especially_ when it was nearing six o'clock in the evening in winter. My homeroom teacher had left half way through my detention with the promise of dire retribution if I even _thought_ about cutting my punishment short. She'd said she'd know if I'd left…There really _was_ something strange about her- And those 'hungry' looks she'd been sending me recently was beginning to creep me out. 

"Yare, yare…Why am I the _only_ one that old hag picks on?!" I whined pathetically, shifting the mountain of paper in my arms. Damn, they were beginning to ache from over exertion. What did she think I was? A freakin pro-wrestler?!

It wasn't until I had reached the math's department that a strange chill chased its way up my spine. For some reason, it seemed vaguely familiar…Like that odd feeling I had _just_ before I was attacked by Archibald…That's _if_ it even happened in the first place.

Peeking over my shoulder, I saw that the darkened corridor was just as it had been a few moments ago- There was _nothing_ hiding in the shadows that lined both sides of the hall…Nope, nothing whatsoever to worry about…

Two arms snaked around my waist, and I felt myself hauled backwards into an impossibly hard chest.

"_Well, well, well…What do we have here?_"

I squeaked, dropping the entire pile of papers onto the floor with an odd _thud_. I squirmed feebly for a moment or two, flinching as I felt the stranger's breath caress the outer shell of my ear, followed by the flick of something warm and wet…

"Ew you just _licked_ me!" I yelled, twisting my body in such a way to make it easier for me to jam my elbow into his gut. Seconds later and I was on my knees and my would-be attacker a few steps behind gasping for breath.

Now, if he had simply held me in place, I wouldn't have freaked out and nudged him in the stomach- But seriously, he invaded my personal space _and_ he assaulted me…What did he think I'd do? Whimper all meek like? Hell no!

Pushing myself to my feet, I whirled on him with a fist raised, my hair fighting its way out of the constricting ponytail to fall limply over my eyes. Damn I hate my hair! Brushing it out of the way, I glared as icily as I could at the intruder- Only to fall face down onto the floor from immense surprise. My molester was none other than my homeroom teacher!

Jumping to my feet again after a moment's hesitation, I pointed an accusatory finger at Suzuki-sensei (my teacher's name if you hadn't guessed already); "Chotto matte! Teachers aren't supposed to _lick_ their students! What's the matter with you?!"

Suzuki-sensei, leered hungrily at me, absently twirling a lock of russet coloured hair around her finger. "_There's nothing wrong with me…You looked particularly tempting this evening, so…I decided to have a taste._"

I physically sweatdropped. Seriously. I could _actually_ see the droplet of salty liquid slide down the side of my head. It was nuts! Since when have I _ever_ looked tempting enough to lick?! Eh?

Suzuki-sensei eyed me appraisingly and stepped forward- I took a few steps back. Déjà Vu anyone? Her hand twitched, and my eyes were drawn to the sharp object she clutched tightly between thin fingers. Was that a knife??

"Uh…Suzuki-sensei…?" I began hesitantly, taking yet another awkward step back.

"_What is it, Takeshima?_" came the purred response.

I gulped audibly; "Uh, why are you wandering around the school with a knife?"

Suzuki-sensei blinked owlishly, and then released a short high pitched cackle- her free hand rubbing the back of her head and cheerfully replied; "_Well…Wouldn't it be just a tad messy if I stripped the flesh from your bones with my teeth, rather than gently slicing it off with a knife?_"

"As, soo desu ka!" I replied, my confused expression clearing for a moment. "So you mean to eat me?"

"_Hai!_!"

We both laughed…Then simultaneously stopped a few moments later.

"Nani?!"

The look of hunger she'd worn before had obviously been muted, as her eyes had taken on a red sheen…And the aura she was giving off now was beginning to stifle me- I was terrified!

She advanced on me yet again, that knife of hers lifting so that it was hanging above her head; "_Itadakimasu_!"

I screamed, and ducked out of the way- The knife imbedding itself up to the hilt in the wall right where my head had been. Oh my God, she was totally serious about eating me! What was up with that? Wasn't there a law against teacher's eating their students???

"Houtteoite!" I yelled over my shoulder, as I hurtled down the darkened corridor.

"_Chotto matte kudasai!_"

"Iie! What do you think I am? Stupid??"

A loud crash resounded behind me, and I slowed down enough so that I could peer over my shoulder. Had she fallen down? A dustbin slammed into the wall at my side, the trash flying out from the force of the collision. Shrieking, I slipped on a day old banana peel and skidded the few feet down the corridor, my middle smashing into the stairwell railing.

"Itai…" I whined, sliding to the floor in a crumpled heap. The wind had been knocked out of me, and all I could do was lie there until I regained the necessary amount of oxygen needed to help me escape the madwoman.

A shadow loomed over my prone form, and in panic, I scooted back against the railing, my entire body shaking with immense fear. Now everyone knows how scary Suzuki-sensei could be in class…Now take that scare factor and multiply it by infinity and you'd get the sorta feeling I had at that moment. MY TEACHER WAS GOING TO EAT ME!

"S-Suzuki-sensei- I don't think I'd taste very good…I mean I'm a runt! My flesh would be really stringy and tasteless…Like that week old liver they decided to serve us at lunch? Remember that? Huh?!"

Suzuki-sensei sneered at me, the knife raising again- Then descending in slow motion. My mind went blank with terror, the sweat that had built up on the back of my neck slid a sticky trail down my spine to pool at the waistband of my school skirt. The splintering of glass from behind Suzuki-sensei fell on partially deaf ears, and my eyes shut in dull acceptance.

A sudden breeze swept across my face, and instead of being doused with the chill of death, I was embraced in warmth- The steady beat of a human heart audible beneath my cheek. My brow crinkled in mild confusion and my eyes slowly re-opened to focus on…

"Dwarf-chan!?"

The boy growled lowly at the nickname and I had a feeling he was going to drop me for my 'insolence'. Instead, his arms tightened around my shaking form, and he took a giant leap back, landing in a crouch on the stairwell railings, narrowly avoiding the blade my teacher seemed so proficient at wielding.

"Kisama…My name isn't 'Dwarf-chan'…It's Hiei of the Jaganeshi. Remember it foolish ningen, or next time I might actually _drop_ you."

"H-hai!! My bad!!"

Just for the extra security, I wound my arms tightly around his neck and I buried my face in his chest, (o0o he smelt really nice by the way…). Hiei stiffened somewhat at the additional contact, but had obviously decided that this wasn't the time to dispute it.

"_Demon…Why are you meddling in the affairs of others?_" Suzuki-sensei hissed, her eyes narrowing at the ebon-haired male.

"Pitiful Yokai- Deceiving and then preying on little girls; you really are a nasty piece of work."

My teacher snarled, a noise so inhuman that I decided to take a gander at her condition- Only to see something so frightening that my heart almost stopped.

A stranger had seemed to have taken Suzuki-sensei's place…For the person who faced us now did not have the fierce beauty of my homeroom teacher of several months. No- This person wasn't even _female_ let alone human. True, the hair of this monster had retained it's russet colour and it's height had stayed the same- But that is where the similarities ended. Long fangs protruded sharply over thin lips drawn back in a hateful sneer; the eyes that had once been slanted and the colour of forget-me-nots had widened to three times their original size and were a plain red- No pupils marring the iris. From between emaciated shoulder blades, two extra arms protruded, thin and gangly with three thick fingers tapering off into yellowish claws. No…This was not my Suzuki-sensei…

"W-who is that?" I stammered, staring straight at the disgusting creature.

Before Hiei could answer me, the monster launched itself at us for a final attack- Strangely enough my saviour couldn't seem to move out of the way fast enough. Just as I thought that we were _both_ done for, an almost feminine voice called out;

"Rose whip!"

The creature halted it's movements, the arm that had raised to erase us from the here and now caught in the vice like grip of a simple green vine- thick and covered in thorns. I glanced behind the monster and saw a young female with vibrant red hair land gracefully, the vine held taut in her grip.

"It seems you've gotten yourself in trouble again Hiei- But who would've thought it would be over a _girl_…"

"Aa; Chibi seems to be entering _that _stage of his life. How cute."

The large boy from the night before appeared at the redhead's side, a sickeningly superior smirk curving his rather large mouth. I could suddenly feel the anger seething off of Hiei at this point, and I wisely kept my mouth shut.

"Ma, ma…This ain't the time for jokes. Oi teme…" a huskier voice called out, the owner landing directly between the other two- "Pickin on defenceless girls ain't what I'd call fair- So how bout we even up the score, ne?"

The tough guy raised his arm, and pointed his index finger straight at the monster's back.

"Eh…Hiei, perhaps ya'd better move; my finger's gonna pack quite a punch- REI GUN!"

A giant ball of light had accumulated at the tip of this boy's finger during his warning, and it was released in a torrent of static electricity the size of a freakin pizza! Seriously! I released an ear splitting screech- Hiei merely grunted and performed a neat back flip off of the railings.

We landed gracefully on the ground floor, and I watched in awe as the monster's body was entirely vaporized…Correction, it seemed everything below the _neck_ was vaporized for the head landed directly in front of me moments later- Half of the face melted so bad that I couldn't even tell what it had looked like before.

"Oi, Hiei! Are you two alright?"

Hiei grunted an affirmative, and glanced down into my horror stricken eyes.

"S-Suzuki-sensei…?" No response. My body shook harder, and black dots appeared before my eyes, blinding my vision. I couldn't even see him anymore- My body was starting to shut down by itself.

"Lydia?"

His voice sounded distant and the rushing noise in my ears reached it's crescendo. I barely caught the gruff bark of; "Baka onna…" before I fell headfirst into oblivion.

* * *

**Spirit:** Yosh! Another chapter down! Sorry for taking so long, but I was finishing it piece by piece at work...And everyday I realized _something_ was missing, so I had to re-read the chapter and add some extra stuff to keep you guys from getting confused... Anyway, I'd like to thank all those wonderful people who reviewed the last installment; Uh...Anonymous, ROGMethos, Sofie, Shadow-Ninja-Fay, Era and The Evil Bubble (aka Zoe). Y'all know the drill; _constructive_ criticisim is welcomed, as are complimentary reviews! Ja ne!

**Japanese Glossary:**

**Anewe:** Sister

**Otouto:** Little brother

**Kami-sama:** God

**Ittekimasu:** I'm leaving

**Itte irasshai:** Hurry back/ See you later

**Gomen:** Sorry

**Wakarimasu ka?:** Do you understand?

**Hai wakarimasu:** Yes, I understand

**Yare yare:** My my...

**Chotto matte:** Wait a minute

**As, soo desu ka!:** Ah, I see!

**Nani?:** What?

**Itadakimasu:** Lets eat

**Houtteoite:** Leave me alone

**Iie:** No

**Itai:** Ouch

**Kisama:** You bastard (Quite insulting)

**Teme:** Same as above...

**Baka onna:** Stupid girl


	3. Chapter 3

**Title:** Legally Sane

**Pairings: **HieixOC

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho. I do own my OCs and the story.

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**Chapter Two: Dude looks like a lady!**

I woke up to the familiar sounds of nature beginning to stir; my wrist rubbing awkwardly across my eyes in an effort to remove the sleep that seemed to act as a sealant, keeping my eyelids stuck together. Grunting softly, I pushed myself up on my elbows and gave the room a sleepy once over and surmised that this was _not_ my room.

For one, it was too clean and clutter-free. Secondly, I don't remember becoming a minimalist- This room only had the futon I was currently relaxing on, as well as a small table at the opposite end of the room where some fresh clothes lay piled _neatly_. I was in hell.

Flopping onto my back, I flung an arm across my face, and contemplated the events of the past two days, and came to the conclusion that I have been cursed…By whom? Well there are more than a few likely candidates; as I've said before, I'm not all that popular amongst my peers _or_ my teachers. But then again, there's only one who abhors my very existence.

Kanzaki-sensei despises me. I can't say that I don't know why, I'd probably hate me too if I slept during my lectures, and ended up besmirching my good teaching name by being the _only_ student who failed the _same _class three times in a row over the _same_ question. Pathetic really, but that's what I get for not studying.

Now, why should I believe that Kanzaki-sensei would be the most likely candidate? Well, I _had_ heard rumours that the psycho had been seen in the library checking out a book labelled; 'The Dummies Guide to Cursing your Students'.

Anyway, back to my original thought. I have definitely been cursed. I have been attacked by monsters of the span of two days- The first being a really random attack by an extra from 'The Thing', the second by my very own homeroom teacher. This was definitely getting freaky. Then again, would it count as being 'cursed' if I was saved by a seriously hot guy? I guess even curses have their up sides, ne?

The sound of heavy footsteps echoing dully down the hall outside my room drew me out of my thoughts, and I glanced idly at the door. The steps came to an abrupt stop, and the irritated tones of 'Dwarf-chan' filtered through the partition.

"Would you be quiet you hapless oaf? You're going to wake up Ningenkai with your stomping around, let alone the onna in the next room!"

There was a short silence, and I counted to three…

"Nani?! Oi teme, children should be seen and not heard…Or in your case, both would be preferable!"

A growl reverberated out in the hall, and I had to repress a sigh. It was obvious how this little altercation was going to end, so I slipped out from between the sheets, and padded over to the sliding door.

The panel slid open with a flourish, and I stood in the doorway with one hand braced on the wall, my shoulder resting nonchalantly on the jamb. An eyebrow shot up in enquiry, as my gaze shot from one boy to the other, both still grappling with each other on the floor. Hiei was the first to notice my presence, and had obviously decided to end this quickly, as two seconds later, the tall boy was flat on his front, with the dark haired boy's knee jammed between his shoulder blades, and a meaty arm was bent at an almost impossible angle.

"K'so!" the carrot-topped one hissed, squirming within Hiei's grasp; "Chibi, let go!"

"Kisama…You shouldn't provoke someone who is evidently stronger."

I watched the exchange in silence, a hand pressed to my forehead. This conversation wasn't getting anywhere fast…

A chorus of pained yells brought my eyes open with a snap, and I deadpanned at the pile of recently defeated boys on the floor and gaped at the extremely short old woman who was perched casually atop them.

"Damn kids…" she muttered gruffly, "Haven't you got any manners? First you start a fight in my house, and then you disturb this girl's much needed rest…I should teach you boys a lesson!"

The old woman continued her ranting, seemingly oblivious to my presence, and I just watched on in stunned silence. How could a frail woman such as she, have brought down a six foot gorilla and the impressive Hiei without breaking so much as a sweat?

It wasn't long before I realized that all had grown silent, and that eight pairs of eyes were staring directly at me. Woah, rewind! Eight? When had the other five arrived?! I coughed awkwardly into my fisted hand, and drew the folds of my robe together a tad tighter than before.

"Did I…Miss something?" I queried with as much dignity as I could muster.

The silence continued, and it was growing rather uncomfortable. That is up until someone had the sense to break it;

"Konichiwa…Watashi no namae wa Yukina desu…Yoroshiku onegaishimasu!"

The smallest and youngest looking one of the bunch, performed a graceful bow, a shy smile twitching at the corners of her mouth. I really couldn't help what happened next…

"Kawaii!" I shrieked, grabbing Yukina by the front of her intricately tied obi and into my open arms. Now, I may be a total outcast, and possibly even thought of as leaning more towards the masculine end of my sexual spectrum…But I still found adorable things well…Adorable. And this girl was just that.

The others stared at me in stunned curiosity, but the animosity that I had felt emanating from Hiei's stiff form had slowly evaporated, and I began to relax. Reluctantly, I released the mint-haired darling, due to the fact that she was being suffocated by my modest cleavage.

The other's quickly introduced themselves in quick succession; the old woman was Genkai who was Yusuke's (earlier dubbed 'Tough Guy') sensei of a sort…Then there was the chick with big brown eyes…That was Yusuke's part time girlfriend and full time babysitter Keiko…The ditzy girl with the blue hair riiiight at the back was Botan (What the fuck?) and she was Yusuke's assistant for something or other…Kuwabara was the carrot-topped gorilla…And lastly was the redheaded Kurama- And that is where my attention was now fixed.

Kurama seemed to grow uncomfortable, as she took a hesitant step back, a sweatdrop appearing at the side of her head. "…Is something…wrong?"

I blinked, then shook my head vigorously; "No no! It's just that…" I trailed off into shy silence, twirling a strand of hair around my finger, quite uncharacteristic for me too…"…You're a really beautiful lady!"

My sudden outburst was met with shocked stillness. I glanced from one startled face to the next, unsure of whether or not what I had said was the right thing. Perhaps they thought I was gay? I quickly rushed to reassure them that I was not.

"Oh wait! That didn't come out right! I'm not a lesbian or anything…Not that I'm shying from that side of my sexuality, but I like guys! I hope you won't take my earlier comment the wrong way Kura-chan!" My arms waved frantically up and down, my cheeks turning several shades of pink. The last thing I wanted was for all the girls to think I'd start hitting on them or anything….

Yusuke was the first to break the silence- He clutched his stomach and started laughing like there was no tomorrow! The rest followed suit, each in their own stages of hilarity- Well everyone save Hiei and Kurama. Hiei merely sat there with a slight smirk on his mouth- Kurama stood there, scratching the side of her head in embarrassment.

"What? Did I say something wrong?"

I was utterly clueless.

Hiei snorted softly, his eyes dancing with amusement; "Kurama is a man."

I blinked, and eyed Kurama from my vantage point. Long silky red hair, liquid green doe-like eyes…Feminine posture…And the fact that I could smell the scent of roses from where I was standing…I slammed a bare foot onto the wooden floorboards and pointed an accusatory finger at the redhead.

"Nuh-uh!" I protested loudly, "That is most definitely a girl!"

Kurama's cheeks darkened a shade; "I think you'll find that I _am_ a man."

No way! This beautiful vision of femininity was a guy?! I decided to find out for myself- There was only _one_ way I knew of to test if a guy was a girl or vice versa.

"Well, I guess I'll have to examine her myself then…" I slowly strode over to where the redhead stood, my arms outstretched in what could only be described as the 'grabby-hands' gesture. "This is the Touchy Feely Test…Nothing and I mean _nothing_ escapes the notice of these fingers!"

The others watched me in awe as I placed both my hands palm down on Kurama's chest, and I slowly felt around for any tell-tale lumps or bumps where breasts would inevitably be. Nope she was as flat as a pancake.

"Well…" I announced, "Not everyone can be blessed with cleavage!"

My statement didn't go down so well, as everyone seemed to fall to the floor simultaneously. Kurama remained where she was, but her head had fallen back in exasperation.

"Kurama isn't 'blessed with cleavage' 'cause he's a guy!" Yusuke yelled out from beneath the pile of his friends.

"Now that's just rude!" I huffed, "Just because she doesn't have enormous breasts, doesn't make her a guy!"

I felt so indignant that these idiots could slander this beauty's name just because she didn't have a chest! I scowled darkly at the group, and patted Kurama's chest consolingly. "I'm sure that when you hit puberty, your feminine attributes will come out in full force!" I assured her happily. "Don't let what these sex-driven fiends say upset you."

"Look…Lydia was it? I am most _definitely_ male…" Kurama's voice seemed to get deeper with each word, and the way she was looking at me gave me the feeling of a male predator about to molest his next female victim.

"U-Uh…" I stammered, taking a quick step back; she took a step forward and caged me in with each arm braced either side of my head. "I've already said that I don't swing that way…"

The predatory glint hadn't disappeared, and I felt myself gulp nervously, pushing myself as far back against the wall as was humanly possible without _actually_ sinking through the wood.

'_Ack…She's a woman-eating lesbian!'_ I screeched in my mind, as she brought herself even closer to my body.

Hiei, who'd been watching this all from the start, decided to step in. One bandaged hand hooked around the waistband of Kurama's jeans, and with one simple movement, he had them pooling around the redhead's ankles. We both froze in amazement.

"There's one _other_ way to tell if a man is really a man…" Hiei drawled, taking a stand beside me.

My lips pursed in indecision, and my eyes never wavered from Kurama's intensely flushed face. Should I look down? If she was a girl, then there'd be no problem…But if she turned out to be the man she'd proclaimed to be…Then I'd be in trouble.

"Gomen…" I murmured apologetically, my eyes staring into hers moments before they dropped to gaze at what she had below the waist. My eyes almost popped out of my skull.

"Aiiieee!" I shrieked, shoving the _boy_ away from me, my hands clapping across my injured eyes. "My virgin eyes, you've tainted me you…You deceitful bastard!"

Kurama was stunned by my sudden movements, and ended up in a most embarrassing position on the floor- Spread-eagled with those jeans still hanging around his ankles. Everyone started laughing again; I suppose my reaction to the truth was quite amusing.

"I told you…" came the voice from my right, and I glared dispassionately at the speaker.

Releasing a sigh, I began my usual string of apologies, my head bobbing up and down in contrition. This meeting hadn't gotten off to a great start.

* * *

After that embarrassing situation in the hall, I was allowed to slip back into my room to pull on the spare clothes that had been left out for me- My school uniform had been irreparable, or so Genkai had told me when I'd asked.

Pulling the comb through my hair one last time, I glanced at myself in the full-length mirror and grimaced. I didn't look as bad as I usually did, but the dark circles under my eyes was giving me a 'corpse' look that didn't sit too well with me. Shrugging, I rolled the sleeves of my borrowed sweatshirt up and above my elbows, then bent at the waist to do the same to the jeans. With that accomplished, I slid the door open and padded off down the hallway to the room where everyone had convened.

I nervously shuffled into the room after a moments hesitation at the door, and opted to park my rear next to Hiei who happened to be perched atop the windowsill rather than seated in the semi-circle that had formed around the oval coffee table. Oh well, I don't think I'd want to get stuck in between Yusuke and Kuwabara…They seemed prone to starting fights over the simplest of things, and I didn't want to get caught in the middle.

"O genki desu ka, Lydia?" Genkai queried, sipping absently at the green tea she held cupped in wrinkled hands.

"H-hai! Genki desu, Genkai-san."

"From what I heard, you haven't had the most pleasant of days recently, have you?" she continued after my affirmation.

"Hai…That was the second time I've been attacked by a monster…Though the first time, I thought it might have been the product of my tired imagination. But the second attack totally blew that theory to smithereens, didn't it?" I laughed nervously, rubbing the back of my head.

"Did either of your assailants tell you why they wanted you dead?"

I shrugged, and turned my head to look out of the window behind me. I knew Hiei sensed my sudden stiffness, for he adjusted his position slightly. "Iie…They only said that they wanted to eat me. No hidden motive. I suppose I might appear tasty to monsters."

"I don't find you in the least bit appetizing, baka onna…So that can't be the reason," Hiei piped up, his eyes narrowing a fraction.

That caught my attention. "And what's that supposed to mean, Dwarf-chan?" I challenged, shooting him a curious look over my shoulder.

"What Hiei is _trying_ to say…" Kurama interjected, shooting Hiei a ruffled look as his hand had strayed to the hilt of his sword at the infuriating nickname; "Is that those creatures that attacked you weren't 'monsters', they were 'demons' who had somehow made their way into Ningenkai."

"Yeah, but what has that got to do with Hiei not finding me appetizing?"

There was a pregnant pause, and Hiei rolled his eyes.

"I'm a demon."

"As, soo desu ka?" I smiled brightly, and patted his head. "You're a demon? That's nice."

Off to my left I could hear Kuwabara murmuring a quick; "She doesn't understand, does she?" To which Yusuke replied; "Nah…Her brain will connect the dots properly in a moment or two though."

Hiei was a demon? No way! But then again, I didn't believe him when he said that Kurama was a man…So maybe he was telling the truth.

"A demon…Then that would explain…" I trailed off, thinking back to our first meeting, where he had held the first monster's giant axe away from me with just one hand…"And the time when…" My mind switched to a different scene to where Hiei' had moved with a speed unnatural to humans.

Hiei watched me carefully, looking as if he was ready to jump away from me should I go into hysterics. I didn't of course…Instead I just let out a sigh, and turned around fully to look at him; "I knew there was something strange…A guy who's barely taller than me, holding back a monster four times his size with one hand? That would've been impossible for a human."

"I'm not sure whether you've insulted me or not."

I placed a finger against the corner of my mouth thoughtfully; "I think I might have done both- I insulted your height…And unless you see being thought of as a normal human an insult, I actually complimented you."

"Hn…" he grunted, before pushing himself off of the sill to stalk over to a darkened corner.

"Well, the question we need to pose now, is whether or not these attacks were random. Genkai, what are your thoughts on the matter?"

All of our attention was turned to the old lady, and she sipped lightly at her tea. "Well, the first attack we could've written off as a one time thing…But having her homeroom teacher attack her after school hours during a detention she herself gave…There's got to be something going on here."

All eyes were then on me, and I waved my hands at them in protest.

"Why're you looking at me for? I don't know anything!" I paused. "But I was going on this whole curse theory." My statement was met with blank stares. "Well, there's this teacher at my school who really dislikes me…And apparently he's checked out a book for cursing students from the library a few days ago and…"

I trailed off into silence, my shoulders wilting. "Maybe I'll shut up now."

"Anyway…Until we know what is threatening Lydia…One of you must shadow her movements and keep her out of trouble. Any volunteers?"

Yusuke raised a hand, then quickly lowered it after a swift stab in the ribs from Keiko's elbow; Jealous girlfriend? Not cool. Kurama murmured his apologies- He didn't have enough spare time to keep an eye on me properly, and I'd probably be attacked when he wasn't looking. I rolled my eyes at the lame excuse. The girls couldn't do anything about it, so that left Hiei and Kuwabara.

The carrot haired boy leapt up from his spot and knelt in front of me, squalling; "I, Kuwabara the man shall protect you!" Then he took my hand in his, and firmly planted a sloppy kiss on the knuckles. I repressed a shudder of keen revulsion.

"Ah…Arigato…But I think I can manage by myse-…"

I was instantly cut off by Kuwabara's keening cry of pain, and I found him halfway across the room nursing a bleeding hand. Hiei now stood in the place Kuwabara had previously occupied, his hands thrust deep within his coat pockets, a sullen expression on his face.

"I'll do it."

Everyone, including myself, gaped at Hiei.

"It seems we have a volunteer after all. You know what to do, don't you Hiei?"

He grunted and removed one hand from within his pocket to grasped my own, and swiftly led me out of the room.

It wasn't until we'd stepped out into the cool evening air; me in my school shoes and a borrowed jacket from the cheerful Botan, that I realized that I might have gotten myself into more trouble than before. But strangely enough…I didn't feel any apprehension.

"Ikimasho, baka onna…" he muttered quietly, striding off in what I hoped was the direction of my neighbourhood.

"H-hai!"

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**Spirit:** And another chapter down. I felt so bad that I hadn't updated in an entire week, that I typed out this kinda 'filler' chapter where she meets the whole gang. No monsters in this one, but maybe one might pop up in the next chapter. Thanks to all who have reviewed the last chapter, and I'd like to reiterate that _constructive_ criticism is appreciated, and complimentary reviews even more so. Ja ne!

**Japanese Glossary:**

**"Konichiwa…Watashi no namae wa Yukina desu…Yoroshiku onegaishimasu!":** "Hello...My name is Yukia...Pleased to meet you!"

**Ikimasho:** Lets go.

**O genki desu ka?:** How are you?

**Hai, genki desu:** Yes, I'm fine.


	4. Chapter 4

**Title:** Legally Sane

**Pairings:** HieixOC

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho. I do however, own my OC and the story.

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**Chapter Three: Of Psychotic Canines and Sweet Snow**

I'm hungry. No, scratch that. I am so fucking hungry that I'm seriously contemplating chasing a spider that's scuttling happily across my bedroom floor. I hate insects, so you can probably imagine the state I was in for that thought to have even crossed my mind at all.

Rolling onto my stomach, I propped my chin up on my fist, eyeing the creepy crawly with something akin to longing. A cool breeze fluttered in through my open window, and I glanced suspiciously over my shoulder. Nope, there was nothing lurking in the shadows; no monsters, and certainly no Hiei.

My eyes flickered over to the alarm clock beside my bed, the luminous numbers reading 3am. Wonderful, it was way too late to venture into the darkness of my kitchen- Mother knew full well of my habitual midnight wanderings to the fridge, and had placed 'traps' of a sort to alert her of my movements.

A sigh escaped my lips, and my gaze was once again arrested by the eight legged creature busy trying to clamber up the jeans that I had slung over the back of my desk chair. My stomach gurgled pathetically, and I disentangled myself from my sheets- Slipping onto the floor with unerring silence. Semi-crouched in the moon-bathed space around my bed, I gauged the distance between me and my next meal. My knees bent reflexively, my hands curling somewhat into the soft carpet beneath my bare feet. My tongue darted out to moisten my lips in anticipation…Three…Two…One…Pounce!

"Onna, what are you doing?"

I froze for the barest of moments, miscalculating my trajectory. The spider jerked out of the way instinctively, earning myself a one way ticket into the hard oak of my desk and its accompanying chair. The resounding _thud_ that followed my hideous sense of grace and balance had me clapping my hands over my mouth to stifle the pained yell that welled up in the back of my throat.

I waited in silence for the shit to hit the fan, fully expecting my mother to come storming into the room, resplendent in hair curlers and ratty bathrobe complete with moth eaten slippers. The silence stretched for a beat or two, until a dry voice broke it.

"Onna, I asked you a question. What are you doing?"

Righting myself, I watched in barely suppressed disappointment as my meal became fast food…And it had already disappeared under the crack under my door. I turned my head and glowered at the dark haired demon, my cheeks flushed with slight guilt and shame at having been caught hunting a spider to satiate my hunger.

"…I'm stretching;" I lied glibly, pushing myself to my feet awkwardly. "Do you have a problem with that?"

Hiei merely grunted, settling himself comfortably atop the windowsill. I hobbled over to my bed, and seated myself at the end, my legs curled up beneath me. I frowned slightly, contemplating his sudden appearance.

"Hiei…What are you doing here? No, scratch that. How the hell did you get into my room?"

He stared at me for a moment. "The window was open."

I sighed in exasperation and slapped a hand to my forehead, another one of those infernal sweatdrops appearing at the side of my head in all its sticky glory. Of course. How could I have forgotten that I'd left my window open to allow easy access for Hiei in case of an emergency?

"Okay…What brings you to my room, Dwarf-chan?"

His eyes narrowed at my tone, and the sudden attachment of his nickname at the end of my question. His hand strayed to the hilt of his sword, and the smile I felt quivering across my mouth disappeared instantly.

"Do no test my patience, onna. I promised that I wouldn't kill you. Fortunately for me, the fox didn't state that I wasn't allowed to maim you."

I shivered at the cold bite to his words, noticing that he'd cleverly sidestepped my question with his intimidation tactics, and waved my hands in front of him in supplication. "Gomen, gomen…I forgot how touchy you were."

"Hn…" he snorted, his gaze shifting speedily around my room. "There are too many places for enemies to lurk in here," he muttered finally, folding his arms across his chest.

My eyes dropped to that particular part of his anatomy, and I hope to God he didn't notice the drool accumulating around the left corner of my mouth…He'd obviously been relaxing somewhere close, for he had forgone his cloak, and was now seated there in only those deliciously tight black trousers and a flattering tank.

The silence stretched out for a beat or two, only to be broken by the embarrassing _squelch_ of hunger that came from my stomach. My cheeks reddened, and Hiei's eyebrow rose in silent enquiry. But he wasn't quiet for long.

"I know you ningen females think that starving yourselves to the point of emaciation will make you appealing to potential mates…But you're scrawny enough as it is."

I scowled darkly, my mouth twisting into a sullen pout at the insult. How dare he!? Who was he calling scrawny, the damn midget! Huffing slightly, I turned slipped off of the bed and stomped (as quietly as I could whilst still conveying my irritation) over to the door. Here, I paused momentarily, pressing my ear to the wood- hoping against hope that tonight would be the night that Keitaro would _not_ make his nightly trips (yes plural) to the bathroom.

"Where are you going?"

I rolled my eyes, and whispered; "You're full of questions tonight, aren'tcha?" At the slight narrowing of his eyes, I quickly spilled the beans. "I'm getting something to eat."

His mouth opened to ask yet another question, but my attention was elsewhere- Elsewhere being on the prospect of something sweet and deliciously cold. "Hn…I think mother bought some chocolate ice-cream…" I muttered, cracking the door open as gently as possible- I knew how squeaky my hinges were.

I scuttled out of my room, leaping from one doorway to the next like a freakin Ninja on crack; my feet making little to no noise on the floorboards. With skill borne from many expeditions such as this, I slid down the banister to the ground floor of my house, landing with a tad more grace than usual.

'_Cha! I'm so totally awesome!'_

I tiptoed swiftly over to the kitchen, my feet naturally avoiding the cracks in-between the cool tiles (what a time to be superstitious…) and carefully poked my head around the archway- My eyes darting about from corner to corner in search of any cleverly hidden traps that my mother may have set for such an occasion as this. My trained gaze caught sight of the trip-wire that ran the length of the doorway, the thread leading upwards to a bucket balancing precariously atop the frame and part of the door itself. Other than that, the various other devices of entrapment were rather predictable, and I danced (cunningly I might add) around the newer and slightly amateurish traps.

"Mother's either grown terribly lax recently…Or she's picked up that annoying habit of underestimating me from Father again…" I muttered, still finding it immensely strange that _all_ of her traps were visible.

I'd finally reached my destination…The Holder of All Things Nummy (a.k.a my fridge), my thoughts drifting back to the sweet, chocolaty surprise that was in store for me. My hand wrapped firmly around the handle of the fridge, quite proud of my sneakiness.

A noise off to my left caught my attention, and I turned my head _just_ as I tugged the door open- An eyebrow lifting at the sudden appearance of Hiei. "How long have you been standing there?" I queried, frowning a tad at the moist sensation nudging the back of my hand.

Hiei of course, didn't deign to answer me, so I quickly shoved my head into the coolness of my refrigerator, expecting to pull out my tub of chocolicious joy. Instead, I came eye to eye with a slobbering dog head- And from the growl reverberating in the back of it's throat, it didn't look too pleased to see me.

Eyes widening in alarm, my entire body shot back a few feet from fright, my back hitting the cool marble of the kitchen island. I slid down the side until my butt met the cool tiling of the floor, hysterical noises making their way past my lips.

"_Are you the Keymaster_?" growled the psychotic canine, his jaws opening wide and heavily salivating.

"No…I'm the fridge-opener? Does that count for anything?" I replied hesitantly, eyeing the mutt with something akin to fear. Honestly, I was just about to pee my pants at any given second.

"_Why are you here, if you are not the Keymaster, ningen?_" it snarled after a tense moment of silence.

Now that question got my back up. A dog was questioning _my_ motives for opening my own fridge? What was he insinuating?!

"Why does everyone feel the need to give me the Spanish Inquisition every time I decide to put on a few pounds?!" This question wasn't completely directed at the monster lurking behind the canned tuna…It was also directed at Hiei. His earlier comment on my weight still rankled.

The fire-apparition (or so I'd been told) peered curiously around the fridge door, an eyebrow raising at the monster who had me paralysed with fear. "You ningen's keep strange things in your boxes of ice…" he commented dryly, pulling his sword from his sheathe with a decided flourish.

I felt compelled to defend my species; "Generally, you don't see that kind of behaviour from a major appliance," I pointed out, trying to keep my voice from shaking. Damn that thing was scary!

Hiei grunted, and thrust his sword into the fridge, letting it press lightly against the creature's 'throat' (Where was the rest of his body? That was what _I_ wanted to know!)

"Answer truthfully you pitiful Yokai, and I will make sure your death is a quick and painless one," Hiei stated, his tone monotonous, quite oblivious to my hand-signing that it wasn't a wise thing to say to a demon dog; "What exactly is this Keymaster you speak of, and why are you dwelling within this onna's box of ice?"

The dog growled menacingly, eyes narrowing to mere slits within the sagging flesh of it's face; "_What makes you think I'll tell, you pathetic child?_"

I winced at the tone, my gaze still trained on little Hiei. He merely stood there, a fist propped up on his hip, whilst his free hand exerted pressure on the animal's throat. I don't know if the dog was smart enough to retract his statement, but the sudden darkness that enveloped Hiei's toned body was beginning to freak me out!

"I'm feeling generous this evening…The onna has offered me some of her sweet snow;" he paused a moment, my enraged cries of "You bloody liar!" fading into nothingness as he pinned one of his famous death glares on me. He continued; "So I'll ask you again. What exactly is this Gatekeeper you speak of, and why are you dwelling within this onna's box of ice?"

The demonic dog head seemed to consider his choices for a moment; quick, painless death in exchange for information, or slow and painful one in which he'd inevitably spill the bins to halt the agony of it all?

"_The Keymaster opens the Gate_," the demon finally muttered sullenly, a tad peeved that he'd been forced to do something against his will.

"I think we've gathered that much," I interjected dryly, sidling over to Hiei after I'd pushed myself to my feet. I peered over his shoulder, feeling less anxious than I had before. I guess the dark-haired apparition was handy to have around.

Hiei snorted disdainfully, the blade pressed even deeper into the creature's flesh. "Care to elaborate?" he hissed, irritation causing his eyes to narrow.

"_The Keymaster opens the Gate between Makai and Ningenkai,_" he ground out, flinching.

"Alright, if she is indeed the 'Keymaster', why are D-class Yokai attempting to eat her?"

Yes! The million dollar question! I nodded vigorously, leaning even closer (if that was possible) to Hiei, _without_ plastering my flat front to his muscled back. Quite a feat if you asked me…

The monster seemed to think about that, and after a few quiet seconds, he shrugged. Well, shrugged as best he could without the use of _shoulders_ he was just a head in the fridge. "_That, I am not too sure about. The one who sent me only wanted me to question her, and should I deem her to be the Keymaster, I was supposed to bring her back with me._"

Bring me back?! Where? Through that mini spiralling void that his head had poked through? "I highly doubt I'd fit in there…"

Hiei quickly shot out his last question, his patience waning; "What are the requirements of a 'Keymaster'?"

"_She has to be a ningen, who has been infected with Yokai blood,_" came the prompt answer.

Hiei glanced over his shoulder at me, and I shrugged. To be perfectly honest, I was clueless. The only 'Yokai' I'd seen were the two that had attacked me recently. Other than that…No, there couldn't have been anything that could have infected my blood with their own.

Hiei finally nodded, "As I promised, your death will be a quick and painless one." With those parting words, he drew his sword upwards in a graceful curve, decapitating the demon dog from wherever his body may have been.

Blood shot outwards from the severed stump that I guessed _used_ to be his neck, and I had to swallow the lump of bile that had risen in the back of my throat. No matter how many times I had seen this happen over the course of the last couple of days…I still couldn't get used to the sight of blood and gore.

Despite my attempts at stalling the inevitable, once the pang of death and slowly decaying meat reached my nose, I turned away and retched dryly onto the floor beside the island. A hand absently stroked my shaking back, a moist cloth thrust against my face in an effort to calm me down. I seriously hate puking.

Once my heaving had stopped, I managed to turn my head to survey the damage to my kitchen, only to find that it was eerily clean. Nothing of the demon's death remained, and in the haze of hysteria that was beginning to blanket my mind, I thanked God that my parents wouldn't have had to walk in on this particular atrocity.

Hiei sheathed his now shining blade, and turned to hoist me bridal style into his arms, his cloak (When he'd retrieved it, I'd never know) draped comfortably over the both of us. Feeling more than a little exhausted, I rested my head against the warmth of his chest, my eyes drooping closed from fatigue.

"I think it'll be best if we stayed at Genkai's for a bit. You're obviously not safe enough in your own home;" Hiei commented, and I mumbled something incoherently in return.

The next thing I knew, we were both 'flying' through the air, the cool breeze chasing off the nausea that had settled in the pit of my stomach. My last thoughts before I drifted off into the Land of Nod was that I never did get my ice cream.

* * *

**Spirit:** And another chapter down! Sorry it took so long to post...I got writer's block, and it took me several 'creativity excercises' with my Beta for me to churn out this chapter. Well, now we know what's up with the whole Spook Radar going on alert around Lydia. Lets see what happens next. Y'all know the drill, _constructive _criticism is welcomed, and **complimentary** reviews even more so!


	5. Chapter 5

**Title:** Legally Sane

**Pairings:** HieixOC

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho, I do however, own my OC and the story.

* * *

**Chapter Four: Of Meetings and Enlightenment**

I was woken up not long after I'd fallen asleep in Hiei's arms (Well it seemed that way to me…), by a disgruntled fire demon. The curtains were drawn roughly to the side, allowing a shaft of irritatingly dull light into the room, and smack dab in the middle of my face.

"Onna, wake up."

The demand fell on sleep muffled ears, and I merely rolled onto my stomach, my face burrowing into the pillow.

"G'way…S'too early," I grumbled sleepily in reply, drawing my covers over my head to block out the intrusion.

There was a low growl, and the duvet was pulled off of me, exposing my barely clothed body to the cool temperature of the room. In response, my body curled up into a tight ball, my entire frame quaking from the cold.

"Onna, I do not have the patience for this. If you don't get up, I'll use force if necessary."

I guess I must not have given him a favourable answer, as he released yet another growl and I found myself hoisted up into his arms for what seemed to be the second time in the last four or five hours. I immediately snuggled into his chest, unconsciously drawing whatever heat I could from _his_ body- But my efforts were all been in vain, as my body was dumped abruptly into the tub and subjected to sub-zero temperatures.

My screams echoed through the virtually silent compound.

"Aiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Hiei you bastard, I'm gonna kill you!"

I jumped out of the bath like a scalded cat, and stood there soaked and shivering. The scarlet-eyed boy merely smirked, and waved a bandaged hand at me as he exited the room in a blur.

"Get dressed onna…" Floated back over his shoulder, and I scowled- Hissing and spitting like an offended kitten.

"Hiei no baka!" I shrieked after him, my hands already adjusting the temperature of the water to better suit my needs.

I showered quickly, only taking the time to do my hair- If I didn't, then it would end up poofing out like a terrible afro; don't ask me why I was cursed with shitty hair. Soon enough, and I was back in the spare room, eyeing some folded clothes that Yukina had lain out for me- And from the looks of them, they had belonged to the little darling.

A kimono. Did God hate me? Who in their right mind, would wear something so feminine and outdated? This wasn't old school Japan y'know. Then again, Yukina's clothes were probably the only ones that _would_ fit me…Other than Hiei's.

Idea time! I opened my mouth to call out to the irritable boy, only to be cut off before I'd gotten a word out.

'_No onna…I'm not lending you any of my clothes.' _was muttered strangely enough in my mind. I was about to question it, but thought better of it. He _was_ a demon, so perhaps this was one of his abilities.

"Why not?!" I practically cried, the smooth fabric of the kimono slightly crushed in my frenzied grip.

'_Because I said so. Now hayakusiro and get dressed. This subject is not open for debate.'_

His voice held an exasperated tone in it, and I quickly did as I was told. Well…I tried to slip the thing over my head, only for it to get caught around my shoulders. Okay, I scratched that plan. Then I tried to pull it up my legs, but the fabric had bunched up around my hips, refusing to go any higher.

"How the hell do you put this thing on?!" I scowled, hopping from side to side in the 'Hip wriggle' dance I was so fond of- This usually didn't happen until after Christmas when I'd eaten _way_ too much apple crumble.

A muffled giggle caught my attention, and I shot the intruder a frustrated glare from beneath my partially dry, yet hideously tangled hair. Yukina stood in the doorway with a hand clapped over her mouth, her eyes watering with mirth. My own lips quirked in a rueful grin, wondering what I looked like, hopping around like this.

"T-that's not how you put on a kimono…" she stuttered cheerfully, her steps light and hurried as she entered my room.

"Yeah, I think I finally got that…" I muttered, stepping out of the irritating fabric.

The mint-haired darling smiled shyly at me, her cheeks dusted with pink. What? Oh yeah…I was semi-nude; but still, I was a girl! Hadn't she seen another female partially naked before?

"Okay, hold your arms out for me, Lydia-san," she murmured quietly, and I immediately lifted them.

She slipped the cool material over my arms, and pulled the flaps together until I was completely wrapped up in the stuff. I blinked at the sudden weight on my body, but remained stock still, as she continued to move around me. A thicker, broader piece of cloth was deftly wrapped around my waist, and intricately tied at the small of my back- And I almost choked on my own breath as it squeezed the oxygen from my lungs. Damn it was tight!

"All done," the koorime chirped, stepping back to admire her handiwork.

I did an about-face and stared at myself in the full-length mirror behind me. My eyes almost popped out of their sockets. Staring back at me from the flawless glass…Was me, only hella better looking. The dark blue of the kimono enhanced the cyan that was hidden within the depths of my eyes, the grey receding into nothingness it seemed; and the way she'd wrapped the cloth around my frame, made me look like I actually _had_ some feminine assets. I was pleased!

"It suits you."

"Hontou?"

Yukina smiled and nodded as she proceeded to leave the room just as quickly as she had arrived.

It was raining; the sky had dulled to a steely grey punctuated with luminescent streaks of lightening, followed closely by roars of thunder. I strode over to the window and curled up on the sill glancing around the spare room that seemed to belong to me now at Genkai's temple. I'd been given a moment of respite from the others, left alone in the peace and quiet of my own solitude.

My eyes closed briefly, and the mild horror from the night before rose up to suffocate me, the stench of death that had been present at the scene caused me to choke on my own laboured breaths.

"…Lydia…?"

The voice brought me back to my senses, my body jerked once and subsided into slight shivers as my eyes flickered open. A panic attack? I hadn't had one of those since I was small. Strange. I glanced at the door, and saw the worried face of the usually cheerful Botan. Pasting a smile on my lips, I arched a brow in enquiry at the bubbly ferry-girl. I hadn't expected someone to come to collect me so soon after Yukina had left.

"Nani?"

Botan frowned at me, then shook her head as if to clear it. "We're all ready to go, so…" she trailed off meaningfully.

"Hai, I'll be right there." I murmured in return, feeling a small amount of relief as she slipped soundlessly from the room.

Ready to go- Go where? I hadn't been given any specifics on the matter, but I'd heard some muffled conversation from the others last night when I'd first been brought in, barely conscious. They'd mentioned something about 'Koenma' and 'Reikai' but I'd totally lost interest and had fallen asleep _still_ cradled to Hiei's chest.

Releasing a sigh, I slipped from my perch and almost stumbled over my own feet. I looked down and realised that the cut of the kimono left little room for manoeuvring from the waist down- It was too tight, restricting movement. Cursing softly, I toddled over to the door, slid it open, and carried on down the hall to the front of the temple where the others awaited my presence.

I paused briefly to slip on some sandals that had been left on the porch for me, and when I raised my head to wish everyone a good morning, I was met with quite a few odd stares.

The stunned silence stretched…Until I broke it with a terse; "Nani?!" The looks were freaking me out, for Kami's sake!

"Betsuni…Though I think I speak on behalf of the rest of us when I say; You're looking decidedly comely today, Lydia-san."

Kurama was the one to answer my question, and I merely gaped in astonishment, before going beet red. "Iie! It's just the clothes I guess!" I nervously rubbed the back of my head, my eyes downcast in a display of uncharacteristic shyness. Damn…

I felt a presence at my shoulder, and I gave the person a sidelong look. It was Hiei, and he looked even more sullen than usual (If that were even possible). My eyebrow rose a notch, and his eyes narrowed. Whoops…

"Ikimasho, mina-san?" Botan asked, her oar in one hand (Where the hell had it come from?!), whilst the other was held shoulder level in front of her.

Everyone nodded, except for me, and the ferry-girl muttered a few words beneath her breath. I watched on in fascination, which quickly turned to horror as a gaping void appeared at the end of her fingertips, and it was steadily growing wider. After a moment or two, she gestured with her oar for us to stroll in, and that was where I drew the line.

"No."

The others glanced at me, and I stubbornly folded my arms across my chest, my face deadpanning at the lot of them.

"What's the matter, Lydia-chan?" Botan asked, sweat appearing at the side of her face as she tried to control the portal.

"There is no way in _hell_ that I'm gonna set foot in that thing,"

"I don't think this is the time to be discussing this…" Kurama interceded, shooting me a look that clearly said; 'Get in the damn portal!'

I sniffed, and turned my back on the group. What did these people take me for? An arm snaked around my waist, and I squeaked in distress. Peering over my shoulder, I caught a glimpse of my 'Guard' and bit back a shriek of terror. Little Hiei was pissed off to the max, and the strange black glow that emanated from his person spoke volumes.

"M-matte, kudasai!" I yelled, wriggling within his grasp. "I swear if you throw me in there I'll-…"

My threat was cut off, another ear splitting shriek deafening those around me, as I hurtled out of Hiei's grasp and into the darkness behind me.

* * *

"Remind me where we're going again?"

An audible sigh from my left had my eyebrow twitching in annoyance. What?! I couldn't help it if my brain was a sieve…It also didn't help that it had been _Hiei_ who had been handing me the information. After tossing me into that terrifying vortex earlier, was it _any_ wonder that I wasn't speaking, let alone listening to the guy?

'_Bastard Hiei…I swear I'm gonna get him when he least expects it…'_ I mentally snarled, my eyes boring into the back of his skull.

'_I highly doubt that onna. Don't attempt anything foolish, or it'll be the end of you.'_ Came the sudden reply.

My eyes widened considerably, and I cursed myself for forgetting that the little shrimp was reading my mind.

'_I heard that.'_

I flinched visibly, and gave the fire apparition a sidelong glance. Sure enough, his hand was resting ever so lightly on the hilt of his sword, and the scowl he sent my way wasn't particularly comforting. I resisted the urge to shriek hysterically, and instead skipped a few steps ahead to walk beside Kurama.

"Well…?" I enquired after another moment of silence, shooting the redhead an expectant look.

"We're going to see Koenma." Kurama murmured after a moment, smiling slightly at me and I muttered a soft "Oh."

Yusuke nudged Kurama out of the way and sidled up next to me on one side, Kuwabara on the other, both casually slipping their arms around my shoulders. I blinked in confusion, Hiei's growl barely registering in my mind. Wait, did Hiei just _growl_? Before I could pursue that train of thought, Yusuke leaned in conspiratorially, an eyebrow raising comically.

"You _do_ know who Koenma is, right?" he asked with a frown, nonchalantly winking at the carrot-top. It didn't go unnoticed by me, but the meaning behind it _also_ didn't register either. I thought he had something in his eye…

"No, should I?"

"Koenma is the King of Hell," Kuwabara explained in all-seriousness, "And…Well, you remember those demons that attacked you, right?"

I blanched and nodded silently, urging them to continue.

"Well…He's ten times worse."

I felt the bottom drop out of my stomach, and I suddenly felt my knees grow weak and shaky. Breathe, Lydia! You've got all of these guys with you, what could possibly go wrong?

"O-oh…?" I managed to squeak out, trying to sound interested.

Hiei snorted derisively behind me, and Kurama muttered something about "…scaring the girl to death." I ignored them, and focused on the titbits of information the boys were handing me free of charge.

"He's quite fond of devouring virgin sacrifices to appease his insatiable hunger;" Kuwabara chimed in, his voice high pitched and quavering. I believed it was from his fear for my personal safety.

"Yes, he's quite the tyrant, and he believes that first impressions are _everything_." Yusuke stressed the last word, and I continued to nod like the Churchill Direct dog. "So, what you need to do to avoid invoking his spiritual wrath is…"

Here he reverted to whispering some pointers in my ear, and I inclined my head in understanding.

"So…I just have to do that, and he won't devour me?"

Yusuke and Kuwabara bobbed their heads, and gave me what I thought of as encouraging grins. Kurama frowned at the three of us, and rubbed the side of his head. I glanced at Hiei, and he pointedly looked away.

"We're here!" Botan called out, poking her head around the corner she'd previously disappeared around; "Hurry up! He seems to be in a foul mood today…Can't say I know why!"

How the hell could she be so cheerful about something like that?! The guy was a virgin munching beast, and he was in a '_foul_' mood?? This spelt disaster for me, and I could hear the distant bells, chiming sorrowfully in preparation for my death march.

I rounded the corner with the boys, and was ultimately greeted with a _huge_ ass set of doors. I seriously mean it! Who freaking lived here? Godzilla?! My nerves frayed all the more at this point, and I took an involuntarily step back as the doors slowly creaked open. Actually, it was a giant leap. I think I surprised everyone with my speed.

Everyone's attention was on whatever was residing in the room, and using that as a distraction, I slowly sidled away from them. I slowly turned my back on the lot of them, deciding that it was better that _they_ were eaten, rather than me. Hopefully, nobody would notice me sneaking off…

"Where do ya think you're goin?"

A hand grasped me by the scruff of my kimono, and I almost gagged from the pressure on my windpipe. Waving my hand to signal defeat as well as for the need of oxygen, the grip loosened and I glared at a smirking Yusuke.

"Come in. I don't have all day you know."

The slightly bored, yet frazzled voice had me moving instantly. And when I say instantly, I _mean_ instantly. I shot through the open doors like a bullet, and immediately dropped onto my hands and knees in a form of subjugation. Unfortunately, I ended up skidding along the marble floor on my hands and knees until I was mere inches from the Great One's desk. Ouch.

"Koenma-sama! I, Takeshima Lydia formally place myself at your infinite mercy! I- Uh…I…Please don't eat me!" I begged; the ending thought up on the spot as I'd forgotten the exact wording Yusuke had used.

I lay there for a moment, barely breathing, hoping against hope that this supernatural being would rather have a chunk of celery rather than a skinny runt like myself. The silence seemed to stretch…

That's when I heard it.

Was someone laughing? Who was it?! I lifted my head from it's position on the floor, and peered cautiously over my shoulder. My eyes narrowed immediately. Yusuke and Kuwabara were on the floor in near hysterics, Hiei was smirking that annoying smirk of his and Kurama was coughing harshly into his fist, tears apparent in the corners of his eyes. The only one who seemed to be dumbfounded was Botan, and she stood there with her mouth wide open.

"What's so funny?" I queried sweetly, heat scalding my cheeks from mild embarrassment, rising to my feet and dusting off the area of the kimono where I had knelt. I had the distinct and unsettling feeling that I had been taken for a ride.

No answer.

"…What on earth did you tell her?"

The voice came from behind me. I turned around instinctively and came face to face with a baby. My eyes almost popped out of my skull, my face going from flushed to pale in a matter of seconds. The child, not knowing exactly what to do in this kind of situation leant in closer with an eyebrow raised.

"Uh…Boo?"

I fainted.

* * *

It had been nearly an hour since I'd recovered from my swoon. I was seated on Koenma's table, between Hiei and a stack of newly stamped files- Kurama, Yusuke and Kuwabara were on a couch that had suddenly appeared while I was unconscious, and Botan was floating mid-air on her oar. I pretended that this wasn't in the least bit unusual.

"Keymaster, eh?" Koenma queried after a moment of silence. He glanced at me, his brow furrowed. "Yes, I've heard something along those lines recently, but to be terribly honest, we don't have much information on it."

My shoulders visibly wilted, and I released a sigh. Hiei nudged me lightly, and I quickly straightened my posture, my legs swinging back and forth at the edge of the desk.

"So, what information have you accumulated so far?" Kurama asked, "We need as much as possible to keep Lydia-san from harm."

The others nodded in agreement, and I could feel the barely concealed energy rolling off of Hiei in waves. I looked at him, but he was wearing that blank mask again. Sigh.

"Well, Hiei was told that the requirements for a 'Keymaster' is for a ningen to be infected with Yokai blood." Koenma stated.

"Hai…But, I haven't been bitten by anything resembling a demon. Not even recently." I added.

Koenma grunted, digesting this newest update.

"Koenma-sama! I've found it! Koenma-sama!"

A loud voice broke into our thoughts, and my eyes shot to the blue ogre bounding through the double doors with a video tape in his hand. My gaze dropped to his…Uhm…Lower regions, and my eyebrows rose distinctly.

"Is...He wearing a leopard print loin cloth?" I asked incredulously. Hiei coughed into his hand, and surreptitiously blocked my vision.

"What is it Jorge?" Koenma snapped, his left eye twitching with annoyance.

'Jorge' came to a screeching stop aside of his mini ruler, his hand outstretched with the tape clutched firmly in his grasp; "Koenma-sama! You sent me to find evidence of when this girl was infected, and I found the exact moment! Look!"

The toddler's face broke out into an excited grin, and he bounded behind the desk and sat in his imposing chair, his fingers steepled beneath his naturally chubby chin. When Jorge made no move to do anything, he frowned again.

"What are you waiting for, baka?! Put the tape in the cassette player!" he fairly howled, and I cringed, shifting as close to Hiei as humanly possible. He shot me a warning glare, but remained silent.

Jorge 'eeped' and pranced over to the cassette player beneath the plasma TV (Where the hell did he get one of those? I'm so jealous!), and took a small step back.

The screen went fuzzy for a moment, and then my six year old face chubby with youth and framed with a riot of dark curls suddenly took up the entire space.

"_Lydia! Don't wander off!"_

Ah, that would be my mother's voice. My younger self glared over her shoulder at the elder woman and huffed in annoyance.

"_Hai mama! I'm jus goin ta look at the pretty flowers!"_ she called out before continuing on.

The camera followed her progression across the field she was currently in, pausing when she stopped at the small pond- Her greedy hands plucking at the flora that resided there. After a few moments, her hand slapped over the side of her neck and she frowned in discomfort.

"_Owie…Mama, a bug bited me!"_ she howled.

The picture paused there.

"Why'd we stop it there?" Yusuke asked, staring at the screen.

Jorge sighed and rolled it back a couple of frames to where I'd just sat down.

"Watch this part carefully…" he stated, taking the tape off pause.

We all watched the scene replay itself out, and the blue ogre paused it a frame earlier than before. The spot on 'my' neck was zoomed in on, 'my' hand had been removed fractionally, and beneath it was…

"Ew! What the hell is _that_?" I yelled in disgust, cringing away from the image.

Koenma's pacifier fell out with a soft _pop_! His face round with wonder.

"Isn't that a Makaichu?"

"What the _hell_ is a Makaichu? It looks gross!"

Hiei folded his arms across his chest, and glanced at me. "A Makaichu is an insect from Makai that feeds on the Reiki of a Ningen."

"_Damn_! I thought we'd seen the last of them when were fightin Sensui…" Yusuke whistled, his eyes wide.

"So _that's_ how she got infected with Yokai blood. It makes more sense now." Koenma mused, wringing his hands. "Father's going to kill me this time."

I was so confused. I'd been bitten by some gross insect when I was younger, and now I was infected with something…That was going to get Koenma in a shitload of trouble with his father? My head spun.

"Alright, so if that's the truth of it…Why didn't anyone come for her when she was at her most vulnerable?" Kurama voiced the question in my head, and obviously in Hiei's from the looks of things.

Koenma had to think for a moment. "Lydia, have you started your menstruation cycle?"

I went a hideous shade of red at the question. "What the hell kinda thing is that to ask a girl?!" I yelled, shaking my fist at the toddler.

"Hn. Answer the question, onna."

"No!"

"Do it."

"It's my private business!"

"Onna…"

The threatening look he shot my way had me cowering, and I muttered it quickly. "…Last week."

"And was that your _first_?"

Enough with the damn questions already! I fidgeted, and nodded.

"Wow, you're a late bloomer!"

"Urameshi!"

The sound of fist connecting to flesh resounded around the room, and I turned away with a hand pressed tightly to my heated face. Gods this was embarrassing!

"Yes, well she's matured into a woman now- That is usually all it takes for a reaction of this sort to take place!" Koenma sounded slightly doubtful, and I turned a filthy look on him from between my fingers.

"…You're not entirely sure, are you?" My anger was felt.

"Well…That's the only plausible explanation!" Koenma blustered, his cheeks reddening slightly.

I growled and hopped off of the table, pausing to smooth the wrinkles out of my borrowed kimono.

"So, what now?"

"You guys just have to keep a close eye on her at all times. Who knows what'll happen from here on in. Hiei and Lydia have already been warned about the difficulties she might face later on. We can't afford to have her kidnapped!"

"…Other than the problem of my safety…Why shouldn't I be kidnapped?"

"Because if you are indeed the Keymaster, they'll use you to open a door between Makai and Ningenkai which means many Ningens will be devoured and tortured…Which means all out war between Reikai and Makai…Which will ultimately lead to…MANY SPANKINGS!"

I sweatdropped. So all this really boiled down to him getting a raw butt. Wonderful. A hand tugged sharply at my upper arm, and I was forced to move backwards, albeit awkwardly. I looked behind me and caught the sharp look Hiei sent me, and I followed complacently. No need to rile him up.

"Hn. There's no need to worry, I will personally keep an eye on the onna."

We were out of the door and halfway down the corridor before I heard the spluttered protests from the Reikai Prince. Kurama and the others all filed out after us, and followed.

I sighed deeply. What the hell had I gotten myself into _this_ time?

* * *

**Spirit**: Sorry for the long wait! I had writer's block (again!) But I think I'm over it now. Thanks to all those who reviewed the last chapter! Don't forget _constructive_ criticism is appreciated, and **complimentary** reviews even more so! 


	6. Chapter 6

**Title:** Legally Sane

**Pairings:** HieixOc

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho. I do however, own my OC and the story itself.

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**Chapter Five: Curry and Zombies Just Don't Mix**

It had been a full month since my impromptu visit to Reikai, and the inevitable meeting with it's resident ruler Koenma. In the short span of time that I had been there, I'd been enlightened as to the reason for my being targeted in the recent weeks prior to the meeting, and let me tell you…I have absolutely _no_ faith in the Toddler's theory. My menstrual cycle indeed…Like _that_ would have any affect on the lower ranks of the Makai. Really…

But that still didn't stop the fact that I was _indeed_ infected with Yokai blood. Just before Hiei had fully dragged me out of Spirit World, I'd been detained by one of those ogres that served beneath the Toddler for a blood sample. Just to be sure, they had told me. A couple of weeks later, and our suspicions were confirmed. Now 'security' is tighter than ever.

As well as the 24/7 protection I received from Hiei; Kurama, Yusuke and Kuwabara often dropped by to relieve the ornery fire demon of his position. I swear, if they didn't, he'd probably have killed me off already- I guess he found me truly annoying. Then again, he never strayed away too far for too long, and he'd already be back by the time I'd switched off the lights and prepared for bed.

It was now Spring Break- My parents had hightailed it off to England for the duration a couple of days ago, leaving me and my irritating younger brother alone at home. This actually worked in my favour, but I wished they'd taken the brat with them…Fortunately for me, he was staying over at a friend's house this evening, so that left me with Mister Sociable.

"What _is_ that foul stench eminating from your cooking pot, onna?"

The utter disgust in the demon's voice was fairly amusing, and I couldn't help the grin from curving my lips. I glanced over my shoulder, and saw him lounging nonchalantly against the doorframe, his legs stretched out and crossed at the ankle. He looked _far_ too relaxed in my house.

"It's some sauce to go with the rice- I found the recipe in a magazine, and thought it might make an interesting meal;" I replied calmly, stirring the goop around a few times, my free hand reaching for the required reading material. "…One scoop of sultanas…A teaspoon of sugar…"

He snorted, and I felt, rather than saw him sidle up beside me, resting his hip against the side of the stove, his arms folded and brow furrowed slightly. Whether it was in contemplation of the concoction I was currently brewing, or the next witty insult he could think of, I couldn't say. After a moment of uncomfortable silence, I shot him a slightly frustrated look.

"What do ya want, Shrimp?" I snapped, my index finger lightly tapping the tumbler of spice so that a fine layer of 'dust' appeared and simmered atop the sludge in my pot. The way he was staring was slightly unnerving.

His eyes narrowed dangerously, and God forbid! Did his mouth twist into a pout?! "I'm an inch _taller_ than you onna- And I suggest you guard that quick tongue of yours, else you'll find it joining those other ingredients in your pan."

I sighed, and rolled my eyes. "Hai, hai…I know. I think I've heard many variations of this threat a thousand times Hiei, and yet my tongue is still waggling." And to prove my point, I stuck it out at him. Hah! Now what, bishie???

He remained silent for a moment, then his bandaged hand shot out in a blur of movement, and I found my tongue stretched out painfully. What the hell? The bastard grabbed my tongue! He smirked at the look of utter surprise that was plainly visible on my face.

"And now it's not."

"Ed o iei!" I yelped around the chunk of muscle protruding from my mouth.

Hiei shook his head slowly, taking a few steps back- Taking me and my tongue with him.

"Onna, you're far too outspoken for your own good," he stated without a trace of humour in his voice, and when his hand slipped into the open knife drawer at my side, my eyes widened in fear.

Holy shit! He wasn't seriously thinking of slicing my tongue off, was he?? One of his quotes floated into my head at that precise moment and I blanched-_"Do no test my patience, onna. I promised that I wouldn't kill you. Fortunately for me, the fox didn't state that I wasn't allowed to maim you."_

"I'm _thorry_ iei! P'ease ed o!" I squeaked frantically, my hand wrapping around his bandaged wrist in an effort to still it's movements in my drawer.

"_Who _is short, onna?" He fairly purred this time, and I blinked.

"Od oo!" (Not you!) I replied promptly, careful to keep my drool from spilling out onto his hand.

His smirk widened and he grunted triumphantly, releasing my tongue and taking a step back. I stumbled back a few steps, my hands clapping over my mouth. Ow! I glared at the boy and promptly turned my back on him. A snicker sounded from behind me and I scowled. Bastard…

"Is it ready yet, Onna?"

"It _will_ be if you pipe down and take a seat instead of distracting me!" came my snapped retort, my shoulders shaking with frustration.

He seemed to take the hint, and remained silent for the few minutes it took for the sauce to cook completely, and when I shot a suspicious look over my shoulder, I saw he was _actually_ seated calmly at the table, and what was more…He'd set it up for two as well! Maybe he _could_ be house trained…

"I'd cut that train of thought if I were you."

Oops! I wish he didn't listen in all the time on my mental conversations…I had absolutely no privacy damnit! Sighing, I slipped some oven gloves onto my hands, and toddled over to the table with the pot of steaming goodness. Hiei remained in his seat, and focused completely on my movements; I reached for his bowl and piled some rice into it, followed by a ladle full of the brown goop. I placed the bowl in front of him, and did the same for myself.

Once I'd sat down, I glanced expectantly at my 'guest', my face full of hope and pride in my culinary skills (Note, that this is my _second_ attempt at creating something in the kitchen since the ban. Don't ask…). My expression faltered slightly, as he eyed the meal with something akin to caution mingled with…Apprehension??

My eyebrow twitched.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer…" I hissed, and his eyes shot up to look at me, before falling to his food again.

Hiei picked up his chopsticks, and hesitantly scooped the questionable food. He sniffed elegantly at it, and then after a short pause, thrust the chopsticks into his mouth and began to chew. I watched on in silent satisfaction, my head nodding to some mental praise that I was currently giving myself until…

Hiei made a choking sound, and when I looked up, his entire face had gone purple. My eyes widened to the size of saucers, and I leant forward across the table with a hand outstretched.

"Hiei…? Are you alright?" I asked, my voice filled with concern.

The demon's eyes were closed, and it looked like he was about to puke all over the place. His hands immediately flew to his throat, and he clutched at it as his head tilted back, his mouth opening and closing like a fish that had been removed from the water.

Then I heard it.

'Onna! You poisoned me!'

"No I didn't!" I gasped indignantly, rearing back in my seat at the mental hiss.

'I can't breathe, foolish onna! What did you put in it? My throat is raw, and my eyes are sore!'

I blinked. What on earth could cause such a reaction…I hopped up, and snagged the magazine, my fingers quickly flicking through the pages until I got the recipe, my eyes scanning the words.

"…Lets see…Uh…" I was frantic. "Sultanas, sugar…Uhm…Curry powder…Jalapeno pepper…Uh-oh…"

'What? What did you do!?'

I laughed nervously as I rushed over to the sink, a glass in hand. "Uh…I might've put _too_ many sliced jalapeno peppers into the mix. The recipe only required one thinly sliced… I like my food spicy y'see, so I used about six…But it seems you couldn't handle the flavour." I explained, filling it up with water. "It's kinda strange though, seeing as you're a fire demon and everything…I would've thought hot things would be _welcomed_…"

_'Cease that senseless babbling, baka onna! Fix it, or I'll do something you'll regret'_ he snarled in my mind, his eyes open and bloodshot.

I shoved the glass into his hand, and mimed that he should drink it- And drink he did! He gulped the whole lot in one go, and released a breathless hiss, his death glare focused on me in all it's terrifying glory.

"K-Kisama…" he rasped after a painful moment where he had to swallow around the soreness in his throat.

Hiei slid out of his seat and slowly strode over to me with murder glistening in those fiery eyes of his; I backed away as I realised he'd snagged his sword from the back of his chair, the _swish_ of metal being released from it's leather sheathe echoing in the quiet room. My heart sped up, and my body shook in terror. Uh-oh….

"H-Hiei…I really _wasn't_ trying to poison you…So lets be reasonable about this, ne?" I rationalized, taking two steps back to his one step forward.

Soon enough, my back came up against the cool marble work surface, and I winced at the jolting contact. I was cornered. Sensing that there was no _way_ that I could possible escape, Hiei darted forward until he was pressed tightly to my front, the light pressure of that wicked blade of his at my throat. My head fell back to create _some_ space between the deadly weapon and my jugular, my eyes wide with fright and confusion. He remained like that for a moment, and the angered aura he'd projected before instantly vanished- Only to be replaced with something terribly different.

Puzzled by the sudden change in his body language, I hesitantly shifted in his grip. "H-Hiei?" I queried nervously, my tongue darting out to moisten my fear dried lips.

His eyes caught the action, and for a moment, it seemed that the pupils completely disappeared leaving a void of crimson. What the hell? He snarled, and crowded me into that small space between the counter and the fridge, and my hands automatically lifted to press against his chest, as if to push him away. The sword fell from his bandaged hand with a _clatter_ onto the worn linoleum, leaving it free to cup my cheek roughly, calloused digits smoothing their way down the sharp angle of my jaw.

I looked up again, not having realised that I'd looked away in the first place, and was caught in a staring match with the furious fire apparition. Yet…He didn't look all the mad right now. No, he looked just as confused as I felt- But beneath that was an emotion I couldn't discern as it wasn't something _I'd_ ever seen before. It seemed rather…Animalistic…Predatory even. He wasn't even looking at me with ire…He was looking at me as if I were his next meal!

Hiei bent slightly at the waist, and buried his face into the area between my neck and shoulder, and inhaled deeply. I flushed with mortification. He sniffed me! And from the sudden rumble in his throat, it didn't sound like he found my scent unappealing. I remained stock still, my hands still at his chest, though my fingers had somehow fisted themselves in his shirt. The fingers that caressed my cheek slid up into my hair tangling in the newly washed locks. I winced as a particular strand was tugged on. His free hand that had been resting atop the countertop clapped over my hip, pinning me in place, as one muscular thigh slid between my slightly parted legs and pressed upward.

I gasped as an unfamiliar heat radiated from where his leg was positioned, my cheeks flushing an even duller red from something other than embarrassment. He purred lightly, and I squeaked when I felt sharp incisors graze my ear.

What on earth was going on? One moment, he'd been furious with me at having almost 'poisoned' him, and now here he was molesting me in my own kitchen! Were demons always so temperamental?

"Uhm…Hiei?"

He gazed up at me questioningly with eyes a glazed cerise, and his face was just as flushed as mine. I frowned slightly at the sudden change in expression. This wasn't Hiei at all! Usually he was cold as ice, not the burning mass of quivering muscle he was now!

"Nani?" he cooed darkly, his lids drooping lazily to half-mast.

The question I was just ready to pose flew out of my mind as his leg slid upwards, the pressure from his thigh in a place I'd rather _not_ mention incredibly insistent. Now I was a trembling mass of teenage hormones, and I couldn't suppress the low moan that passed through my parted lips. He smirked languidly, and leant in close, his mouth only millimetres from my own. I froze in anticipation, my eyes just as heavy lidded as his own…

Brriiiing! Brriiiiiiiiiing!

The spell was broken.

Hiei's eyes returned to normal, the pupils returning and dilating with shock as they roved my face for any sign of injury or whatever else he was searching for. With a strangled snarl, he pulled away viciously, and stumbled backwards a few steps until his hand steadied him against the dining table.

I slowly slid to my knees, my arms folded protectively across my chest. My mind whirled as everything came back into focus, and my face heated up with shame and…Disappointment?

Briiiing! Buzzzz! Briiiiiing!

What on earth was that noise?! Gnawing lightly on my lower lip, my head swiftly turned from side to side as I visually searched for the object that was causing such a ruckus. Where was it coming from.

Hiei, having regained some of his cocksure composure, pointed directly at my chest and announced; "Sounds are emitting from your bosom."

D'oh! I quickly fished around inside my sweater for the pocket of the tshirt I wore underneath, my questing fingers latching onto the mechanical device hidden there. I produced my beeper with a flourish, and glared dispassionately at the screen.

'Lydia! Help! At graveyard. Hurry! K'

"What on earth is the brat on about this time?" I growled irritably as I pushed myself to my feet.

Beeeeeeeeeep! Beeeeeeeeeeeeep!

My eyebrow shot up at yet another electronic noise, my gaze shooting to the scowling demon. Hiei patted at his own pockets for a few moments before removing what looked like a compact mirror from his back pocket. I snickered softly, and he snarled in response, flipping the top open.

"Hiei? There's a disturbance at the city cemetery, and from what I can sense, there are two humans caught up in it!"

I sidled up next to Hiei, and glanced over his shoulder. "Hey, isn't that Kurama?" I asked, receiving a sharp grunt from the boy.

"Hn. I'm on my way."

**"What about Lydia? You can't leave her alone."** came Kurama's worried response.

"Well I can't very well dump her in a dangerous situation to avoid another, now can I?" he snapped, edging away from me when he felt my breath on his neck.

"Did he say the city cemetery?" I piped up, peering intently at my beeper.

"Hai, I did. Why?"

"My brother just sent me a message saying he was there and needed hel-…" I cut myself off, and Hiei cursed. "Argh my baby brother is going to be eaten by demons!" I wailed. "I'm going to be grounded for the next _century_!"

"We're on our way."

Hiei snapped the compact shut and slid it back into his pocket. Grabbing my upper arm, he half dragged me to the front door and I toed my sneakers on, forgoing the use of a coat as I was sure I'd be working up a sweat just _keeping_ up with Hiei.

My hand had somehow found it's way into his, and he raced off into the night with me in tow.

* * *

We arrived at the cemetery moments after we had left my house. Kurama, Yusuke and Kuwabara awaited us outside the gates, and Hiei thankfully slowed his pace to a trot. I ripped my hand out of his, and bent over double with my hands resting hard on my knees- My breaths coming out in sharp unsteady pants. 

I distinctly heard a muttered; "Baka onna…So out of shape…" from the fire demon, and I sent a warning glance in his direction, which was only muted by the exhausted expression on my face. He smirked and strode up to his companions, and they began to discuss the situation between the four of them.

Two _loud_ voices caught my attention, and I listened intently to the dialogue.

"We're gonna die!"- Someone I didn't recognise…

"Shut _up_ Ichigo for Kami's sake!"- My brother?

"Where the _hell_ is your sister?"- Ichigo, I supposed…

"Probably making out with that dude that's been hanging out at our place recently!" came the waspish retort.

I flushed, and everyone, sans Hiei looked at me.

"What?" I yelped, "We have _not_ been making out!"

Hiei looked at me with an eyebrow raised. I silently fumed. Wasn't _he_ the one who molested me? And wasn't _he_ the one who recoiled in disgust when my pager went off??

"I wish you were a little _nicer_ to your sister! It's your fault she's not coming!"

"How is it _my_ fault?! _You_ were the one who _had_ to kick a gravestone!"

"Yeah, but _who_ had to insult the zombie??"

"Shut _up_ Ichi-…"

There was a dull _thud_ followed by a frightened yell.

"Ichigo! It's got me!"

I froze for the barest of moments, my fear momentarily paralysing me. When my brother cried out again, this time from pain, my body sprung into action of it's own free will, and I sprinted past the surprised group and into the darkened cemetery- Forgetting my intense fear of the dark _and_ of course the graveyard itself.

"Lydia!"

"Onna!"

The calls of my companions faded off into the distance, and all I could hear was the panicked beat of my own heart, and the heavy footfalls of my sneakers against the tarmac. Would I get there in time? Was he already horribly wounded? The questions ran frantically through my mind, followed by the few favourable memories I had of my younger brother. Another shriek spurred me on, and I turned a corner, skidding slightly as the tarmac turned into gravel. I caught myself before I went down, my hand grazing along the rough stones, before I launched myself upright.

Barely pausing for breath, I glanced worriedly around the clearing. A soft scuffle of something trying to escape the clutches of something else followed by a series of squeaks had me turning to my left, and I burst through the trees to find…

"Lydia! Help me!"

My brother shook his leg a final time, freeing the limb momentarily before he kicked out at the face of his attacker. He scrambled up and away until his back hit the trunk of the tree behind him, and he sent me a petrified look.

I hesitated. I mean, if it had been just the _one_ person, I wouldn't have had any trouble whatsoever in defending my junior sibling- It's just a little unnerving for a group of decaying zombies to suddenly all turn on you unanimously; _especially_ when most of their faces had already rotted off, leaving shadowed skulls in their wake.

I trembled mightily as they all began to wobble over in my direction. Using this as a means of distraction, my sneaky asshole of a brother decided to take his leave, dragging a shocked Ichigo with him.

"Keitaro you dunce! Why'd you have to yell my name like that?!" I shrieked hysterically as I leapt back a few paces. "And where the hell do you think you're going, you little snot?!" I added on a roar of anger.

Another step back had my foot snagging on an uprooted root, and I landed painfully on my butt. And still they advanced. I felt around for _anything_ that could protect me long enough for Hiei and the others to arrive. My hand raked across something thick and wooden, and I winced as a splinter slid into my palm.

Bingo!

I leapt to my feet and brandished the stick as if it were a sword. "Stay back! I have a stick and I'm not afraid to use it!" I yelled, waving the stick in front of me frantically. "Don't come another step closer! I mean it!"

The mob seemed to subside for a moment, each looking at the other for some sort of guidance. To kill me, or to totter off back to their graves and sleep peacefully until the Apocalypse arrived? I was hoping for the latter, but when they all surged forward in a mass of undead fury and bloodlust, it was obvious they'd chosen the former.

My stick couldn't keep the writhing group at bay- I'd managed to knock the heads off of two, but my little rampage came to a halt when it finally got stuck in-between a creepy bastard's ribs… I sweatdropped, then screamed as I was tackled to the floor and dog-piled.

"Hiei!"

I cringed, curling myself into the foetal position as the hundreds of rotting corpses slowly crushed me into the earth beneath my body. I covered my mouth and nose with a free hand and closed my eyes as tightly as possible. Was this the way I was going to die? Crushed to death by the walking dead? How ironic…

I heard the shouts of my guardians, and the spark of hope was relit. The hand that covered my mouth raised despite the crushing weight, and I slowly thrust it out between to sludge-like bodies and waved it like a signal for them to see.

It worked a charm. I heard the calls of various attacks, and I squirmed into a smaller ball, if that were even possible to protect myself from them.

"Rose whip!"

"Rei gun!"

"Rei-ken!"

The multitude of bodies disappeared around me, and I flinched when Kurama's rose whip got a tad too close for comfort. A lot of the zombies had gotten out of the way, and were currently trying to overwhelm the three, but a few remained doggedly at my side, their fleshless fingers scraping at my legs, and tearing at my hair.

I screamed as one finally got it's hands around my throat, but the noise died out as he exerted more pressure on my windpipe. I grasped at his wrists, my head shaking from side to side as I tried to break his grip. It was no use!

That was when I felt a sudden rise in temperature. I cracked open an eye, and barely caught the flash of black heading straight towards me. Hiei? The world around me darkened, and I gave into the comforting oblivion, just as I heard the yelled attack…

"Jaō Ensatsu Rengoku Shou!"

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**Spirit:** Yosh, another chapter down! Sorry for the wait, mina-san! Thanks to all who reviewed! 


	7. Chapter 7

**Title:** Legally Sane

**Pairings:** HieixOc

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho, I do however own my OC and the story.**

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**

**Chapter Seven: Demons Plus Spice Equals All Things Nice!**

_'It hurts…' _

My first coherent thought in Kami knew how long. I shifted restlessly, white-hot pain lancing up my left arm, and I almost howled in agony. I think I might've as I felt a pair of strong hands holding me down and a gruff voice murmuring something unintelligible in my ear.

"Fuck Hiei! I mean, you were supposed to save her, not fucking barbecue her arm!" Yusuke snapped, and I frowned slightly.

Barbecue whose arm?

"Ma ma, Yusuke! I'm sure Hiei didn't do it on purpose! Look how worried he is!" a bubbly voice interceded, though it was laced with anxiety.

"We all knew you didn't like the girl, but I thought you had more honour than that! Attacking her while she was defenceless, how cowardly can you get?!"

Argh my ears! That voice definitely belonged to Kuwabara, and I hoped to hell he was gonna leave it at that one comment. But what on earth was he talking about? From the sounds of things Hiei hurt an innocent girl by barbecuing her arm…? I'm terribly confused.

"I think everyone needs to calm down- I'm sure all this shouting isn't doing Lydia any good right now." Aha! The voice of reason! Kurama how I love thee!

The angered buzz died down at this, and I noticed throughout the exchange, Hiei hadn't uttered a single word. The hands that had been restraining me before lessened their pressure on my shoulders, and I felt the mattress sink as somebody sat down at my side. Groaning weakly, I managed to crack open one sleep encrusted eye and caught a blurry outline of black. The figure would've been nigh on impossible to distinguish who he actually was, if it wasn't for the narrowed crimson hues currently staring me down.

"Hiei?" I queried faintly.

"Nani?"

"S'hot Hiei…" I managed to slur through dry lips.

He nodded slowly, and turned away for a moment to murmur something to the red blur at his side. I'm guessing that it was Kurama. However instead of opening a window, or anything of the logical sort, the fire demon merely packed a load more blankets on top of me.

I squirmed impatiently, my head tossing from side to side in extreme discomfort. Maybe he hadn't understood what I'd said…Perhaps he thought I said I was cold- Which was entirely plausible as my voice sounded kinda strange. So, I decided to try again.

"Hiei."

"What is it, onna?" Had his voice softened? Nah, probably my imagination.

"S'hot…I said s'hot Hiei…" I reiterated, trying to stress the word 'hot'.

"Hai, wakateru."

I tried to keep my frustration in check. "…Can you take the…Blankets off then?"

"Iie."

I twitched. He sighed deeply, and reached out a hand for something. Moments later and a blissfully cool cloth was draped over my forehead and eyes, obscuring my view. I felt another presence relocate itself closer to me, and I turned my head catching a noseful of rose.

"Kurama?"

"Hai. O genki desu?"

"My arm hurts and I'm hot all over." I pouted some, and I heard him chuckle quietly.

"Well, as long as you're feeling something there can't be much to worry about," he replied, and I think it was his hand that slipped through my matted hair.

I fell silent, and Hiei, well I think it was Hiei, growled softly. The hand stopped its soothing ministrations, and for some reason I felt disappointed. I must've made a noise or something as a smaller one continued Kurama's earlier caresses.

My body relaxed, and I allowed my eyes to flutter closed. I was exhausted, but I remained conscious nonetheless- I wanted to know what happened to me.

Gnawing lightly on my lower lip, I think I surprised them all when I posed my question. "Guys?…What exactly happened to…Me?"

I heard a collective intake of breath, and felt them each look at one other awkwardly.

I waited for an explanation patiently- Wait, I lie. I lay there _enjoying_ a certain someone stroking my hair whilst trying to restrain the contented purr that tried to vibrate in the back of my throat. Alright! I'm hopeless! But if it _was_ Hiei doing the stroking…I don't think any pleasurable sound from my end would likely tick him off. _Especially_ after what had transpired in my kitchen. My face heated at the memory, and Kurama took it as a sign that my fever was taking hold of me again, and replaced the now dry flannel with a cooler one.

Botan was the first to try her hand at explaining; "Well you see…When you were surrounded by the zombies…"

"I blasted you with one of my Jaō Ensatsu techniques," Hiei interjected, voice void of all emotion.

His hand stilled in my hair, but remained where it was. I digested this titbit of information, and managed to nod my head slightly in acknowledgement of his statement.

I moistened my lips and murmured; "You didn't mean to do it though, did you?"

"No," he added reluctantly; "It was aimed at the one choking you, but…"

"Short stuff got his panties in a bunch and lost his cool, that's why he ended up barbecuing your arm," Yusuke slid in smoothly, a touch of humour evident in his tone. It seemed he wasn't too angry at the fire demon now that I was conscious.

Oh so it was _my_ arm that got deep fried like a turkey wing? Now the pain was understandable, and I took great trouble in keeping it out of harms way by laying a protective hand over the charred and bandaged flesh. That was when a heart-stopping thought occurred to me.

"Keisuke? What happened to my little brother?!" I asked, slightly panicked at the thought of him all alone somewhere- perhaps bleeding heavily from all sorts of hideously embellished wounds that my mind created.

"He's alright. We sent Keiko and Shizuru over to your house to check on him, and explain that you would be spending the night here with us at Genkai's temple."

I nodded and relaxed a fraction. So he was alright? Despite the fact that the little jerk had left me to save his own pathetic hide, I couldn't bring myself to be too mad about it. He was most likely guilty as hell for having done it, and guilt _always_ paid off. I'd definitely cash in on it when I got home. But how was I supposed to explain the events of last night…?

'_I modified his memory, as well as that other ningen's,'_ Hiei responded to my mental question.

I didn't think it prudent to ask _how_ he'd done it, so I remained silent on the matter. It was Kuwabara's overexcited squeal that brought me out of my thoughts.

"The power of love that saved you from certain death, Lydia!"

There was a short silence following swiftly on the heels of Kuwabara's addition and my eyebrow rose a notch.

"Kuwabara…" I opened an eye and focused on the tall orange and blue blur at the foot of my bed.

"Yes, oh fair maiden?"

"That sounded so gay…Please refrain from saying that kinda crap around me." I stated, deadpanning as best I could in my current situation.

Yusuke snorted with laughter and Kurama covered his snicker with a fake cough. Kuwabara grinned lopsidedly and shrugged, obviously taking no offence.

Botan stifled a smile and patted the kind oaf on the shoulder. "Tough luck buster- I suggest you keep those _unique_ phrases and use them on Yukina. She's more receptive to them, even if she doesn't understand what you're talking about."

"Amen to that, sister!" Yusuke said loudly, winking at me.

The carrot-top cursed and tackled the brown-eyed boy to the floor, and a good natured scuffle commenced. Highly entertained, I slowly wriggled into a seated position, and the hand that had been in my hair fell into the cradle of my lap and blankets. Hiei blinked and quickly tried to snatch the appendage away before I noticed, but my own hand snaked out and clasped his. His fingers stiffened momentarily as I laced mine through his own bandaged ones, but made no move to force them away.

"Urameshi! You wanna say that again?!"

"Get your ass outta my face you fat lump!"

"You know you like it!"

I giggled, my lips curving into a cheesy grin at the scene, forgetting the pain for the moment. Kurama appeared at my side, thrusting a glass of something cool and green into my free hand. Frowning slightly, I gave him a wary look as I sniffed cautiously at the questionable looking liquid.

I recoiled almost immediately, and fixed the fox with a dour stare. "This stuff reeks like old men's feet." The glass was pressed back into his hands and I huffed slightly. "There is no way in the Three Worlds I'm gonna drink this stuff."

The redhead glanced helplessly at the koorime at my side, and I flashed him a warning glare too, just for insurance. Hiei stared back at Kurama unblinkingly, an eyebrow raised. I could tell from the swift change in the taller boy's face that they were having a mental conversation, and after what seemed like an eternity, Hiei snatched the glass from the other's slack grip, and shoved it under my chin.

I pointedly looked away, ignoring the clammy sweat I was working up from my stubbornness.

"No."

"Drink."

"No."

"Do it."

"No."

"Onna!"

He glared daggers at me, promising painful retribution if I didn't give in and bow down to his masculine superiority. I returned the look with equal fervour, my lips set in a grim line. There was no way in _hell_ that this sex-god could get me to drink that foul substance! I wasn't some hormone driven teenager…I _would_ hold out!

"You can't make me," I dared to add, and his brow furrowed a tad.

"Hn."

I could've bitten my own tongue off at that moment. I should've learnt by now that one couldn't _challenge_ the great Jaganeshi Hiei and not come out unscathed after he's proven you wrong. My mind flittered back to a similar situation which unfortunately involved my tongue and I winced. I tried to dive out of the bed, but the hand that still held mine yanked me back and untangled our laced fingers. Bandaged digits clasped over my nose, squeezing the flared nostrils shut, the flesh of another pressing insistently at the bow of my mouth. I refused to give in! I held my breath, my cheeks puffing out like an irritated hamster's…My eyes narrowing on the tanned beauty.

"Give it up onna, before you pass out," Hiei commanded gruffly, and I shook my head stubbornly.

A minute passed, and I felt myself grow light-headed, my vision darkening a shade at the edges. Damnit, I _would_ hold out! The others watched on in awed silence while Kurama tried to talk Hiei into releasing me before I expired from lack oxygen due to my own stubborn streak.

"Silence fox. You said this would help the onna recover her strength faster, and I'll make her drink it if it's the last thing I do." Hiei took a whiff of the foul concoction and paled slightly, his nose wrinkling with distaste.

I gave him a look that clearly read; 'See? Even _you_ wouldn't touch that shit with a stick!'

But he remained stoically unmoved. The second minute passed, and I distinctly heard the echoed voices of the troubled twosome.

"Hey Urameshi…Her cheeks are turning blue…I doubt she can hold out for much longer;" Kuwabara muttered out the side of his mouth.

Yusuke nodded slowly; "Yeah, Hiei's got her number alright."

He'd barely gotten the last part of his statement out, when I finally caved in. My mouth opened, and I gasped for air like a strangled fish- But what I inhaled _wasn't_ blessed oxygen. No! The bastard immediately tipped that foul brew down my throat, and I ended up coughing a good portion of it back up onto the coverlet and the fire demon himself.

The demon smirked in satisfaction, awkwardly patting me on the back. "Hn. Have you learnt your lesson, Ningen? _Never_ challenge Jaganeshi Hiei."

Was it too much to ask that he remained silent over his victory, rather than bluntly crowing over it without being vulgar??

I snarled weakly; "Y-you vertically impaired midget!…I'm so gonna murder y-you!" I stammered breathlessly.

He snorted in annoyance at the comment and pressed me back into the mattress instead of retaliating which was strange in itself. I felt terribly drowsy and within minutes, I couldn't even find the strength to lift my arm in order to swat the cocky idiot from his perch. The others used my incapacitation as their cue to leave, each murmuring their wishes for me to recover soon, and a promise for something edible later from Botan.

The door slid shut as the last of the group filed out, and I was left with the brooding Hiei. I released a drowsy sigh and eyed the boy at my side blearily. He looked up from his contemplation of the floorboards, a sour expression replacing that of his earlier smug triumph, though his eyes had softened somewhat.

"Sleep onna. I'm not going anywhere."

I nodded slowly and closed my eyes. A hand brushed a few strands of sweat dampened hair from my face, and a smile quirked my lips as I finally succumbed to the dark oblivion of slumber

* * *

I woke up once again to the low murmur of voices, and I cautiously rolled onto my stomach. Opening my eyes, I caught the silhouettes of Kurama and Hiei sitting side by side on the windowsill with their backs to me. Tsking softly beneath my breath, I was fully prepared to snuggle into my covers and allow sleep to claim me again, when I heard the topic of their conversation.

"There's _nothing_ going on fox," Hiei insisted in a dead tone, and I caught the stiffness in his shoulders and spine.

"Don't take me for a fool Hiei," came the chiding reply, "I could feel the tension roll off of the two of you in waves, and if the hand holding couldn't escape the notice of _Kuwabara_, how on earth could you possibly believe it would escape _mine_?"

My ears pricked up, my cheeks flushing a light shade of pink as I realised what they were discussing. Hiei obviously sensed something, as he sent a sharp look over his shoulder, and I quickly shut my eyes and feigned sleep. I felt those crimson hues boring into my own closed ones, and I prayed that my sleep looked natural. A few moments of silence passed, and I felt him look away.

"She almost _poisoned_ me at her dwelling, but instead of slicing her into tiny pieces I…" he paused, possibly ashamed to have to admit this out loud. "…I wanted to claim her."

Kurama made a surprised noise in the back of his throat, and I opened my eyes, catching his signal for the fire demon to continue.

"I'm not exactly sure what happened, but I'd never felt like _that_ before around her _until_ I had that fire food." He grunted, and shifted restlessly on his perch.

"Did Lydia mention the ingredient you reacted adversely to?" the redhead queried.

"She said it was Jal…Jalopy peppers, and that she put in far more than the recipe required. Baka onna." His head turned, and a shaft of moonlight lit up the pout that was currently playing at the corners of his mouth.

Damn, that was so hot.

Kurama chuckled quietly. "You mean _Jalapeno_ peppers. A 'Jalopy' is an old fashioned American car that was mad in the late 1920s."

"Hn. Whatever."

The fox sweatdropped. "Yes, well."

"Are you going to explain this to me, or not?"

"Well, I've read in _certain_ books…" Kurama began, rubbing the back of his head; "That _certain _Ningen vegetables can act as an aphrodisiac to _certain_ demons."

"Care to expand on that, before I lose all patience and rip out your precious voice box?" Hiei snapped, his fingers twirling lightly around the hilt of his sword.

Kurama didn't miss this action, and hurriedly tried to explain better. "As you are a fire demon, some ningen _spicy_ vegetables will make you act as if you were in _heat_."

"So, it has nothing to do with the onna whatsoever."

I felt surge of indignation, followed swiftly by the stabbing pain of disappointment. So he didn't like me in _that_ way? If I'd let it continue, it would've ended up as a way to sate his lust, and he would've been on his merry way? Wow, don't _I_ feel special.

"Faced with Mukuro in such a situation, would you have done the same to her, as you did to Lydia?" The question was sly, but was posed in _such_ an innocent way…

Who the _hell_ was Mukuro?! Jealousy replaced the feeling of disappointment. Man, I had it bad. Still…I couldn't help the sudden flare as my curiosity in his response reared its ugly head.

"Don't ask such pointless questions fox. You know the answer to that."

…What the hell kinda answer was that?? Did the bastard know I was awake, and wanted to torture me for eavesdropping in the first place?!

"Then the answer to your rhetorical question is a negative, I'm afraid."

"…"

"It's only logical- You'd only want to claim someone you would deem equal…" At Hiei's scoff, Kurama added, "Or someone you found attractive in both body and mind. Not wanting to bed Mukuro in the same scenario only leads to the conclusion that you find Lydia more than passable."

Hiei remained silent, and Kurama sighed, resting a light hand on his friend's shoulder.

"Don't…Be so set against this. Not _all_ humans are bad, and Lydia is proof of this- As is Yusuke and Kuwabara…Even Botan."

The fire demon huffed and sidled away from the redhead. Taking this as his cue to follow his companion's earlier actions, Kurama slipped off of the windowsill and slowly strode over to the sliding door that led to the hall. He paused, glancing at me, and our eyes connected. He smiled serenely at me, and gave me a quick salute.

"You won't be able to deny this Hiei if it happens _again_ you know." was his parting shot as the door slid shut with a soft _thunk_, leaving the two of us to draw our own conclusions from the conversation.

"Hn."

Hiei heaved a confused sigh, and leapt out of the window, vanishing into the dark of the night. I sat up slowly, my free hand rubbing gently over my bandaged arm to soothe the irritated flesh beneath. My mind was in turmoil and I huffed softly beneath my breath. So Hiei found me 'more than passable', eh? Kurama believed he was in denial, and the knowledge caused a small smirk to form on my lips. The fox knew the koorime better than anyone…So perhaps I had a chance!

Exhaustion overwhelmed me for the third time in a space of a few hours, and I quickly shifted myself into a comfortable position. I fell asleep with one thought still in my mind;

_Next_ time, I'll definitely be sure to spike his food with Jalapeno peppers.

* * *

**Spirit:** Yosh! A filler chapter if you will to answer all those wonderful questions you might've had from the last installment. I'd once again like to thank all those who reviewed, and to reiterate that _constructive_ criticism is appreciated and **complimentary** reviews even more so!

* * *

**Question Time!**

**1) Did Hiei break the baka's hand?  
**No, just mildly sprained it! Possibly popped one of his knuckles...Who knows?

**2) How do you know so much Japanese? Do you have a dictionary or something?  
**Shh...It's a secret.

**3) Is Lydia at Yusuke's or Kurama's school?  
**Neither, actually. I wanted her to be totally separated from the original characters of the story- Their meeting seems more plausible that way.

**4) Why did the demon dog pop up in the freezer?  
**Heh, heh...I'm sorry, I was up all night watching the Ghostbuster films...And so I used it as a basis for that particular chapter. It was funny though, right?!

**5) What the hell was up with Hiei in chapter six?!  
**Well, I did explain it in this chapter...But for those who speed read I'll say it again. Certain demons are affected sexually by certain human vegetables- For fire demons, _spicy_ vegetables get them all hot and horny- And seeing as Lydia used six Jalapeno peppers (everyone knows how motherfucking hot _they_ are), Hiei got super turned on, and put him into a premature state of heat _well_ before time. Note that this concept is _my_ idea. Don't steal.


	8. Chapter 8

**Title:** Legally Sane

**Pairings:** HieixOc

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho, but I do own Lydia and the story.

**

* * *

****Chapter Eight: Gender Bending and Meet The Parents**

It was a cool Saturday afternoon, exactly three days since the Cemetery Episode. I'd almost fully recovered from the events of that night, though my arm was still heavily bandaged due to the roasting it had received- And no matter how many glasses of that green shit Kurama and Hiei had forced down my throat on an hourly basis, it wasn't enough to heal it completely in such a short space of time. I had returned home the day before yesterday, finding my house in a state of normalcy- The fridge was still well-stocked, the furniture was in one piece and the white shag-pile in the living room remained it's pristine colour.

Something was fishy, and it didn't fully register until my brother strolled into the kitchen.

Hiei and I had been seated side by side atop the kitchen counter, a half empty tub of chocolate ice-cream dividing the space between us. The fire demon seemed a tad more relaxed than usual- And dare I say it? He looked seriously cute. He'd forgone the use of his long coat and boots and was sitting Indian style next to me, a smudge of chocolate sauce apparent at the corner of his mouth, his spoon dangling dangerously from slightly parted lips and his eyes were slightly glazed over. Had I found _another_ one of his weaknesses?

Note to self: Feed Hiei chocolate ice-cream covered jalapeno peppers.

My spoon slid into the tub, scraping some of the remnants of the sticky treat from the sides of the carton, then made it's unhurried journey back to my mouth. I'm sad to say it never made it- Actually, the glob of gooey sweetness ended up on my favourite leggings, forever staining the light blue material.

Why had this happened, you ask?

Well wouldn't _you_ be even more than _slightly_ disturbed to find your younger brother parading around in butchered fishnets and your old frilly pink ballet tutu from way back when?

My eyes widened significantly, and I stared in obvious awe. I elbowed Hiei in the ribs, and he glanced up sharply, a pout already curling the corners of his mouth. I ignored this, _only_ because there was seriously something wrong with my junior sibling.

Our gazes followed the brunette as he wandered across the kitchen, coming to a stop at the fridge which we happened to be sitting next to- Pausing only to crack it open and pull out a carton of milk. Now this was where I expected him to pop the carton open and drink straight from it like the slob he was…He shocked me however by merely pouring the calcium enriched goodness into a _clean _glass and proceeded to drink it from there _after_ he'd returned the milk back to it's original place.

Okay, there is no need to freak out over this. Lets find the problem out in a calm manner…

"Yo Hammy-kun?" He glanced up questioningly- Something he _never_ does when I use that name; "You sure are acting a bit fruity…Have you finally come out of the closet?"

Now I bet you're wondering what I meant by that…Y'see, I've always stuck by my theory that my little brother was gay. Why? Cause of his _extremely_ close relationship with his friend Ichigo (I actually never knew who he was until the Cemetery Incident- I'd always called him 'Fairy')- As well as the fact I found a _gay_ pr0n magazine under his pillows when I did my routine inspection of his room. He'd denied the whole thing at the time, saying that it had actually belonged to an older boy at school who'd wanted to hide it from the teachers. Like I was going to buy _that_. So what if he was only thirteen? It only proved that males _do_ develop sexually at an early age.

His face screwed up in a classic imitation of my own warped expression, his blue eyes narrowing somewhat at me. Then as if a light bulb had been switched on inside his head, he smiled serenely at me- Like a lovesick teenager. "What on earth are you talking about, sister dear?"

Okay…That was slightly creepy… Lets try a different tact. "…Alright why are you running around in…" I gesticulated wildly at his outfit, momentarily speechless from the horror of it all "…In _that_?"

Keisuke looked down at himself and frowned. "I wanted to look special for Ichigo…Is pink not my colour?"

"Eh?!" My jaw dropped, and I almost lost my seat. What the _hell_ was going on here?! I glared suspiciously at Hiei, and he merely shrugged indifferently at me.

I…Cannot believe my _brother_ had asked me such a _feminine_ question. I feel violated- Really I do. My mind whirled with the possible answers I could rattle off of at him, but when I saw those cobalt hues of his glisten with unshed moisture, I caved slightly.

"No! You look rather cute in pink," I assured him, "It's just…How can I put this?…Boys don't wear _pink_ is all." Maybe he'd get my hint.

The brunette cocked his head to the side, his smile firmly back in place; "Of course they don't."

I felt like I'd just hit a brick wall. Lets try this again…"Keisuke…"

He interrupted me, raising a hand; "My name isn't Keisuke silly…" He giggled…_Giggled_ for Kami's sake!

"Uh…Okay? Then what _is_ your name?"

I don't think I wanna know…

"It's Kanae! How could you forget your baby sisters name?"

My face dropped and I fell to the floor with a dull _thud_, flat on my back with my legs akimbo. I immediately jumped to my feet, my hands clamping down harshly on Keisuke's…No Kanae's…Damnit! The _brat's_ shoulders.

"Okay you little snot this _isn't_ funny in the least…Stop fucking around unless you want a taste of my famous Kung Pow Fist. Understand?"

That's when I heard it. Not a full-blown apology, or a snide comment along the lines of 'Ha, I fooled you, you complete dumbass!'. No. It was a distressed _sniffle_. Kami help me.

"Ow…You're hurting me big sister…" he whined, his lips twisting into a distinctively feminine pout.

I recoiled and scuttled backwards until my butt hit the edge of the counter between Hiei's legs, my arms held up high to protect my face and other upper vital areas.

"Hn. Kurama warned me that there may be side affects to using the Jagan on anyone below the age of twenty-five…" Hiei mused around a mouthful of chocolate ice-cream.

I whirled on the demon and bopped him on the head, causing him to topple forward into my shoulder. He snapped back, the glazed look in his eyes fading momentarily.

"What?!"

The indignant tone had no affect on me whatsoever, I was close to hysterics! First my brother was almost _devoured_ by the living dead, and _now_ he was gender confused! If I thought I was in trouble before…Jeez, I didn't want to think about what would happen once the rents had returned.

"You broke my brother and now he thinks he's a girl you _jackass_!" I yelled, stamping a socked foot on the worn linoleum. "And what's more, mum and dad will be back in _three_ freaking days! What am I supposed to tell them?!"

"Yare, yare…" Hiei muttered, hopping off of the counter with a slight shrug. "You Ningens go from one extreme to the next."

"Damnit, don't act so blasé about this!" I snapped, waving my hands violently.

Keisuke…Or Kanae…Whatever…Squeaked and hid behind Hiei, his round face peeking at me from over his shoulder. "Big sister is so scary…" he whispered.

"Ningen, if you want the chance to father children, I suggest you refrain from touching me." Hiei scowled darkly at my cowering brother and sidestepped his cloying grip.

I watched the exchange with mild, if a tad misplaced, humour when a thought occurred to me. "Hiei? Query…What's a 'Jagan'? Is it like an anal probe for brains?"

Turning in my direction, I couldn't help but notice the superior smirk that graced my crush's lips. A bandaged hand lifted to finger the pristine white bandana at his forehead and the skilful digits hooked beneath the material. He yanked his hand to the side, and the cloth came off with a flourish, fluttering to the floor. I looked on in interest. It was….

"_That_…" he began, his tone full of pride; "Is the Jagan."

…It was an eye. Okay, it was a _cool_ looking eye, but an eye nonetheless. I frowned and took a few steps forward until I came nose to nose with the boy. My head canted to the side. It was just like his other two eyes, though instead of the scarlet I was used to, it was a brilliant shade of violet with a tiny pupil in the middle.

Under my scrutiny, it seemed to 'puff' out proudly, as if to say; 'Yes, I am just too cool for you mortal! Fear my third-eyeness! Mwahaha!'

I glared icily at it and shrieked; "Oh my God, your _third_ eye gender-bended my baby brother!" I lifted a finger, and jabbed him in his 'Jagan'. Tehe, that sounded naughty.

Hiei howled in utter agony and fell back into the table clutching the oozing orb, his two _regular_ eyes watering and glaring daggers at me.

"What the hell did you do that for, wench?" he snarled.

"That'll teach you to use that thing on unsuspecting mortals!" I announced scathingly, turning my back on the writhing demon.

"And as for _you_…" I added, grabbing my younger brother by the scruff of his leotard, "_You_ are coming with me."

We were at the door in record time- I'd slipped on my sneakers, and I paused momentarily to allow my brother to do the same. Unfortunately he chose to put on mum's high heels. Closing my eyes in shame and despair, I didn't even bother to reprimand him.

"Big sister?" I glanced sharply at him. "Where are we going."

"To Kurama's house, and _Hiei_ will be leading us there, aren'tcha little guy?"

Hiei had stalked out into the hall, trying to wind the bandana around his injured eye. "And what makes you think I'll aid _you_ baka onna?" He smirked as if he believed there was nothing I could do to _persuade_ him into helping me out.

My lips curled sinisterly, and I clasped my hands behind my back. "Well, if you don't…I'll tell the _others_ that you tried to rape me in my own kitchen." He stiffened, and I released a creepy chuckle, turning away for a moment. "And everyone knows how much you despise _Ningens_…So what do you think they'll say if they knew?"

When I looked back, Hiei's entire frame was covered in black flame, and I could tell he was having a terrible internal battle…To kill me, and say it was merely an accident…Or to give in. He visibly wilted, and flitted past me and out into the sunshine. I followed after him, tugging a squirming Keisuke behind me.

Haha…Now I had him by the balls.

* * *

"…It's _just_ a nickname mother…No she's _not_ my girlfriend…Yes that _is_ a boy wearing a ballet outfit…" 

Perhaps I should've done some research on Kurama before pounding on his door at dinner time- Though it _was_ extremely amusing watching the fox sweat nervously as his shocked family fired out numerous questions about his unannounced guests.

I bet you're wondering what we could have possibly done to have caused such chaos.

Well, we'd appeared on the boy's doorstep around ten minutes ago, and instead of asking for someone called 'Suiichi'- the redhead's _human_ name when the door was inevitably answered by his unsuspecting mother, I'd asked for Kurama. _She'd_ gently informed me that I must be at the wrong place, and moved to close the door on us.

Hiei, who'd grown quite surly during our little field trip, had shoved his foot in-between the door and the jamb, growling out something highly unintelligible. This in turn had frightened the fox's mother, and I had to play peacemaker for a moment. At the sudden commotion at his front door, Kurama had come to inspect the problem, only for his face to pale considerably at the sight of the three of us, and his terrified parent.

Predictably, the _other_ parent and the guy's younger brother had also followed, and now we were all standing in the living room, awaiting the go-ahead from the parents for us to go up to Kurama's room. Of course, _just_ as things were starting to return to a state of normalcy, my _brother_ just had to go and fuck things up when he decided to claim the mild-mannered green eyed boy with an excited squeal of;

"Shame on you big sister, for keeping such a gorgeous man all to yourself!" Adding after he'd gotten Kurama's attention; "Now tell me, do you prefer Brunettes?"

This was fucking hilarious. Kurama sweatdropped and went an interesting shade of red; his father's eyebrows rose up to his receding hairline and his brother almost busted a rib from the hilarity of it all. His mother however, had to sit down from fear of actually _fainting_.

Deciding to save the fox's bacon, I grabbed Keisuke by his leotard _again_ and dragged him up the stairs in the vague direction of Kurama's bedroom. Naturally as a guest who'd never been here before, I had to open seven different doors until I came to a room which looked like it _may_ have belonged to him.

Kurama appeared not soon after, practically bolting the door shut behind him. He didn't turn to look at us for a moment, his pale hands bracing his shaking form against the worn oak. The silence ticked by rather slowly, and I was beginning to feel a tad uneasy. Wasn't Kurama the charming, popular one of the group?

When he finally spun around, his ivy eyes flickering to a deep gold with something akin to cold fury blazing in those dazzling orbs…I couldn't suppress the shiver of apprehension that slid down my spine. Keisuke, not having noticed the distinct change in fox boy's demeanour, opened his mouth to say something that could have possibly gotten his head lopped off- I of course, immediately stemmed the flow of girly gibberish before it was uttered by clapping a clammy hand over his mouth.

"Now, now Kurama…" I began hesitantly as he slowly morphed into his alter ego (how he managed that after I'd been told by Hiei that it was nigh on impossible for him to do so _unless_ he was deeply angered, was beyond me…For what I'd done couldn't constitute for such a dramatic change, right?); "I did intrude upon your private time with your family for a _good_ reason…"

The silver-haired Yokai, formerly my redheaded 'friend' stopped in front of me, glaring down at me dispassionately. Oh _shit…_

Before I even had a chance to call on Hiei for help, (he'd mysteriously appeared on the opposite side of the room, with his eyes closed, and a smirk gracing his lips), I was hoisted to eye level by the Yoko, my feet dangling helplessly about a foot from the ground.

"You've upset my _Ningen_ side, girl…" he purred out, his tone laced with steely amusement. "It's quite hard to rile him up…Did you by any chance, threaten his kin?"

I squeaked, and shook my head in the negative. I didn't trust my voice at that moment, so opted for silence.

'_He's seriously going to disembowel me, isn't he?'_ I thought frantically, feeling my air supply dwindling.

That seemed to make him pause; "Then what _did_ you do, if I may ask? Answer quickly, and I may decide to _not_ sic one of my Ningen eating plants on you."

'_Oh wow, how magnanimous of you O' Bushy Tailed One'_ I snapped mentally, despite my fear of my ever present and looming death. I could've sworn I heard Hiei snicker softly in my mind, and mutter something along the lines of 'Ah, so she _does_ possess a backbone after all…' I glanced suspiciously over my shoulder at him, but he remained as expressionless as ever.

The sudden _hissing_ noise caught my attention, and I found myself staring down the foaming mouth of an extremely pissed off red plant. My sweatdrop grew larger, and I could've sworn blue lines streaked down the left side of my face as I paled considerably.

"I am not known for my patience, Ningen…" he reminded me in a sing-song voice.

"Okay, okay! I'll tell you! Just get that thing out of my face!" I shrieked hysterically, recoiling in the spirit fox's grip.

He merely smiled that serene Kurama-ish smile at me, and slowly moved the arm the plant was wrapped around away from me. "From the beginning please. _We_ do like to weigh the variables, and if all is in your favour, _we'll_ spare your life this time. If not then…" I didn't want to know about the 'if not' part.

"Hiei used his Jagan on my brother Keisuke." I jabbed a thumb over my shoulder at the boy currently dressed in my old ballet attire and was busy sending sparkly looks at the fox. "And unintentionally…At least it _better_ have been unintentionally…" I added this for Hiei's benefit, "Gender-bendered him. And _now_ he thinks he's a girl."

The Yokai nodded slowly and cocked his head to the side. "And what has that got to do with _us_?"

"I was getting to that," I snapped back, irritated. "Y'see, Hiei let it slip during this entire fiasco, that _you_…Well that is to say, the _redhead_ had told him it was risky using the Jagan on _anyone_ under the age of twenty-five. So naturally, I came here in order for you…Or your alter ego…To fix him before my parents come back and totally freak out."

"That seems fair enough. But why is it, that my Ningen side is so upset with you?" By upset, I _knew_ he meant so utterly furious that he unintentionally turned Yoko.

"Well…Uhm…" I pressed the index fingers of both opposing hands together nervously. At his sudden glare of impatience, I hurriedly carried on my explanation. "IaccidentallyaskedforKuramainsteadofSuiichiandhisparentsthoughtIwashisgirlfriendandIalmostblewhiscoverinasense!"

The fox's ear twitched, and it took him a couple of seconds to digest this information. "So you almost blew _our_ cover?" At my nod, he sighed irritably. "And he got so bent out of shape over _that_? It wouldn't take much for the Koorime to remove this entire episode from their minds, or for him to use a plant from the Makai to make them forget."

The plant that was wrapped around his arm suddenly began to shrink until nothing was left, other than the small glowing red seed in Yoko's now open palm. Slipping the greenery into his silvery locks, he slowly lowered me to the floor, but didn't relax his grip on me.

Instead, he merely lowered himself to his white clad knees in front of me, his golden eyes scrutinizing me from head to toe, ( he _had_ to kneel in order to be at eye level with me…How considerate! Shame it made me feel terribly inferior.) I sweated slightly under his gaze, and tried to keep my limbs from trembling in nervous anticipation of what he was about to do next. However, I wasn't prepared for _this_ kind of assault.

Much like Hiei had done a few days ago, I found Yoko's nose ensconced in the area where my neck met my shoulder, and I was more than a little surprised when a rough tongue flickered out across my collarbone. He remained like that for a moment, and I was too afraid to move. Was he planning on eating me?!

"What an enticing scent…" he purred into my throat, and I twitched.

A sudden flash of black appeared in my peripheral vision, and I soon found myself flat on my back beside Kurama's bed. When I looked up, I saw Hiei straddling the taller Yokai's waist, his katana pressed tightly against Yoko's pale throat. The fox demon remained composed, a sadistic little smile curling the corners of his mouth, and I could tell from Hiei's darkening scowl that they were sharing a telepathic conversation.

A sliver of blood slid sluggishly down the slender throat, coating the tip of Hiei's sword with the crimson liquid the same shade as his eyes, and I hesitantly crawled over to the two. Placing a hand on Hiei's shoulder, I was rewarded by a startled shift in his body, and he turned his pupiless eyes on me, a low growl emitting from the back of his throat.

Upon recognising me- possibly from my scent from the state he was in, he leapt off of Yoko and on top of _me, _his thighs straddling my waist instead of the fox's. One bandaged hand caught both of my wrists in an iron grip and held them above my head, and I realised that this probably wasn't a good time to struggle- _Especially_ when Hiei was in this particular frame of mind. The fire apparition's head ducked until his lips barely grazed my own, his eyes holding a questioning quality only underlined by his strange attraction to me.

My mouth went dry- I mean, wouldn't yours if you were in this sort of situation, what with the sexy as hell demon crouched over you, and ready to crush your lips in a passionate kiss at any given moment?! I was torn- Between my own sense of self-preservation, and the sudden heat that was coiling in my belly. Well, to satisfy both of their sensibilities, I decided that I wouldn't be the one to make the first move- Happy now Self-Preservation? But that didn't mean I'd fight against it, if _he_ initiated anything. That should meet with Lust's wishes.

We remained like that for a moment, our breaths mingling in the little space he afforded me- And as if his muddled brain had come to a decision, his lips swooped down on mine, choking off whatever Self-Preservation would've had me say to diffuse this situation.

Three words ladies and gentlemen. Oh. My. God.

My eyes slid shut almost immediately, and my body completely heated up beneath the warmth of his own. His lips melded perfectly with mine, and despite my inexperience with members of the opposite sex, I decided to let _him_ take the lead. Didn't want to embarrass myself. A tongue slid sensually along the fullness of my bottom lip, and on instinct, I parted them- Effectively giving the demon entry to the inside of my mouth.

And if I hadn't thought I was close to touching heaven before…It just got better.

His tongue enticed my own into an erotic dance that held the promise of what our bodies could easily mimic later one; the sensitive muscles coiling around one an other followed by the occasional suck from Hiei. The kiss deepened even more, if that was possible, and I felt a moan work it's way to the back of my throat. Hiei responded in kind with a throaty growl that sent shivers up my spine, and after a few pleasurable moments, he eased up slowly out of the kiss and pulled back slightly to nip at my now bruised lips.

My eyes opened slowly, and my glazed eyes gazed intently into pools of endless scarlet. The two of us weren't broken out of our reverie until _someone_ coughed lightly to gain our attention. As it had been rather loud, and forced, I guessed the person had been doing it for _quite_ awhile.

Hiei was the first to come to his senses, and he stared down at me in apparent shock…Which in actuality was a shock in _itself_ as he'd _never_ shown this kind of expression to me, or anyone else for that matter. With a muffled curse at the sight of my swollen mouth, he released his grip on my wrists and skilfully rolled as far away from me as was humanly possible in a room of this size. He ended up with his back against the wall, fighting to regain his ice cold composure.

It took me, however, a tad longer to recover. I slowly pushed myself into a seated position as I tried to regulate my breathing, my vision clearing sluggishly. My mind was still completely fuzzy, and I glanced at myself in the floor-length mirror on the back of Kurama's door. My eyes widened considerably. My hair was in complete disarray, half of those straight ebon locks covering the left side of my face; my eyes still held a confused glazed look in them, even though I could see properly, and my lips were totally red and bruised.

In short, I looked like I'd been mercilessly ravished. This fact did not disturb me as much as it should have.

My gaze travelled the length of the room, taking in the occupants faces; Kurama had reverted to his human form, and was trying hard not to laugh at whoever he was looking at…Keisuke had momentarily passed out, his nose bleeding profusely…And Hiei was now standing in the corner he'd fled to, with his usual cold demeanour, though I did catch the unmistakeable pink tint dusting his tanned cheekbones. He pointedly looked away the same time I did, and my face turned an interesting shade of red.

Sensing the sudden uncomfortable silence Kurama stepped in; "You barged into my house for a reason, yes?"

"Hm, what?…Yes! I did! You need to fix Keisuke for me!" I waved a hand at my unconscious brother, trying to ignore the creepy fan-girl grin that was spread across his otherwise lax face. "Hiei used his Third-Eye of Doom on him!"

Kurama frowned and strode over to the incapacitated boy, sparing an irritated glare for the fire demon. "Hiei, did I not warn you that using the Jagan could induce some interesting side-affects?" he queried, leaning over my brother.

"Hn- That's why I did it. You mentioned the word 'interesting'." Hiei muttered. "And he was an increasingly annoying human who needed to watch his tongue just as much as his sister needs to."

At the mention of _tongues_, I squeaked, and crawled quickly over to where Kurama was. I didn't dare look at Hiei. That was such a perfectly good opportunity to tease the boy, but that would have wound up with me getting indirectly teased as well. My ears burned.

"Yes, well…" the fox responded distractedly as he began to pull various seeds from some hidden place in his hair. Perusing the handful of seeds in his palm, he asked me what the problem was with my brother.

I was astounded that he'd ask something so dense. "Oh, I dunno Kurama…Maybe the fact that he's wearing my old _ballet_ _tutu_ and was trying to _hit_ on you earlier," I returned sarcastically, which was totally lost on the redhead.

Kurama, after a few minutes of quiet deliberation, finally settled for an aquamarine seed the shape of six inch nail, and was now busy trying to insert it into my sleeping brother's neck. I gasped in horror and slapped at the kitsune's hand feebly.

"What the hell are you gonna do with _that_?!" I yelled, finally forcing his hand away from the youth's neck.

"It's called Jujin;" he replied calmly, gently disentangling me from his rock steady limbs. "It's a memory plant- Whatever Hiei 'broke' this plant will 'fix' it."

"…It's not going to restore the memories of the Cemetery Episode, is it?"

"No."

"…Is it going to mess him up even more?"

"As I said, it's going to 'fix' whatever Hiei 'broke' thus returning your younger sibling to a state of normalcy…" At my stunned look, he added; "Well, what was normal for _him_ that is."

I nodded my approval, and meekly watched on as Kurama inserted the strange seed into his neck, just between the space where the spinal column met his skull. The seed began to glow an eerie shade of white, and I watched the slight feminine curves of my brother's face recede into the slightly sharp, yet awkward pre-teen angles that they'd been before.

After five minutes, Kurama sighed and removed the seed, quickly slipping it back into the waves of glossy red hair. "He'll be out of it for a few hours, which should be more than enough time for you two to get him home and into his _own_ clothes. When he wakes up, he'll believe he just fell asleep. Nothing more."

I murmured my thanks to the fox, and quickly stood, pausing to scoop my younger brother into my arms. I faltered slightly from the excess weight, but remained upright nonetheless. Damn, had he put on weight?! Kurama opened his door for me, and I tottered out, sending a questioning look at Hiei over my shoulder.

"I'll be out in a moment, Onna."

I inclined my head, murmured my thanks _again_ and wandered off down the stairs. Once I'd reached the bottom, I was met with the intense stares of his family, and I twitched.

"My brother has a calcium deficiency…If he doesn't get the minimum required intake of calcium, then he passes out. No, don't bother getting up, I'll see myself out! Thank you for having us!" I bowed clumsily over my brother's torso, and walked hurriedly to the front door, pausing to slip my shoes on. I left the high heels alone, hoping Hiei would be a dear and bring them with him.

I had barely walked a hundred yards down the street when Hiei appeared at my side, two _very_ feminine red high heels dangling from his fingers. He looked at me in utter disgust, and I must admit I was relieved to see that expression. I hoped he wouldn't act strange around me…

"I hope you don't expect me to _carry_ these…Things."

I snorted. "Well, I'll be nice and give you a choice. Either you carry the shoes, _without_ so much as a complaint, _or_ you could carry my brother who decided to play dress-up in my old clothes." His eye twitched and he subsided into silence, slipping the offensive footwear into the folds of his voluminous cloak.

We arrived at my house just before sundown, and I slipped the house keys to the demon. He opened the door with a flourish, and I stumbled in kicking off my sneakers in the process. Wheezing, I padded along the hall, up the stairs and into my brother's darkened room placing him as gently and as quickly as I could on his bed before striding over to his wardrobe. I pulled out a few random articles of clothing, things that I could easily slip onto his semi-nude form- Jeans were a bitch, so I settled for some moth-eaten tracksuit bottoms that hadn't seen the light of day in Kami knew when.

I swiftly stripped him, and re-dressed him in the loose clothing and slowly left the room, closing the door shut behind me. It had been a long, highly amusing, yet exhausting day. My head felt like it was going to explode, and I was hungry as hell. I slipped down the stairs and into the kitchen, popping open the fridge to remove a day old slice of pizza. Closing the door behind me, I slid into a seat and chewed half-heartedly.

It wasn't long before I felt my eyes begin to close. Usually I would've fought the natural urge to sleep, but sensing that Hiei was close I eventually gave in knowing he'd make sure I was put to bed. I heard him step into the kitchen with a muttered; "Baka Onna…" before I fell into exhausted slumber.

* * *

**Spirit:** Yes! We now know the effects of the Jagan on unsuspecting mortals! Mwahaha...Next chapter will have us switching from Lydia's POV to the POV of the Bad Guys! We need to give these maniacal fiends some screen time, don'tcha think?

Right, I'd just like to address a 'non-reveiew' in my opinion.

**Kohaku Hoshi**  
2006-12-06  
ch 1, reply

better change the summary, you can get your fic removed for cusswords. and please don't put in random Japanese stuff, or at least put in a translation in the footnotes, kk? dub-philes probably will get confused.

just lettin ya know.

Firstly; in chapters 2 and 3- I _did_ put a glossary for the Japanese words.  
Secondly; You are the only one who had a problem with the Japanese. Don't like it, then don't read. Don't leave that kind of crap in my review box. I have an email link in my profile, use it next time.

On a lighter note, thanks to all those who reviewed the last chapter. It's very much appreciated, and I love you all for it Y'all know the drill, **constructive** criticisim is wonderful, and _complimentary_ reviews even more so!


	9. Chapter 9

**Title:** Legally Sane

**Pairings:** HieixOc

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho, I do own Lydia, the story and these...Strange Bad Guys. Oh, and E.M.O.

**

* * *

****Chapter Nine: E.M.O- Introducing The Bad Guys**

I was freaking late. _Again_! I swear, my tardiness is going to get me cruelly incinerated via my Master's hand if I wasn't careful- The last time I'd appeared later than I should have, I ended up losing my right ear. And oh, what a beautiful ear it was! No self-respecting demon female would _ever_ look at a man with only _one_ ear! Woe is me…

Anyway, I managed to flit from my chambers at the opposite side of the mansion to the other in just under ten seconds- Slow under most people's standards, but _extremely_ fast for me. What kind of demon am I, that moving the length of a building in ten seconds is actually _slow_? I am what humans call a Sloth.

No, I don't _actually_ look like those filthy creatures, but I do share a common laziness with them. I'm actually bright blue, three feet tall with only one ear and a long snout. I guess by human standards I'd be labelled ugly, but to be perfectly honest, among my own species I am revered as a God.

Alright, I lie. They too find me something of an eyesore, and I'm not particularly cool either. I was the demon who _always_ got picked on by the others, as my powers didn't come to me until I was a hundred years old; fifty years too late. What can I say? I'm a late bloomer.

Moving on. I was now outside the small awning that led to the stage my Master was currently performing on, and I quickly eased myself inside, passing various fawning demon females…As well as Turk. Shit.

"Oh-ho! What's this? Little Baldric late again?" he sneered, pushing his hairy face as close to my own hairless one as possible without _actually_ kissing me by mistake.

If you hadn't guessed, _that_ was my name. Baldric. I _loathed_ my mother for giving me such a weak name. Why couldn't she have called me Thor, or Draconius? What the _fuck_ did she call me Baldric for?!

I grinned nervously despite my inward tirade, and tried to sidestep the Boar demon. Of course, as I'd stated before, my speed is nothing compared to everyone else's, and even though Turk was packing a lot more weight than I was…He _still_ moved faster than me.

I ended up walking into his sweat streaked chest.

Recoiling immediately, I adjusted my faded green robes, and drew myself up to an impossibly tall three foot one. Turk had about seven extra feet on me, so the tip of my remaining ear only reached his exposed nipple. Wonderful.

"Gomen…" I squeaked, taking an awkward step back. "Uhm, Turk?" He grunted. "Would you mind letting me past? I have to be there to support the Master."

Turk merely glowered at me, but let me pass nonetheless. He knew that the Master would need my intellect, no matter _how_ hard it was to get me to put the effort into his speeches, and should I be prevented from carrying out my job when I felt motivated enough to do it, then the person would find himself severely punished and probably hanging off the end of a skewer.

"The time is almost upon us!"

I released a sigh, and rested my shoulder against the metal pole at my side. It was 'The Speech'- Sure it was _I_ who had created this ridiculous piece of drivel jam packed with the most despicable clichés known to man, but still, I couldn't help but cringe every time I heard it. It very much resembled the Good Guy's speech that they usually spouted in their pursuit of righteousness should us Evil Doers suggest something that was against their warped version of a Man's Code of Honour- Only it motivated the Bad Guys.

"We have received word from Ghul, that the ningen female Takeshima Lydia is in actual fact the Keymaster! Rejoice for the time when Ningenkai and Makai become merged is drawing near!" my Master screeched, his high pitched tone grating on my sensitive hearing.

Who is Ghul? Ghul is the demon dog we sent about a week ago to scope out the ningen's capacity for being the Keymaster. Of course, he'd ended up decapitated by the female's unlikely protector Jaganeshi Hiei, but he _still_ managed to contact me telepathically before he'd faded from existence to give me the good news.

Okay, now that I have told you who _I_ was, and who _Ghul_ was…You're probably wondering who _all_ of us are as a whole, right?

Well, we are the collective formally known as The E.M.O. Wanna know what that stands for? The Evil Men Organization- Lame name, but it serves its purpose, ne? Originally, the group had only started out with the four of us- My Master, _Harold_ whom we merely call Kage-Sama as he despises his own name as much as I loathe my own; myself (I didn't warrant a cool nickname), Turk and Humperdink, Turk's younger _sister_ who likes to dress up as a man. She looks like one, so it doesn't really matter all that much.

Fifty years later, and we'd grown considerably large. We had over two hundred loyal followers here in Ningenkai, and the backing of most of the Demon Lords and _their_ underlings back in Makai. As I said, we'd grown considerably in a short space of time. Now seeing as we have S-class and A-class demons on our side, it must make one wonder why we haven't taken over the Human Realm yet.

Two words. Kekkai Barrier. Heard of it? It's that wonderful net shaped energy that blocks _all_ routes out of Makai and was placed their thousands upon thousands of years ago by the bloody King of Hell and his pitiful offspring. Many of the lower class Yokai with only the basic of instincts (that of to feed and kill) are allowed through this net, as they are not seen as much of a threat- Even if hundreds of them spilled through at once. From B-class all the way up to S-class…They couldn't even _touch_ the barrier, let alone get _through_ it.

So now we were stuck.

Until of course, Master had a premonition. Well, it was the first one he'd had in hundreds of years, and it wasn't all that specific…But after three weeks of contemplating it's meaning, we finally realised that there _was_ another way to allow the higher class Yokai into Ningenkai _without_ bypassing the Kekkai Barrier. By using a human who had been infected with Yokai blood, we could open a gate between the two worlds, and thus release all kinds of chaos.

"…Baldric?"

"Yes, Master?" I snapped to attention, and glanced enquiringly at the taller form of my human-esque Boss.

He was tall; shorter than Turk but still tall compared to myself. His hair was chin length and grey, and his eyes were a calculating gold- Though there wasn't _too_ much substance behind them, he just thought it looked cool to give off the impression that he was thinking up many ways to ensure you get a painful death. He was a Bat demon, though the only things that showed him as such, were the pointed bat wings behind his elongated ears and the sharp incisors that forever poked over thin lips. In short, I thought him to be beautiful…Not in a gay sense mind you. I was pure Hetero.

"The Elders want us to retrieve the girl," he stated.

"I see…Who are you thinking of sending?" I asked, and when he looked expectantly at _me_, I blanched. "W-wait a minute! You can't send _me! _I'd only end up botching the job, and I'd lose another ear. Send Turk."

One must wonder why I was able to talk to my Master like that. It's _all_ in the tone. If I made myself sound incompetent, then my Master would inevitably respond in kind.

"I was _joking_ you pitiful excuse of a Yokai;" he sneered, his words dripping with venom. "Don't get your hopes up, I was already willing to send Turk on the job. _He_ is strong, fast and his hide is tough- Unlike yours."

I bowed my head, remaining silent.

"When are you thinking of kidnapping her, My Lord?"

"Tomorrow evening. I hear the moon wanes, and the Fire Demon's strength follows its example."

I blinked, and pulled out a small pocket book with the Human and Demon calendar in it; the dates overlapping so that it was easier to tell the times of certain events here. My eyes widened as I'd circled the date in brilliant red marker.

'_**Mating Season'**_

My Master released a sinister chuckle at my discovery; "Yes, he'll be far too focused on staying as far away from that girl as possible, so that he doesn't feel the pull of attraction. The fox will similarly be afflicted, so that only leaves the Half-breed and his human. It'll be easier to take her then."

I regarded my Master with suspicion, wondering where the _hell_ he was getting this information. Practically _everyone_ knew he was the Elders' puppet, and that he rarely, if ever, showed the initiative to think on his own. That was when I noticed the awkward way he was holding his left hand.

I sighed, and snagged his pale wrist, opening his now tightly curled fingers. I deadpanned at what I saw.

"…You were reading all of that stuff off of your hand, weren't you?" I accused dryly, and he flushed batting me away.

"I changed _some_ of it into my own words!" he responded indignantly.

"Oh yes, instead of saying; 'It will be easier to kidnap her then', you said; 'It'll be easier to _take_ her then'. Big improvement boss."

He hissed at me, and I sweatdropped. "Gomen nasai!"

Only slightly mollified, the Bat demon turned abruptly on his heel, and strode away from me quickly. "Make the appropriate arrangements, Baldric. We wouldn't want anything to happen to Turk, now would we?"

I nodded complacently, and strode off in the opposite direction. So much work to do and so little time, but I wouldn't trade it for Turk's job no sir.

_I'm_ just glad that I don't have to go.

* * *

**Spirit:** As promised, I have given you the Bad Guy's POV. Well, _Baldric's_ POV. I have had a request for a chapter or part of a chapter in Hiei and/or Kurama's POV. That'll happen in Chapter Ten. I know _this_ chapter was short, but there wasn't too much to say on their part. In Chapter Eleven, they will have a lot of screentime with Lydia.

I'd also like to thank those who reviewed the last chapter, and to apologise in advance if I don't churn out Chapter Ten within the next couple of days. Y'all know the drill, _constructive_ criticism is appreciated, and **complimentary** reviews even more so!


	10. Chapter 10

**Title:** Legally Sane 

**Pairings:** Hiei x Oc

**Rating:** M- For sexual content.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho, I do own my OC and the story

**

* * *

****Chapter Ten: Self Gratification**

**_-Hiei's POV-_**

_'Mating Season'_- How I loathed this time of year and what inevitably accompanied it. I am not one to over embellish things. I speak pure, undiluted fact. Every year without fail, whether I was in Makai or Ningenkai, I would be mobbed by literally _hundreds_ of female demons who deemed themselves worthy to be _my_ mate.

I can't help but scoff with mild amusement at the strange workings of these female's minds.

I must admit, I don't have it _nearly_ as bad as Kurama used to have it when he was a Yoko- His natural good looks and sex appeal had many a demoness practically swooning at his feet. Though _he_ has taken many to his bed, I have never known of him _actually_ placing his Mark upon any of these 'Lady Yoko' hopefuls.

Now that he is human, he is safe. How I hate him.

My ears prick at the sound of a door opening, the friction of wood against wood pulling me out of my thoughts momentarily. I glance up, then quickly cast my eyes elsewhere when I see the Onna, and her state of undress. How shameful, parading around in naught but a skimpy towel and flaunting that youthful skin of hers, as if there was no-one around to see.

She seems to have forgotten that I am _always_ here. Perhaps she doesn't believe me when I say that I wouldn't leave her immediate vicinity.

'_Foolish Ningen,'_ crosses my mind with mental affection, and I have to bite the inner swell of my cheek to stall other traitorous thoughts that I _know_ would ultimately follow should I allow them.

Her bedroom window is slightly ajar, and with the soft breeze slipping out through the crack, comes the scent of cinnamon and something flowery. My nose wrinkles at the pleasant scent, and I feel the familiar tightness in my pants- I stifle a growl of impatience and shift uncomfortably on my perch.

Now don't get me wrong, the demon females aren't the _only_ thing that makes this period the most unbearable. I can actually avoid them quite easily. No, it's the sudden shift in my chemical make-up which tries to induce me into partaking of these carnal acts- To immerse myself in the wicked pleasures I can see reflected in the lust-crazed eyes of members of the opposite sex. My body is in a constant state of semi-arousal, I feel almost feverish, and at times I find the simplest of cottons unbearable against my skin.

Luckily enough, my internal clock alerts me to this frustrating phase in my life at _least_ a week in advance, which gives me ample time to find myself a dark rock to crawl under for the duration, where I can keep my baser urges in check. Unfortunately for me, _this_ year due to this new mission of mine, I'd totally ignored my body's warning signals, and have _failed_ to get myself away in time.

As all demons know, Mating Season lasts _exactly_ five Ningen Days…I can't remember how long in demon time. It starts five lunar days _before_ the coming of the Red Moon, I don't need to describe that as it's rather self explanatory. That could possibly explain the sudden surge of hormones I'd received only the day before when I'd almost _ravished_ the Onna. The _first_ time, I'd just rather forget.

The light flickers off in my peripheral vision, and I cast a sideways glance into the Onna's room- Catching the half-hearted wave and the small yawn she tries to stifle. I raise an eyebrow and nod to her, and she smiles before slipping beneath her covers completely safe in the knowledge that nothing bad could possibly happen with me out here in my tree.

I know that tonight I would need to leave her, as tomorrow evening, the Red Moon will rise and I will have absolutely no control over my body's urges and wants. The thought shouldn't displease me as much as it does, and it irritates me that I feel this way. By all rights, I shouldn't even have the slightest problem with getting physically close with her- I'm _supposed_ to find Ningen's unattractive and loathsome creatures, far beneath my contempt. But when I think of the Onna…Those concepts don't ever spring to mind. And it's so frustrating, that I'm quite prepared to jab _myself_ in the Jagan in hopes of dissuading me from such thoughts.

'_You care for her, don't you?'_

I scowl as the fox's words from the other day stray unbidden into my mind. I shake my head vigorously.

"No, I don't," I can't help but mutter aloud. Perhaps if I say it enough, I might actually believe my own words.

'_Caring for a Ningen isn't as bad as you make out.'_

Oh yes, it most definitely is! What the hell did that damn fox know anyway? He'd been living with these Ningen's for _far_ too long, and now he'd lost his edge- Stupid human emotions. They were pathetic and they got in the way of clear, logical thought. He'd never be as good in battle as he used to be, and he knows it as well as I do.

But it doesn't bother him in the least.

Her soft breathing snags my attention, and I growl irritably- But I can't help the sudden softening around my eyes and mouth despite my mild pique. There she lies- Flat on her back with her sheets bunched around partially bare limbs, her hair tousled and framing her head like a dark halo. Those lips, that I have kissed on only a couple of occasions are slightly parted, and her cheeks are flushed with slumber…

And I feel the strange need to touch her, though I suppose it's not such a strange thing anymore.

I flit from the branch to her open window, and slip through the relatively small crack she's left for my entrance in the likely event that she was attacked. I land soundlessly on the plush carpeting, and at that moment, I wished I'd removed my boots. The brush of soft carpet on the soles of my feet held a tug of attraction, and I bit down on my lower lip to stem the urge. I prowl along the edge of her bed, pausing when I reached the bedside table- It impeded my path to the head.

I gaze down at her, unable to filter out the want that's obvious in my eyes, and I reach out a shaking hand. The first touch of my heated fingertips to the soft curve of her cheek has me starting in surprise. I hadn't even realised I was doing it in the first place, but now that I had done it…I couldn't help but do it again. So there I stood, tracing the delicate planes of her face in utter silence, marvelling at the smoothness of her skin against my own calloused digits- Even though I know the loudest of noises wouldn't snap her into the land of wakefulness.

My index finger trails to the tip of her chin, and then lower, gliding along the taut skin of her neck to come to a stop at the jutting edge of her collarbone. If I had her, _that_ was where I'd mark her. Subtlety is in my nature, and I'd never be as vulgar as to display my conquest on the paleness of her throat.

The sudden _thudding_ of my heart against my ribcage alerts me to the fact that I'd tarried longer than I should have, and I curse softly in disappointment.

'_Just a few more moments…'_

But I did not have such a luxury as time on my side.

My fangs elongated so that they slipped heedlessly over the ridge of my lower lip, and my Jagan pulsed almost _painfully_ beneath the bandana. I knew it would only get worse from here on in, and my only choice was to leave here as quickly as possible, before my inner demon, the one I'd kept locked up for so long, finally came out.

I bent at the waist, and placed a hesitant kiss on her forehead, and was mildly surprised when I didn't feel the disgust welling in the back of my throat. These emotions were puzzling, and I'd be sure to discuss them at length with the fox after the Red Moon had waned.

I slip just as quietly out as I had when I had entered, pausing only the barest of moments for one last glimpse of her face. Twenty-four hours was a _long_ time when one was in heat, and I just _hoped_ that the attraction I felt for this human would not override my sense of self in the last few hours before it was all over.

Releasing a confused sigh, I disappear into the darkness.

* * *

**_-Kurama's POV-_**

Well, this wasn't as bad as I thought it would have been. Perhaps it is because I was actually _human_ now, and those baser instincts of mine belonged to Yoko only.

I'd excused myself from my home a few hours earlier, giving the false explanation that I'd be staying at a friend's house for the better part of two days in order to prepare for a big Science Meet that we were competing in.

If you hadn't guessed already, there was _no_ friend and there certainly wasn't any Science Meet. I have become a rather accomplished liar, and this is probably my worst quality.

I am currently holed up in a cave I'd happened across a few months back after one of my more tiring missions- It was a good few hundred miles from the city, and I had a beautiful view of the ocean. Of course, I'm not as comfortable as I would've liked- Mainly because I'd enlisted the aid of Yusuke in helping me chain myself to the wall.

Now why would someone as mild mannered as me, need to be chained to a wall, you might ask?

As a _human_, I might be rather reserved and polite, but trust me…Yoko isn't as nice as I am. Actually, he is exactly my opposite. Ruled by his instincts when it came to this time of year, he'd usually jump the first thing that moved- Well as long as she (or sometimes 'he') was fairly attractive and partly skilled in the art of bedding, he wasn't too fussy.

As Minamino Suiichi, I have _never_ had a sexual encounter, unless you count the needless groping of my endless fan club. And I hoped to keep it that way until I found someone I wished to spend my life with. As you can tell, my priorities differ slightly from Yoko's. That is why I force myself to sweat it out, without even the company of my own _hand _to soothe my own frustrated flesh. He'd told me it would only make it even _more_ unbearable. Hence the chains.

My pants felt tighter than they had since this thing had started, and I couldn't help but glance down at the unmistakeable bulge there. My fingers _itched_ to give that special part of my anatomy a coaxing _squeeze,_ if only to assuage the throbbing there. I tilt my head back against the cool stone, and feel the bite of granite against my unprotected skin as I had opted to sit this out _without_ the use of the cloying material. The chains dig into my wrists as I try to stretch into a more comfortable position, and I can't help the purr of satisfaction that crawls up my throat at the pain that radiates from the abraded flesh. I think I might be a closet masochist.

What would mother think?

I laugh at the thought, and glance at the puddle of water that's steadily growing bigger at my feet. My eyes have dulled to a bronze colour, and my mane of red hair is peppered with white streaks. I run my tongue along the edge of my canines, and the metallic taste of blood almost sends me over the edge.

I really must concentrate on something less…Arousing.

'_**I wonder how little Hiei is doing…'**_Ah, Yoko makes his appearance. _'**Do you think he decided to stay with that enticing morsel I had a sniff of the other day?'**_

I roll my eyes at the husky voice in my mind, _'He's in denial, so I highly doubt it.'_

'_**Oh? He didn't seem like he was denying anything when I felt his katana at my throat,'**_came the purred response, and I couldn't help but wince- With pleasure mind, at the memory.

'_Alright, maybe not in denial. But he's terribly confused,'_ I allowed, resting my head against one of my upraised arms.

'_**I wouldn't mind bedding that little firecracker…'**_ Yoko commented darkly, and I knew he wasn't talking about Lydia.

'_I'm straight, Yoko,'_ I reminded him out of habit. He was always making comments like this to rile me.

'_**Yes, but I am Bi-sexual. You should be a tad more generous with me, and allow me more freedom.'**_

'_But this is my body,' _I argued lightly. This was old territory that has been covered many a time.

'_**Our body, love'**_ he corrected.

'_Yes, yes…'_ I dismissed, deciding to get back on subject. '_What _did_ Hiei talk to you about when you tried to hit on Lydia?'_ I was rather curious as I hadn't been paying _too_ much attention at the time.

Yoko seemed to shrug, though I could sense his amusement; **_'He told me that if I ever touched his 'Onna' again, he'd remove my means to a legacy. Quite the possessive one, isn't he?'_**

I sweatdropped, and crossed my legs instinctively, though the friction of a certain _sensitive _part of my body against thigh and jean had me biting back a yelp.

'_**Sensitive, are we?'**_he cooed in response. **_'Give me free reign, and I promise to bring you nothing but ecstasy. I'm pretty sure there are a few moves that even you didn't know was possible with just the use of your hand.'_**

The dark promise in his voice almost had me doing exactly as he asked, but I knew of his strength and sneakiness. He'd only take over and march my pliant body over to the nearest Ningen, or Demon whorehouse. I was not feeling all that inclined to receive unknown STD's- And I _know_ Yoko has had his fair share of those.

He mentally twitched when he realised I had caught onto his plan, and I chuckled.

'_I'm quite fine as I am,' _I replied good-naturedly, even though I was in utter agony.

'_**Suit yourself.'**_

Yoko sulked moodily, leaving me to dwell in my own silence, and I was slightly relieved to see that my transformation wasn't fully completed yet. I cast my thoughts to my closest friend, my brow furrowing only a tad.

"I wonder how Hiei is holding up…"

* * *

**_-Hiei's POV-_**

It was _blindingly_ hot. Despite being a fire demon who can summon the very fires of _Hell_ into my right arm, this, believe it or not, was _far_ hotter than _any_ of my Jao Ensatsu techniques.

This was increasingly more difficult than I had first imagined. Perhaps this had something to do with actually having considered someone worthy to bed, and my body was just acting in due course, as I could not remember a time that Mating Season had affected me so much.

I fell to my knees in the middle of the clearing I had specifically chosen a few weeks back, my bandaged arms clutching desperately at my middle as I tried to contain whatever it was that was threatening to break. It was most likely my control, and my conscious thought.

'_And this is supposed to last for twenty-four hours?'_

I growled pathetically, my fingers now tearing at the light blue tank I customarily wore when my black one was at the fox's house being cleaned. I glance down at my hands, an eyebrow raising at the sudden appearance of claws, and then I look at the fresh scratches that now littered my newly bared chest.

The breeze soothes the irritated flesh, and I close my eyes momentarily against the delight of it all, my heated skin soaking up the cool freshness of the air itself. But this is only a brief solution to my glaringly obvious problem.

My trousers have become so tight, that I'm only slightly worried that I would lose my lower extremities from lack of circulation. But as I undo the clasp that holds the leathery material together, pooling the offending garment around my knees and catching sight of my flushed sex…I know that it was a silly grievance.

'_Touch it…'_

The thought catches me off guard, and I stare incredulously at my lap, as if _it_ had been the one to communicate such a thrilling option to me.

'_You'd feel so much better if you did. It's not that hard…'_

I snort at 'its' choice of phrasing. Not that hard? Bullshit.

But the notion was rather appealing at the moment. To be perfectly honest, I have gone through _every_ Mating Season _without_ touching the place of my agony once. I'd always thought it too beneath me to give in to my sexual urges- If I couldn't find peace in a woman's body, why should I demean myself further by indulging myself?

'_Just a fingertip would do…You don't even have to press too firmly,'_ the voice niggled. Was that _my_ voice?

My eyes shifted to my right hand, the one that held the power of my Black Dragon. The claws looked slightly disturbing when the image of my hand caressing my quivering flesh came to mind. What if they caught on something important?

'_That's only part of the fun.'_

I flexed my fingers experimentally, then reached out the index. I paused hesitantly, my hand shaking only a tad, before I ran that digit down the entirety of my length, then back up again. My hips jerked upwards reflexively, and I looked on in wonder at my body's reaction to such a simple touch. I was intrigued…So I did it again.

'_Feels good, doesn't it?'_ I nod absently, continuing this feather light contact. _'It could feel so much better if you took it all into your hand.'_

I was unsure…But the voice had _such_ a seductive quality to it, and I wondered at that moment, why had I not heard it before?

Hesitantly my hand reached out again, and I enclosed my throbbing flesh lightly, afraid that I might damage something if I gripped it too firmly. I didn't want to lose anything vital. That seemed to appease it, as a tingling sensation shot up from it's base and up my spine. It wasn't anything too dramatic, but the feeling was pleasant enough.

'_It's not a piece of glass…'_ the voice reprimanded, _'Feel free to squeeze it. I promise it won't break.'_

I bit my lower lip in apprehension, my fingers tightening inch by inch until an incredible pressure caused my hips to buck upwards violently. A startled cry tore from my throat, and I almost yanked my hand away as if it had been scalded. Saying I was shocked would have been a terrible understatement.

'_See?'_

My head bobs unwillingly, and I repeat the action time and time again, almost rhythmically. The muscles in my thighs quiver with barely suppressed energy, and I place my free hand on one to cease its movement. The feelings this gesture invoked had the strangest of noises falling past my slightly parted lips, and I thought that this movement alone was the epitome of bliss.

I stood corrected however, when that voice began to coach me onto the next stage, my eyes widening somewhat at 'its' next suggestion.

Now that I had my member in a firm grip, I began to slowly slide my hand up, until I'd almost released it before sliding it back down at the same steady pace. My cheeks flushed, and my mouth became slack as pleasure radiated from my heated flesh. Of course this had only made it even _more_ painful- But as the voice had told me only a moment ago, it would all soon fade into nothingness.

I increased the pace, bandaged palm gliding swiftly up and down my aching hardness, the friction steady and the sensations nigh on overwhelming. My breathing became laboured, punctuated every now and then with a grunt or moan of intense ecstasy as I felt the sudden coil of heat deep within my belly.

'_Not much further to go, Hiei-kun,'_ it teased, and my eyes which had only been slightly open before, finally slid shut.

I fell onto my back, my legs having become inert, and I found that in this position, the pleasure was only further heightened. My hips thrust upwards unsteadily to meet my swiftly descending hand, the sound of flesh on cloth the most erotic thing I'd _ever_ heard. My free hand clawed at the inner flesh of my right thigh, and I hissed at the pain that quickly intermingled with the utter delight in my loins.

'_Almost…'_

My body stiffened in anticipation, my back arching at an almost painful angle as I waited for a breathless second. Then time seemed to speed up and a howl of completion burst from my lips, my head tipping back so far that I was positive I would snap my neck. My member shuddered in my hand, and released regularly timed spurts of semen, coating the lower portion of my stomach as well as the grass beneath me.

It took awhile for my body to completely relax; I rolled onto my side and curled myself into a shivering ball of sweat and exposed flesh. My breath continued to come out in irregular pants, and I slowly disengaged my hand from the now softened organ between my legs.

'_That wasn't so bad now, was it?'_ the voice questioned, and I shook my head numbly, still unable to gather my wits. I knew who that voice belonged to- But I'd never realised I'd harboured such knowledge. _'Hn. So you finally caught on then?'_

I grunted dismissively, and once I regained feeling in my limbs, I pulled my pants back on and fastened them at the waist. With a shaky sigh, I sat up and rested my back against the tree, my head in my hands.

'_Twenty-three hours and forty-five minutes to go.'_

"Hn."

This was going to be a long night.

* * *

**_-Third Person POV; Yusuke and Kuwabara-_**

"I can't believe the Shrimp dumped her on us!"

Yusuke twitched and glanced at his friend. "Yeah, well…Y'know this time of year is Hell for him and he'd have asked Kurama if he wasn't in the same boat."

Kuwabara subsided with a disgruntled sigh against the trunk of the old oak outside Lydia's bedroom window, his brown eyes taking on a contemplative glint.

"It's never affected him _too_ much in the past…" he began doubtfully.

"Do you even need to _think_ about his reasoning?" The brunette shot back, folding his arms behind his head.

At Kuwabara's slightly confused look, he inclined his head at the sleeping female.

"Oh…!"

Yusuke rolled his eyes, and glanced up at the sky.

Kuwabara fell silent again, and folded his arms across his chest, his brow creasing thoughtfully. He'd had a nagging feeling ever since Hiei had dropped by earlier in the evening about taking his shift for Guard Duty. The carrot-top couldn't pinpoint it, but something definitely wasn't right…But what was it?

'_I've been getting chills almost constantly since we've arrived, but nothing seems to be wrong with Lydia,'_ he mused, his eyes closing to help further his path of thought; _'Nothing's likely to happen tonight, is it? True, this would be the most convenient time to get her when Hiei ain't here…'_

"Yo, Urameshi…" the taller boy began.

A glint of steel out the corner of his eye caught his attention, and he opened his mouth in a silent yell as it descended at an unholy speed.

"Kuwabara watch it!"

Something dull caught him on the side of his head, and he threw his arms up to protect himself. Another sharp blow sent him plummeting from the branch, his body hitting the grassy verge with a dull _thud_. The sensation of something warm and wet trickling from the source of his pain, and the panicked yells from his companion was the last thing he knew before he fell into oblivion.

* * *

**Spirit:** ...Well, that's my first try at a sexual scene...Don't ask where it came from, it just...Appeared on my screen. But just to let you all know...That is the _only_ sexual scene in this story, there will be no more!

Also, I am drawing to the end of this story- I think there'll be...About four chapters including the epilogue. But don't worry! There _will_ be a sequel!

Next chapter we'll see exactly _what_ happened at the end of this one with Yusuke and Kuwabara, and Lydia's kidnapping.

Thanks to all those who reviewed my last chapter! I appreciate all those lovely things you wrote...But Baldric the Demon Sloth from the last chapter was awesome. Do not hate on the obviously Homo-Sloth Man. D

_Constructive_ criticism is welcome, and **complimentary** reviews are appreciated!


	11. Chapter 11

**Title: **Legally Sane

**Pairings:** HieixOc

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho. I do however, own my OCs and the story.**

* * *

****Chapter Eleven: Kidnapped!**

_I was running- From what wasn't entirely clear to me, but the feeling of fear was not what drove my legs to pump faster. No, it was something else…Something that caused me to laugh out loud, exhilarated. My bare feet barely touched the grassy undergrowth, it seemed as if I were gliding a few inches from the ground, the dress that I don't remember ever owning fluttering with each step around my equally bare legs._

_A myriad amount of trees passed me by in a blur, and I got the vague impression that I was sprinting through a forest- One that was almost pitch black, with various plant life I couldn't place. Was I still in Japan? _

_Behind me, the light footsteps of another caught my attention, and I couldn't help the smile that curved my lips. Glancing over my shoulder, I glimpsed a haze of black and red, the sight spurring me on at a pace I wouldn't normally have adopted._

_I managed to clear the 'forest', entering an equally dim glade. Above, the stars hung indiscriminately in the sky, the moon a sliver of red far to the right, and below a sea of emerald reached up to knees. I paused to admire the beauty of the scenery, not having the pleasure of seeing it on a day to day basis, my eyes wide and my mind completely focused on my surroundings, momentarily forgetting my pursuer. That was a slight error on my part._

_Strong arms caught me about the waist a few moments later, the weight of the other practically tackling me to the floor. I gasped, and was immediately flipped onto my back, my questionable eyes caught up in the bottomless crimson of his._

"_Onna…" he growled, and I felt a shiver of anticipation crawl up my spine._

_My head cocked to the side, and I allowed myself the pleasure of giving him the once over. Shirtless, glistening muscles rippling with barely concealed strength and power- Partially unbuttoned trousers, smooth flesh disappearing and giving way to…My eyebrows arched in surprise, and I shot him a perverted grin. Commando, eh? _

_He smirked, and grasped my wrists in one hand, pinning them to the dirt above my head. I squirmed in this vaguely familiar position, though he threw a leg over my thighs to keep me still. I pouted at the sudden restriction of my movements, and I peered up at him from beneath my lashes._

"_Hiei…" I murmured, the word trailing off into a blissful sigh as he buried his face in my neck._

_Teeth nipped lightly at my collarbone, a flick of a rough tongue soothing the blossoming marks on my otherwise pale skin. My breath came out in soft pants, and I tried to arch my body beneath his. My clothed chest rubbed up against his own bare one, and I felt the tingling sensation of my nipples hardening beneath the thin fabric._

_He grunted, raising his slightly flushed face from its position against my shoulder, his eyes unfocused, and his hair ruffled. He stared at me a moment, and I guess it must've been something I'd done, as his expression changed from confused boy, to predatory in 0.5 seconds. His mouth descended upon mine, gently caressing, and getting rougher by the second. His canines gnawed delicately at my lower lip followed by his tongue pressing for entrance. My mouth opened, granting him access and the kiss deepened._

_I was so preoccupied with what his mouth was doing, that I hadn't been paying attention to his hands- The only warning that I got that he'd been doing anything besides kissing me, was when I felt my entire body bathed in a cool breeze. He pulled slowly inch by inch, until he was in a position to admire his handiwork, propping himself up on an elbow. I was left feeling mildly dazed, but soon snapped back to my senses. My arms tugged out of his slack grasp and came down to shield my bared body from his hungry gaze, my entire being flushing with virginal embarrassment._

_Hiei shook his head, a bandaged hand prying my arms away from myself, murmuring a few encouraging words that I never thought I'd hear this sullen demon utter, though I felt myself melting into a compliant ball of heated female- Completely relaxed. This seemed to please him, as he too shirked his remaining clothes, tossing them into the pile my dress and underwear had made previously._

_I didn't have the nerve to peer at whatever lay below his waist, despite the heat and desire coursing through my veins. It hadn't taken much for me to get into this state of need, and his taut flesh sliding across my own softer skin sent my senses into overload. I bit my lower lip in apprehension, wrapping my arms loosely around his neck, my legs parting as his thigh grazed upwards between them._

_I knew what was going to happen, and I must say I was slightly nervous._

_Hiei picked up on my uncertainty, and he placed a tender hand against my cheek, his eyes boring into mine as he settled himself comfortably between my thighs._

"_Onna…"_

_My lids fell to half mast, my body forcing itself to relax…His hips drew back a bit in preparation…_

_**Ggggggrrrrwwwwlllll!!!**_

_We froze, his face a mixture of confusion and disbelief, and mine burning with mortification._

_The scenery began to fade into nothingness, the mood broken and beyond repair. I looked up at Hiei, and a smirk of amusement curved his lips- But he too disappeared after a few moments, leaving an echoing chuckle in his wake…_

I woke up with a jolt, the sheets tangled around my legs, and my body covered in a fine sheen of sweat. I blinked blearily at the ceiling, my hands clapping to my cheeks that were still red from shame. What on _earth_ was that?!

My stomach gurgled again, and I propped myself up on my elbows to glare at the offending part of my body.

"Couldn't you have _waited_ until _after_ to do that?!" I yelled in frustration.

The response was the same, only coupled with a few painful muscle spasms- Time to eat. I groaned in defeat, and quickly disentangled myself from the bedclothes. Swinging my legs over the side of my bed, I glanced over my shoulder at the oak outside my window out of habit, and found it was surprisingly empty.

'_Guess Hiei decided to pop out for a bit. No doubt he left Tweedle-Dum and Tweedle-Dee behind for guard duty,'_ I thought, as I padded over to my bedroom door.

I opened the door, and made my way to the kitchen, making sure to remain as quiet as possible- Due to recent night terrors, courtesy of Mister-Three-Eyes, Keisuke had become a rather light sleeper, and should he catch me prowling the corridors, he'd more than likely try to attach himself to my hip. He'd done it once before, and I barely managed to hang onto my sanity.

I stifled a yawn as I entered the kitchen, making an immediate beeline to the fridge. My hand grasped the handle and I pulled the door open, revelling in the cool air that blasted out at me from its chilled depths.

"Hmn…Now should I make myself a sandwich…Or should I go for the Petit Filous yoghurt?" I mused, bending at the waist to get a better look at my fridges contents.

The sudden _crash_ of glass splintering, had me jumping about a foot in the air, my head colliding with the roof of the fridge preventing me from ramming into the flying object that whizzed above me- Landing with a dull _thud_ on the dining table.

"Fuck!" I snarled, rubbing incessantly at the steadily growing lump on my crown, my eyes watering with pain.

Wait…Hadn't something _flown_ into the room?

Blinking owlishly, I spun around to face the crumpled form of what _used_ to be Yusuke. He lay facedown atop the table, his arms and legs dangling over the edge. I strode over to where the boy was, a hesitant finger poking awkwardly at his side to determine if he was still in the land of the living.

"Oi, are you alive?" I queried, my head cocking to the side to get a glimpse of his face. I poked a few extra times when I didn't get a response, and was finally rewarded with a pained and mildly irritated groan. This was kinda amusing.

"Urameshi! Kyaaaa!!!"

The indignant squall of the infamous carrot-top interrupted my 'fun time', heralding his entry into my kitchen via the broken window.

"Fire in the hole!" I yelled, my eyes widening as I ducked down quickly. The meaty form of the other zoomed overhead to land with an earth-shaking crash against the opposite wall.

I remained where I was, kneeling on the worn linoleum with my arms thrown up over my head to protect myself from more flying projectiles. What the hell _was_ this? My gaze snapped to my fallen comrades, watching them silently as they managed to stagger to their feet.

"Uh…Care to tell me what's going on?" I asked calmly, eyeing the two from my place on the floor.

They both looked at each other, and then at me- My appearance in the kitchen suddenly registering in their minds. I found myself hauled to my feet, my arm in the unyielding grip of the brunette, his face mere millimetres from my own.

"Lydia, we have a situation. Get your ass to your room, and don't come out until we say it's okay," he said, thrusting me at the other boy. "Kuwabara, follow her and keep guard outside her door, alright? I'll deal with the intruders."

Kuwabara nodded, and quickly shepherded me out of the room and towards the stairs. I tried to resist his gentle pushing, managing to pause at the base of the steps to send him a quelling glare.

"What the hell is going on? And _what_ intruders?"

Kuwabara smiled, and gave me the thumbs up. "Just a couple'a idiots who think they can snatch you from under our noses. Don't worry though, their spectral powers are pathetically low. Urameshi can handle them."

The aforementioned boy hurtled out of the room and hit the wall opposite the kitchen entryway. Yusuke fell to his knees clutching his knees, coughing up blood.

…Oh yes, that made me feel _so_ much better. I shot the carrot-top an unimpressed look, and he frowned at his comrade.

"_Urameshi can handle it_- Can he?" I echoed with an eyebrow raised, though I'd gone a tad green around the gills. Blood nauseates me.

"Well it _is_ two against one!" Kuwabara protested.

"So what're you doing here? Go help him!"

I felt slight pity for the boy, as he was seemingly torn between staying by my side, and rushing to Yusuke in an effort to back the Spirit Detective up. I gave him a non too gentle shove, and he catapulted forward as one of the assailants strode out of the kitchen to finish the brunette off.

"Rei-ken!" he bellowed, a strange bolt of electrically charged light appearing in his meaty hands.

Kuwabara jumped into the fray, knocking the almost feminine frame of the demon halfway down the hall with a blow from his energy sword.

"Yeah, you get him Kuwabara!" I cheered from my position by the stairs, safely out of the way, but still close enough to provide support.

Yusuke lurched to his feet, wiping at the crimson smudges around his mouth, and smirked.

"You call that a _punch_? My grandma beats me worse than that!" he taunted an as yet unseen opponent. "C'mon ya damn sissy! Give me a run for my money, or I'll get bored!"

I wondered if this trash talk was necessary, when I caught sight of Yusuke's adversary. The guy was built like a brick outhouse, his frame muscular to the point where it looked ridiculous, his body covered in thick bristly fur. His head looked like it belonged to a scary ass pig, and he had huge tusks protruding from his fleshy lips.

He swaggered out, his hoof-like hands on his hips and a malicious glint in his eye. "I'm going to grind you into the ground, ya damn brat!"

The fist fight that ensued went by in a flurry of movement- I barely saw the lights ricocheting off of one another- White against red. The next thing I knew, something hard slammed into my midsection, and I went hurtling into the stair rails behind me.

"Ouch!" I wheezed, sliding to the floor with a _very_ unconscious detective practically in my lap.

The pig demon thing snorted once, giving me an appraising once over, before he turned in Kuwabara's direction.

Oh my God…He wasn't thinking of ganging up on him, was he?! I had to do something!

Grunting with the effort, I pushed Yusuke's dead weight off of my legs, effectively freeing myself. I pushed myself to my feet and managed to stumble over to the hallway closet where we kept Keisuke's Little League gear. Yanking the door open, my eyes scanned the contents of the dingy space for anything that vaguely resembled a weapon- Soon enough, my gaze alighted on his metallic baseball bat, and I quickly lunged for it.

When I checked on Kuwabara's status, I squeaked when I realised that the pig man had silently come up behind the obnoxious boy. Oh crap!

I made a mad dash down the hall, that baseball bat of mine raised high, my battle cry causing my prey to turn around in what seemed to be slow motion. I leapt up into the air, my body practically floating at an incredibly fast pace- My arms came down in a slashing motion, and the metal pole slammed into the demon's head.

The bat bent with the force, the metallic screeching grating harshly on my ears. I landed just behind him on my knees, and I quickly hazarded a glance over my shoulder.

He remained where he was, practically rooted to the spot, and apparently stunned. I jumped to my feet triumphantly, brandishing my bent bat around like a sword.

"Hah! Take _that_ ya walking pork chop!" I yelled, then proceeded to do my funky victory dance.

So engrossed was I in my butt shaking, that I forgot that there were actually _two_ antagonists rather than the one.

"Cha! I'm just _that_ badass!"

Kuwabara's shout snagged my attention, and I paused mid-pirouette.

"Lydia! Get out of the way!"

I frowned slightly, and peeked over my shoulder. Something crashed into my temple, and I reeled forward a few steps, before falling in a graceless heap on the floor.

The last thing I heard was Kuwabara's pained yelp, before I allowed the darkness to claim me.

* * *

**Spirit:** Sorry for the long wait! I know I said that the sexual scene in the _last_ chapter would be the only one...But c'mon, Lydia is a hormonal teenager, and with the various 'make-out' sessions with Hiei, it was inevitable that she'd have a kinky dream about him. This chapter was a bit...Short, but I promise the next one will be longer with many POVs...But maybe I'll skip Baldric's... Thanks to all who reviewed the last chapter!!! Everyone knows the drill! _Constructive_ criticism is welcomed, and **complimentary** reviews even more so!

* * *

**Character Profile:**

**Name:** Lydia Takeshima

**Age:** 16

**Hair:** Black, shoulder length and straight.

**Eyes:** Questionable- But I'd say they were grey.

I think that's all you really need to know...


	12. Chapter 12

**Title:** Legally Sane

**Pairings: **HieixOC

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho. I do own this story and my OC's.

* * *

**Chapter Twelve: This Can't Be Good.**

**_-Hiei's POV-_**

"Where's the onna?"

Those were the first words to slip past my lips after I'd taken in the pathetic state of the Detective and his oaf-like lackey. The two looked as if they'd been hit by a semi, and it was any wonder that they were able to stand upright in front of me.

I had just this moment returned after twenty four hours of pure unending torture, otherwise known as the 'Mating Season Bug' to find the Onna's house in a state of disrepair and a few of the Spirit Realm Defence Force stationed outside tending to my fallen comrades.

Irritation sparked in my veins when Yusuke and Kuwabara refused to meet my eyes, and remained uncharacteristically quiet. The feeling of unease I'd been harbouring since I'd left my solitary confinement grew tenfold.

"I will not repeat myself Detective."

The brunette fixed a weary eye upon me then, and I was quite surprised to find moisture glistening in those brown eyes of his- Guilt warring with regret. What was going on here?

"Hiei…You trusted us to keep an eye on Lydia for you…" he began, his tone defeated. "But, these guys were something else. I don't know who they are aside from some names that were bandied about…"

This long winded account was grating on my already frayed nerves, and I couldn't help but snag the boy by the front of his green jacket, my fingers creating mild burns in the fabric. I brought his face up, close to mine, and snarled.

"Where _is _she?"

Yusuke stammered something like; "I don't know…" and I saw red.

Luckily enough for him though, a soothing hand settled itself comfortably on my shoulder, and I raised my heated glare to stare into a pair of golden eyes.

"Yoko…" I spat irritably, giving the silver haired Yokai the once over.

"Sparky," came the cheeky response in a deep baritone, a mock salute offered. "I don't think the ningen can survive with the amount of oxygen you're allowing him."

I blinked, and glanced at the Detective, releasing him with a muttered curse once I caught sight of his blue lips and swirled eyes. Of course I wouldn't lower myself to apologise to the one who had allowed my onna to be kidnapped.

**_'Your onna…?' _**

_'Quiet fox!' _I snapped mentally, shooting him a glare, only to be on the receiving end of one of his reproachful looks.

I really didn't need his niggling voice in my head at this moment.

A flash of blue and pink caught my attention, and soon enough, the Ferry Girl had appeared at my side, breathless and pink cheeked.

I sent her a withering glare. "Your visit better not be social."

Botan blinked, and brushed a few minute specks of dust from the sleeve of her kimono. "…I have news on Lydia's whereabouts!" she finally said, quivering slightly from the famous glare of doom.

Yoko tsked at me, and slung a companionable arm around the deity's waist, his chin resting lightly on her shoulder. "Is that so?" he fairly purred into her ear, and I couldn't help the shudder of revulsion that snaked its way up my spine.

Botan flushed an indescribable shade of red and I could smell the attraction she felt for the demon rolling off of her in waves. It nauseated me. My onna never gave off such an obnoxious scent, despite her desire for me.

The thought brought me back to the task at hand, and I forced my way between the two, jerking the kitsune roughly by the front of his white tunic.

"This isn't the time," I growled warningly; "Save your bedtime activities for later."

He merely sighed, and stepped back with his arms folded across that pale chest of his. I averted my eyes, and he chuckled in a knowing manner.

I schooled my face into a bland expression, taking up my post in the darkest corner in the kitchen, mimicking Yoko's posture.

"I'm waiting."

"R-right!" the bluenette squeaked, pulling out a small black book from within a voluminous sleeve. "Koenma-sama has pinpointed Lydia's location…Though the area is reputed for strong demonic energies, he believes you shouldn't have too much trouble infiltrating their hideout…" she trailed off with a slight shrug, awaiting our decision on how to proceed.

"How much do we know about our opponents?"

Ah! That would be Kurama's voice, and sure enough, when I'd turned around, there he was standing there looking more than a little bit ruffled. Perhaps he had to put up a fight to regain his body.

"Well the two who nabbed Lydia were no more'n B-Class…One was a boar demon and the other was…Well, I'm not sure, but it was fast!" Kuwabara groaned from his position on the floor.

"The 'it' was a girl, baka…" Yusuke interjected, bopping the aforementioned teen on the head.

I smirked at this, but it quickly flickered away. "If they were merely B-Class, why could you not defeat them? It couldn't have been that hard, could it?"

I voiced the thoughts currently swimming in my mind, and I couldn't hide the ire in my tone. Damnit. The Detective visibly wilted at this, and so did the oaf, yet this didn't bring me the sort of satisfaction I was used to.

Grunting, I turned away, and listened with only half an ear to the plan that was currently being laid out. I didn't need to know all the details; for when I got there I'd be playing it by ear anyway. I wasn't a team player, and I would get the onna back with or without their help.

_'Onna…'_

* * *

**_-Lydia's POV-_**

The first thought that ran rampant through my mildly concussed mind was that the earlier blow to my head had temporarily blinded me. I came to this conclusion after five minutes of trying to eyeball my surroundings, only to be greeted with a vast and unending inky void.

Now, being the mature person that I am- I'll tell you now that I did not panic.

"I'M BLIND!"

…Alright I lied. I screamed bloody murder, wriggling like a damn worm on the end of a fisherman's hook and I'm pretty sure I deafened those unfortunate souls who happened to be standing within hearing range. And that is when I noticed something _else_ that set me on edge.

I couldn't move, either.

"…I'M PARALYZED!"

Cue the hysterical screaming. This pretty much lasted for another good five minutes, until someone put a hand over my mouth, effectively stifling my wails of discontent.

"For the love of _Enma_ will you cease that pathetic shrieking?!" was hissed into my ear, and I flinched from the loudness of it all…To be honest it was most likely stated in a whisper, but seeing as my sight had been stolen, it seemed to heighten my hearing.

"Mmph! Mmph, mmph mmmmmph!" I retorted, narrowing my eyes.

An exasperated sigh escaped my capturer's lips, and with a rough tug, the thing that had been obstructing my view was removed. I recoiled as the sudden glare of unnatural light assaulted my retina, my eyes squinting until they were merely snake like slits. Though my sight was miraculously restored, the hand remained at my mouth, and I was finding it more than slightly uncomfortable.

My eyes opened fully after a few moments of spasms, and I cast a sideways glare at my self-appointed warden. It was…That strange man from the night before. No _not _the guy who looked like a Humanized version of Pumbaa from the Lion King. It was the speedy one who had tackled Kuwabara. My gaze bored holes in the back of his head, willing him to look at my face. It worked.

_'Could you kindly remove your hand from my mouth?'_- That was the message I was trying to convey with my eyes alone, an eyebrow arching quizzically.

He merely returned my look balefully, and didn't remove his hand.

My eye twitched.

_'Alright, if you don't remove your hand, I can't guarantee you'll get it back.'_- I glared with barely concealed irritation. Maybe he'll understand that.

His eyes widened, and he scoffed. **Scoffed **I tell you! So I did what any normal person would do when being gagged for no real reason.

I bit him. Hard.

"Fuck!" he howled, his hand dropping from my mouth as if it had been scalded. Unfortunately for him, I hadn't relinquished my grip on it, so I ended up with some of the flesh from his palm hanging between my teeth…

"Oh gross!" I immediately spat it out, my intense grimace of distaste followed by a comical display of me trying to cleanse my tongue by scraping off my taste buds with my teeth.

"What the hell did you do that for, wench?" he snarled, his voice high pitched and…Dare I think it? _Feminine_…?

I frowned, and gave him an appraising once over. Shoulder length green hair…Purple eyes…Chiselled countenance…Stocky frame…He looked male. But I've been known to be wrong in the past. My cheeks flushed at the humiliating memory that surfaced- One where I'd thought Kurama was female. Boy was I wrong!

I snickered lightly as the demon continued to spew a multitude of curses, some of which were in Japanese, the rest in a garbled language I couldn't quite understand.

"I did warn you," I felt compelled to point out, albeit smugly. "Though, when _was_ the last time you washed your hand? It tasted like mouldy rice and burnt cabbages."

He paused in his ramblings to sniff disdainfully, drawing himself up to his full height. "If you must know…This fragrance is very expensive in the Makai. It's called **Foot Rot**. It's all the rage among the demonesses."

Eh?

"…But you're a _guy_." I deadpanned. Maybe he was a cross-dresser? A glance at his attire disabused me of the notion…What woman would dare prance about in purple latex trousers and a garish orange wife beater? …Were those _flip-flops _on his feet?

His eyes narrowed, and he flipped his shoulder-length hair…Over his shoulder, though it swung back to its original place. "I'm _female_," he retorted tightly after a moment of composed silence. "Can't you tell?"

I made a good show of thinking about it, cocking my head to the side whilst each eyebrow rose and fell at alternate times. If my hands were free, I'd probably complete the look of intense observation with a finger tapping lightly against my chin.

"Hmn…" I murmured thoughtfully, "…No, I'm afraid I can't. You look like a knuckle-dragging caveman. All you're missing is the grizzly beard."

He seemed stunned. Did he really find it that impossible that I couldn't tell that he was female?

Soon enough I found an enraged shemale in my face and his clawed hands around my neck. I choked reflexively.

"W-why you little…!" he spluttered

I squirmed in his grasp, my head tossing from side to side, making a mess out of my already mussed hair. My oxygen supply was rapidly decreasing, and the pressure on my throat only increased until I felt his extra sharp nails digging into the taut flesh there, drawing blood if the sticky liquid oozing down my skin was anything to go by.

"S-s-…top…" I managed to choke out.

"Humperdink."

The name was uttered quietly, but the tone sent shivers down my spine, and I felt myself break out in a cold sweat. _Uh-Oh… _

The green-haired fashion disaster blanched from his already grey tone to a sickly white; his hands trembling at my throat.

"Release her."

Humperdink released me without a second thought, immediately scooting back a few feet to show whoever it was that he wasn't likely to touch me again in the near future.

The ominous footfalls announced that the one person I probably _didn't_ want to see was drawing closer. They were light, unhurried and from the sounds of it, he had an awkward limp. I twitched, and tried to wriggle out of my bonds, which, upon closer inspection…Looked like spider threads…

Okay, take a _deep _breath. Wasn't there a time that I had considered spiders as a crucial part of my diet?

…But then again, that spider was about the size of my palm- Whatever had made this…stuff…Has got to be the size of a freaking elephant! I whimpered pathetically at the observation.

A shadow loomed over me…What is it with people and their 'looming shadows'?! Do people like to point out the fact that I'm seriously short on a continual basis?! I bristled, but remained uncharacteristically silent. I'm not stupid- I know when I should keep my mouth shut, and now seemed to be a perfectly good time to practice.

The figure squatted, a pale hand reaching out to snag my chin in its icy grip, jerking my face this way and that, before staring into my eyes.

"So you are the one who will be leading our brothers out of darkness?" he murmured, more to himself than to me. "…Such a homely countenance." He added after a moment of silence, slight regret in his voice.

I scowled at that, and made a quick snap at his fingers with my teeth. The cheek of it all! How dare he kidnap me, and then disparage my…Less than adequate looks! I had enough of that from my relatives every Christmas and Easter- I didn't need to take this from a complete stranger.

"I'm so very _sorry_ to disappoint," I retorted dryly, mentally cursing myself for breaking my silence pact. Oh well, now that I'd started I didn't see the point in stopping there.

He smiled vapidly at me, a wicked looking fang curling over his bottom lip, and I had the unsettling feeling that all was not right behind those golden eyes of his.

"Well, you're not here for decoration. We just need your blood at the ceremony."

He shrugged his thin shoulders and made to rise.

"Baldric?" A short blue demon with a snout appeared at the male's side. "Make the necessary preparations- The Red Moon is waning, and soon enough that little fire apparition of hers will be barking at the gates. We wouldn't want him to ruin the plans."

"Yes, boss…" came the nasal reply, and he watched the taller man stride off with graceful steps- despite his apparent limp, before turning to me.

I gulped, a nervous smile gracing my lips.

"Uh…Hi?"

* * *

**_-Kurama's POV-_**

He was tenser than usual.

I barely restrained the sigh that sprung to my lips, my gaze barely able to catch the apparition's movements as he flittered ahead faster than Kuwabara could blink. I had opted to give chase at a more leisurely pace, reserving my demon speed and strength for the battle to come. Despite Botan's assurances that the antagonists were only B-class and below, I felt it best to be safe than sorry.

"What's got Shrimpy's pants in a bunch?"

Kuwabara's voice broke the strained silence between the three of us, and from the sudden aura of irritation that enveloped Hiei…I could tell he was holding himself back from beating the guy for his stupidity. Yusuke had no such reservations however, and I released a short bark of laughter as the taller man jerked forward a few steps, his eye swelling at an impossible rate.

"Can it, dumbass! Short stop is ticked off enough as it is, without you opening that giant hole in your face!" Yusuke reprimanded roughly, never breaking his hurried stride.

"Urameshi!" he shrieked, stumbling to a stop with his hands on his hips. "We're takin this outside!"

"We _are _outside, baka!" the brunette yelled over his shoulder, leaving the other choking on his dust.

"This is not the time for arguments," I added warningly.

Kuwabara puffed his chest out for a moment, and then reluctantly caught up with us.

'_**It seems the Firefly is out of sorts…'**_

I rolled my eyes, speeding up a tad so that I was sprinting a few feet ahead of the troublesome twosome.

'_You do realise that he would gut me for that comment if he were listening in…?'_ I retorted with a shake of my head. _'But you're right. He's been fighting against his instinct, and the Red Moon hasn't waned fully yet- He's still feeling the effects of it.'_

A snort echoed in the back of my mind. **_'And what of us, my dear Suiichi? Are we not feeling it too?'_**

'_Yes, but we don't have anything to focus it on. Our instincts haven't picked anyone out for us this year…Or the last…Or the year before that. We don't feel the pressures that he does.'_

I felt a swift breeze pass overhead, and glanced above to see the tails of Botan's kimono sleeves flutter in the wind as she sped past to fly aside Hiei. Yoko chuckled darkly in the back of my mind, and I realised that I was staring at a place I shouldn't have been. I flushed and snapped my eyes to the grassy undergrowth beneath my feet.

'_**That Ferry Onna has…Some nice attributes,'**_ Yoko commented, humour tainting his words.

Damn, I could feel my irritating other half's smirk.

'_Put your eyes back in your head. Botan is off limits!'_ I snapped back. _'We have a mission to think about, not how…Nice her attributes are!'_

'_**Ah, but you do agree that she has nice attributes…'**_ he murmured slyly, and I groaned in frustration at being caught out like that. **_'Poor Suiichi…So innocent.'_**

'_Oh be silent.'_

He did as he was told, and I could feel the pout taking over my mouth. It seemed he'd gained slight control during our exchange- I shouldn't let him annoy me so much.

"Kurama!"

I blinked, and cast my eyes to the rest of the Reikai Tantei plus its assistant. When did they get ahead of me…? It was then that I realised I'd actually stopped to converse with myself at some point, and I sweatdropped.

"Sorry!" I called out, sprinting to their side at a speed that could easily rival Hiei's.

The aforementioned demon scowled at me, and I saw that he was being kept in place by Yusuke's hand at the scruff of his neck- And he was looking at _me_ like that because I was holding them up.

'_I'm sorry Hiei, I got lost in thought and lost track,'_ I murmured in his mind.

For a few moments, I thought he was sulking.

'_**Hn.'**_

I took that as his way of forgiving me, and I nodded solemnly at him.

"The gates to the mansion are just beyond the line of trees…" Botan fairly whispered, afraid that someone was listening in. "I'm not quite sure how you want to do this but…"

A hysterical scream rent the air, interrupting the worried Ferry Girl- And it was loud enough to wake the dead.

Hiei's eyes widened, then narrowed in fury, and before I could get a word out…He disappeared.

"Hiei! Don't be rash!" I called out into the wind, but I'm sure he was too far away to hear me right now.

Yusuke glanced from me, to Kuwabara and back again. "Well? What are we waiting for! Lydia needs us, and whether he'd admit to it or not, Shorty needs us as well!"

I nodded, and the three of us sped off into the dark, leaving Botan by herself.

* * *

**Spirit:**First off I'd like to thank those wonderful people who reviewed my chapters D I love you all. Seriously! Secondly, Legally Sane is drawing to a close. Two chapters left, _including_ the epilogue. Hopefully this chapter was long enough to sate your appetites, and I promise to try and get the next one up before the end of the weekend. I'm going to make the last two chapters _hideously_ long, so that the story can be wrapped up nicely.


	13. Chapter 13

**Title: **Legally Sane

**Pairings: **HieixOC

**Disclaimer: **Yu Yu Hakusho, I own not.

**Shout Out:** I'm sorry I didn't do this in the previous chapter...But the line 'The humanised version of Pumbaa' was inspired by the one and only **Black Wolf Jaganshi Lover**! Kudos to you my regular reviewer!

**

* * *

Chapter Thirteen: Good News! God is Real. The Bad News Is...He Hates You.**

After my meeting with the 'Mastermind' of my kidnap, the blue creature that had been summoned had pulled a small knife from his boot, and began to cut the threads that bound me. Once free, I immediately scooted back, my arms covering as much of my exposed body as was humanly possible. Remember, I was removed from my house in the middle of the night and I wear rather skimpy pyjamas to bed in the summer…So you can imagine my _slight _mortification.

Baldric stepped back a bit, seemingly admiring his handiwork with his hands on his hips…But I knew better- And I threw the first available object (a pitifully small rock) at him when his gaze dropped lower than was necessary.

"Quit staring at me, ya damn pervert!" I snapped, eyeballing the underling with barely concealed ire.

He merely rolled his eyes at me, and sauntered off, his faded green robes swishing in a feminine manner…_Damnit_! Haven't I learned my lesson yet? If I wasn't careful, I'd start pondering his true gender, and then I'd get myself into deep shit. I winced inwardly at my previous altercation with a truly masculine looking woman- And despite his size, and harmless demeanour, he could easily be as strong and as fast as Hiei.

He returned a few moments later, a scrap of white cradled carefully in his outstretched arms. When he halted a little ways away from me, I arched a quizzical eyebrow at him, expecting an explanation.

"You are to wear this for the ceremony;" he stated monotonously, "And it is to be held within the next couple of hours."

I blanched.

Hold up! Did he say I was supposed to wear _that_?! I stared at him, hoping against hope that this was just a sick joke on his part, and those fleshy lips of his would turn up in a 'Ha-I-Gotcha!' grin that I was pretty much familiar with thanks to my younger brother.

I received nothing of the sort. In fact, he did entirely the opposite. His bushy eyebrows lowered, his forehead creasing with mild irritation. Was that an impatient breath he just took?!

I schooled my expression from one of incredulity, to an expressionless mask.

"…There is no _way_ in the Three Worlds that I'm gonna wear _that_…" I paused, gesticulating wildly at the outfit laid out before me; "…_That_…Wait, what exactly _is_ it? I can't tell."

Baldric remained where he was, slight pink tingeing his cheeks creating an almost violet tint due to the colour of his skin.

"The Boss said that we needed to make you look a _tad_ more appetizing to keep the Elders' attention," he replied after a tense moment. "And it's a dress."

"That is **not** a dress!" I retorted hotly. "It's…It's…A scrap of cloth! How do you expect that to cover me modestly?! I'll be lucky if it covers my chest, let alone my entire body!"

He sighed, shaking his head slowly from side to side. "The Boss said you might not agree…" he muttered sourly, turning to place the 'dress' on a conveniently placed chair. "And he said, in which case, I was to dress you myself if you did not do it yourself."

My eyes widened significantly, my hands lifting up to ward him off.

"Oh no you don't…!" I began, rising to my feet. "You stay the _hell_ away from me!"

Baldric eyed me, supposedly trying to determine whether or not I'd prove a challenge for him- Was I fast? Did the Yokai blood mixed in with mine give me any special abilities? Each thought passed through those glassy pink eyes of his, and I was suddenly reminded of Kurama's less than polite other half- That calculating glint was rather disheartening.

The silence stretched, the atmosphere heavy with uncertainty; each of us waiting for the other to make the first move; But I'd be damned if I was going to be the one to start it off- If he didn't come for me, then there would be no need for me to waste energy escaping.

He surprised me though, when he suddenly called out; "Turk!"

I frowned, my body as tense as a bowstring. Turk? Wasn't that the porker I'd assaulted with the aluminium baseball bat at my house? My eye twitched, and whatever colour I had regained from the shock of seeing the 'dress', I immediately lost.

**Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud.**

The floor shook, and plaster started to fall from the ceiling, peppering my dark hair with rust coloured particles. I hazarded a glance at the entryway to my cell, and gasped. There, framed in the awning was the Pig Man who had abducted me.

"What izzit, ya snivellin excuse for a demon?" he snarled, taking the steps necessary to fully enter the room.

Baldric shook a little, though his voice was steady. "She refuses to don the dress, the Master wants her to wear."

"…Yeah, and?"

Baldric's eye twitched. "_Your_ job is to keep her in line." When he was met with a blank look, he finally snapped; "Well? Get on with it, and subdue her! I don't care _how_ you do it, just make sure she's docile enough for me to slip her into the garment!"

Turk's lips curled into a sinister grin, his tusks straining the corners until all his teeth were bared, each one dripping with black slime- I assumed it was saliva, and I mentally recoiled from the sight, averting my eyes for a fraction of a second.

"So, yer sayin I can do whatever I likes to reign her in?" he inquired, advancing on me with a glint in his eye.

"Basically- Just please refrain from marring her; A little mauling wouldn't hurt I suppose, as long as the flesh will be hidden beneath the cloth."

Turk nodded, and I stiffened in preparation, my eyes never wavering from his, despite the fact that _his_ confidence was causing me to doubt myself.

'_How the hell did I get myself into this mess?'_

As if he'd received a signal he'd been waiting for, the boar demon lunged, with a hoof like hand outstretched, quite prepared to knock me back into the wall; without thinking I deftly sidestepped the attack…Well, I _stumbled_ actually in a blind panic- His claws looked like they hadn't been trimmed in a _long_ time, and I doubted they were hygienic.

He skidded to a stop a few feet away from me, a disbelieving expression on his face- He obviously hadn't thought I'd have the presence of mind to move, despite the fact that I was packing less weight than him, and thus had a tad more agility than he did.

Shaking himself, he launched himself at me a second time, his meaty arm swinging around, specifically aiming for my midsection. I barely had enough time to leap backwards, my feet gliding above the stone. His claws caught the front of my tank, ripping the material easily though they only lightly grazed my stomach- Not enough pressure to pierce the skin, but enough for it to sting a little.

"Wouldja jus keep _still_?!" he roared, his stale breath as well as a tidal wave of spittle hitting me full on in the face.

I gagged, raising my arms to wipe the bodily fluid from my cheeks. Big mistake, as I suddenly got a heavy boot thrust into my stomach, sending me flying through the air a few feet. My breath whooshed out in a surprised and pained gasp, and my eyes rolled up into my head from the loss of oxygen. My crumpled body hit the stone with a jarring **thud**, and I rolled over and over until I managed to jam my elbow into the granite, effectively slowing myself to a stop, though I lost the skin on that part of my arm.

I lay there, dazed and winded, my eyes opening a fraction.

"Pathetic…" he drawled. "An you couldn' keep this wisp of a thing in line, Baldric?"

"Well, if you _hadn't_ noticed…The onna tops me by a foot…_And_ I wasn't sure if she had any abilities due to the Yokai blood she was infected with."

Turk snorted.

During their little exchange, I managed to push myself onto my hands and knees, and had already begun my awkward crawl towards the exit. Sure, I looked rather wretched in my newly mutilated pyjamas, and sure I was seriously slow…But I had to at least _try_ right? What could it hurt? The best thing I could do right now was buy myself some time, and Hiei would be more likely to appear at any moment. I heard the rapid approach of heavy footfalls, and I tried to speed up my pace.

"Where d'ya think yer goin?"

A heavy boot planted itself smack dab in the middle of my back, the weight causing my legs and elbows to buckle. I instantly ended up making pretty with the floor, my cheek pressed uncomfortably against the granite.

"Get off of me, you overgrown sausage!" I yelled, squirming all the while beneath his foot.

I soon found a hand in the tangled mass of hair on my head, followed by the excruciating agony of the strands being uprooted from my scalp as I was bodily lifted onto my feet. My hands wrapped around one beefy wrist, and I couldn't help the howl that sprung to my lips.

Turk smirked.

"Yer'll think twice before ya insult me, won'tcha?" he growled, his face mere inches from mine.

My vision blurred with moisture, and I turned away so that he wouldn't see the salty liquid welling up in my eyes. I'd rather die than give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry! I'd suck it up, and hopefully Hiei would turn up soon enough.

I felt a hand tugging at the hem of my shirt, and I shrieked.

"You filthy lecher! Stop it!"

I got a clip around the jaw for that outburst, and then the hoof continued its task of trying to undress me as quickly as possible.

Feeling the sting off both the slap _and_ the intense mortification, I threw my head back and screamed.

'_Hurry Hiei…'

* * *

_

'_Hurry Hiei…'_

The frightened whisper flickered through my mind, and I paused long enough to land quietly on a nearby branch. The onna was in pain…The knowledge brought forth a wave of emotion that I was slowly growing accustomed to.

I lifted a hand to clutch at the area where the ache throbbed hardest, my eyes narrowing with discontent. The uncomfortable sensation there was new to me, and I didn't like it- It was like…Something was gnawing at an unknown place in my chest, and it was irritating to say the least.

I glanced down, catching sight of a small gathering of lower level Yokai currently sprawled out around the embers of a dying campfire from my perch atop a branch in a withered tree. A piercing shriek rent the air, and I barely restrained myself from giving away my position with the growl that threatened to escape my lips. My attention was soon snagged by the sudden silence, and then abrupt topic change from the demons below me.

"Didja hear that?" one asked, gazing at the mansion off in the distance.

"Yeah…Sounds like Turk's showin the ningen a good time," another responded with an unsightly leer, twirling a stalk of straw in his mouth.

"She's gonna be fodder for our visitors anyway….Might as well have some fun before the main event," another added, a snake demon with bright orange eyes.

'_How dare they speak of my onna like that!'_ I mentally hissed. _'I'll slay you all!'_

I sprung into action, leaping from my perch and into the middle of the small group, my boots crushing out the last of the blazing ash. They barely had time to utter a panicked yell before my katana was whipped out of its sheath and brought around to meet their necks. The blade slid easily through flesh and muscle, and several seconds later, four heads dropped to the ground with muffled **thuds**. Blood sprayed from severed stumps, bathing the grass in the red liquid, a few droplets splashing onto my cheek and cloak.

I slowly straightened from my attacking stance, shaking the remaining moisture from my blade before re-sheathing it with a flourish that few could emulate.

"Hiei!"

The familiar voice had me turning sharply on my heel, and I gazed dourly at the approaching Detective, his oaf and the fox. They came to an abrupt halt as their eyes fell on the bloody massacre behind me- And Kuwabara turned away, his face a slight shade of green. I snorted at that- Only girls would find such a scene nauseating.

"Seems you've started the party without us…"

Yusuke was the one to break the awkward silence, the brunette rubbing the back of his head nervously. I didn't bother responding, and I turned away from the trio, folding my arms across my chest instinctively- Only to grimace when my arms brushed against a sticky substance. Containing my disgust, I removed my cloak and watched as it fluttered to the ground.

"Have you ascertained Lydia's whereabouts, Hiei?" At my negative response, he suggested I locate her using my Jagan.

I lifted a bandaged hand to my forehead, slipping a finger beneath the pristine cloth. With a sharp tug, it came loose, baring my Jagan to the cool breeze that snaked its way around me. I closed my eyes not soon after, placing all my concentration into my unnatural third eye. In response the pupil dilated and glowed with energy.

Everything seemed so much clearer now.

I focused all of my energy into the Jagan, locating and locking onto the spiritual signal that was uniquely Lydia's, following the path it created- It was violet and pulsing with energy as well as something else I couldn't pinpoint at that moment. My breathing deepened and slowed as I continued to follow the ribbon of light as it led me downward; passing through walls and floors until I came to a small chamber that I was sure was at least a couple hundred feet beneath the earth we were currently standing on.

The scene I witnessed caused me to scowl.

The onna was being restrained by a demon three times her size, her body bare of all clothing. My eyes narrowed as rage started to build, causing me to tense. A much smaller demon was currently trying to force a skimpy piece of cloth up over her hips, the task made all the more difficult by the panicked squirming she was doing. The outfit, I acknowledged, wasn't appropriate for the whores that frequented the seedier taverns in the Makai- Let alone her.

Another alarmed yell ricocheted around the small chamber, finding its way to the surface and to the strained ears of the Reikai Tantei as well as my own.

"How _dare_ they disrespect the onna!" I snarled once the sound trailed off into nothingness, my emotions getting the better of me for the first time since Yukina's kidnapping; "How _dare_ they touch what's mine!"

My entire body shook with barely suppressed rage, and I could feel my demonic energy seeping out with each passing second. The fox remained unfazed by my reaction, though the other two were knocked back into a nearby tree by the powerful aura that suddenly engulfed my frame- The air **crackling**with black flames and electricity.

"Woah, Shrimpy's short-circuiting!"

Growling darkly in the back of my throat, I turned to glower at the carrot-topped moron- Delighting in the terrified expression coupled with the girlish screech that spilled from his lips. I took a step forward, fully intent on pounding one of the many irritations of mine into the dirt, when a calming hand landed on my smouldering shoulder. The smell of lightly toasting flesh reached my nose, the scent rather intoxicating- And I paused.

"Now is not the time, Hiei…You must think with a calm mind if we are to save Lydia, ne?" Kurama's soothing tones managed to tame me somewhat, and I slowly relaxed, the Yoki I was exuding minimising little by little until all that was left was the smoking glint in my eyes. "The Red Moon is a mere sliver in the sky, and I doubt that the ceremony will be put off for much longer for fear that we may storm the place."

I shifted my weight from foot to foot, debating the kitsune's rationality- But the urge to kill was still thrumming through my veins, and if my blade did not meet the baka's flesh, it would only take up residence in someone _else's_ gut, that I was sure of.

"Ch…Baka's not worth my time;" I grunted roughly, promptly flittering off in a blur of black, leaving my stunned companions in my wake.

'_Hold on, onna.'

* * *

_

God hates me. That _must_ be it. I mean, who else would be _so_ perverse to place me in such a demeaning position? But what could I have done to invoke the Holy One's ire? I know I hadn't done anything truly terrible…No mass murders; I never skipped class…I rarely lied and when I did they were only _small_ ones, not worth the trouble of setting me up for this prolonged fall.

I'll tell you now, I did _not_ do _anything_ to deserve being trussed up and garnished like a turkey on Thanksgiving…So why did I find myself bound hand and foot in uncomfortable hemp rope and dressed in something even _Paris freakin Hilton_ wouldn't be caught dead in…Not even when she got herself shitfaced?

That was when my brain decided to produce an idea. Gasp! And we all know what _that_ means…

He was _jealous_. Yes ladies and gentlemen, God is _jealous_ of little old me. Why? Because I had a sexy fire demon, and he did not. Wait…If that was indeed true, wouldn't that make him gay? The thought gave me pause, and I conjured an image of a seriously camp male with outrageously short shorts, a Hawaiian shirt, knee high socks and hideous sandals.

I cringed, though an amused smile tugged at my mouth.

"Ya know, she looks rather tasty in that there getup…"

The pig demon's guttural tones brought me out of my musings on God's sexuality, and I glanced at him from over my shoulder.

I wish I hadn't.

Turk's tongue slid out of his mouth, curling around the corners of his lips which were upturned in a hideous leer. I shuddered inwardly, though I glared daggers at him. If looks could kill, he'd definitely be a pile of ash…No! He'd be reduced to mere particles drifting in the breeze of life, lonely and friendless! And when did the lout suddenly develop a sight American twang?

"What d'ya think, Baldric?"

The addressed demon merely shrugged his shoulders, "I don't think it makes much of a difference…You can't turn a sow's ear into a silk purse by simply dressing her up."

…_What_?! The freakin extra from that British children's show 'The Fimbles' just _insulted_ me! How dare he?! My temper roared into life, and he recoiled when he sensed the waves of discontent rolling off of me in waves.

Yes, fear me puny weakling!

The clatter of boots against the cobbled steps halted the silent war between me and Baldric, and our gazes both snapped to the entryway where the Master was standing tall, impeccably turned out and with a hand absently smoothing at his grey hair.

Turk fell awkwardly to his knee, his head dipping in acknowledgement of the other's station, whilst his comrade dropped clumsily into a full length bow, his knees and overly long snout pressed tightly against the cold stone.

The Master barely gave the two a second look as he swept past them with an elaborate _swish_ of his crimson lined cloak. He stopped abruptly in front of me, and squatted down to my level, a clammy hand gripping my chin in an iron grip and forcing my gaze up to meet his cool calculating eyes.

I met his stare head on in an act of misplaced defiance, and I received a sharp slap to my cheek for my trouble. My eyes watered momentarily, and I glared heatedly.

"You've done well Baldric," he admitted, leaning back slightly to get a better look at the 'attributes' that were placed on show. "…Not what you would call a real beauty, but she looks a damn sight better than when we first brought her in, ne?"

His eyes slid southward, taking note of my current attire. The scrap of silk provided scant protection from his lascivious gaze; the bodice was tight and pushed my modest bust up and out, displaying a small amount of cleavage, whilst the skirt barely covered my butt- Fortunately for me, they provided panties, so I didn't have to suffer the humiliation of wandering around bare assed in the windiest building on Earth.

My cheeks suffused with colour, and I averted my gaze, finding the floor much more interesting than the demon before me. He chuckled dryly at my sudden bashful display, and stood up in one fluid movement, all cat-like grace despite that uncoordinated left leg of his.

"Well," he announced serenely; "I do believe it's time. Come, lets take our little sparrow to the tower- I feel the restlessness of our brothers, don't you?"

A gasp escaped my lips as I was hoisted up like a sack of potatoes, landing with a jarring motion atop Turk's shoulder, the wind knocked out of me for the umpteenth time this evening. Whilst I tried to recover my breath, I stiffened when I felt an unfamiliar hand slap my rear with a resounding _thwack_!

"Y-you sonuva b-…" the rest of my expletive was cut off, when a hand clapped across my mouth.

Moments later, it was removed, leaving a sticky substance from corner to corner- And I crossed my eyes to get a better look at what it was. My eyebrows knitted together in frustration as I sent a scathing look at the one who had taped my mouth shut.

"Remember dearest, Silence is golden…" he admonished with a slight wag of his index finger; "…But duct tape is silver, and much easier to come by!"

He laughed at his own joke, and I mumbled something about how lame he sounded, though it came out in a garbled mix of grunts and whistles.

Composing himself, he motioned us onwards, though that sly grin curled his lips as we ascended the stairwell- My final hour as it were, approaching with an unsettling speed.

'_Where the hell are you Hiei?!'_

_

* * *

_

**Spirit:** -sigh- Well, this chapter would've been a helluva lot _longer_ if my dearest piece of technology had not spazzed out on my last night and erased all my wonderful work...Though to be honest, this version was better than the last if I do say so myself. You must _all_ agree, despite the fact that you never saw the first draft. Such is my power of you, mwah! Anyway...I'm toying with two ideas; I'm not sure whether to do an uberly long and drawn out chapter that _included_ the epilogue or put the epilogue in an _entirely_ new chapter all by it's lonesome.

You as the reviewers, get to decide. One long ass chapter Versus Two chapters.

Don't forget; _constructive_ criticism is appreciated, and **complimentary** reviews even more so!

* * *

**To My Loyal Fans:**

I know I _never_ properly name and thank those who review my chapters, so here is where I will express my undying love for you all!

**_Ze Bishquet:_** My wonderful idol person . I _love_ your work, and I must say I was **extremely** chuffed when you started reviewing _my_ story. I totally love you. In a non-scary-fangirl way...-cough- And update yours too, ne?

**_ShadeSpirit:_** Yes, I _have_ read your stuff, and I review constantly. Well I try to xD I enjoy your work _just_ as much as Bishquet's, and I'm glad you take the time to read mine. Lots of luff to you too.

**_Zoe:_** I'm not even going to bother to name all of those little _screennames_ you come up with, it'd give me a headache. One of my closest friends, you've reviewed every chapter and every story I've written _as well as_ beta'd some of my chapters. Your quirkiness gives me IDEAS! Yes. You totally rock.

**_Sofie:_** You review just as much, my bestest friend in the whole wide world! I know you have a lot going on in your life right now, but you still put aside time for the reading of my chapters, and sometimes beta'd them as well. Snuggles for you love.

**_Incessant Embers:_** Your praise means alot coming from another talented writer such as yourself. I _will_ get around to reading your stories when work stops putting me on 12 hour shifts.

**_Twilight Kumorichu:_** I think you've reviewed every chapter y'know...Thanks a lot, it means a great deal D

**_Era and Laceh:_** My coolest people ever. You two give me confidence and inspiration in my writing, and you give my link to other people too...xD The Spirit Brand will overtake the world mwah!

**_GuppiesWillOwnYou:_ **You loved Baldric! You love my story! I LOVE YOU!

**_Lectaelf:_** You don't like the smut...But your criticism when you give it is constructive, and I thank you for it.

**_Nickielalalala...Etc:_** Dude, there are _too_ many 'las' in your name. -sweatdrop- Anyway, my fellow pervert...Look forward to a sequel with an adult Lydia and a _very_ infatuated fire demon mwah.

**_Inu Shojo:_** I'm glad my writing creates an empathic bond between you and Lydia...Lol.

Wow, there are so many people who review out there. And my hands are getting tired here, so I'll give you your mentions.

**_RoGMethos  
Shadow-Ninja-Fay  
Kikyo's A Bitch and Should Die  
LunarGuardianPhoenix  
MikoHatome  
AnimeFreak2306  
BlackFlamedKitsune2000  
lil'rockgirl  
DarkUnicornMaster  
Trish  
Dana  
Venata  
ThoughtSpinner  
Gaara's Pyro RACCOON  
xBleedingxFromxMyxHeartx  
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Ravyn  
Kohaku Hoshi  
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redfoxmoon  
Gohstchan  
RoxasSanctuary  
nisha760  
Arianacat  
ChishioShakun  
A Falling Angel  
leh  
fangimation_**

...And that's all of them. My love goes out to all of you!**_  
_****_  
_**


	14. Chapter 14

**Title: **Legally Sane

**Pairings:** HieixOC

**Disclaimer:** Yu Yu Hakusho, I own not.

**

* * *

Chapter Fourteen: A One Way Ticket To Hell**

Sanity had once again deserted me; leaving me high and dry to deal with Fear and Panic. I hate it when she does that. 'She', you ask? Well in my little world, I had turned those three into little 'Shoulder-Angels' as it were- Sanity of course ruled the roost, keeping the other two in check by always finding a suitable explanation for everything, _thus_ not giving Fear and Panic a chance to kick up a fuss. Unfortunately for me, Sanity has started taking vacations recently without so much as a by your leave when she came across something she _couldn't_ explain; namely the demons that have wanted to eat me.

So here I am, my wrists bound with a thick uncomfortable chain that hung from the rafters above, my feet only _barely_ touching the raised dais beneath me, though I had to keep myself on tiptoe for fear of dislocating my arms.

Just behind me, sat four wizened men, who had been introduced to me by Baldric as Turk went about the business of tethering me to the girders above me. If I remembered correctly, they were known as 'The Elders' and were the _actual_ masterminds behind this entire plot to overthrow the Human Realm and use the humans to sate their appetites. I had merely nodded politely at each of them as they were named, Sanity having still been with me at that time.

I glanced around me nervously, taking in the veritable _sea_ of lower class demons clawing frantically at the platform I stood on; the cacophony of growls and hisses of approval raising to an unbearable crescendo. They were out for blood, and it terrified me.

"Wouldja look at those _legs_!" one howled in pure excitement.

I flushed a ruddy hue, cursing the way I was bound. With my arms stretched upwards to their fullest, the 'skirt' of my dress had risen considerably, and if it were not for the panties, everyone would've had a clear view of my butt.

"Way for the Master to tease us, with such a _succulent_ morsel…" another added, and I yelped as I felt his hand clasp around my bare ankle.

I tried to shake it off, but the claws dug into the tender flesh there, and I winced. Thankfully for me, Baldric was feeling slightly sympathetic to my plight and had decided to take a commanding step forward, stamping his booted foot on the unwanted appendage. The demon hissed, and leapt back, cradling his injured wrist, sending scathing glares at the one-eared demon at my side.

"The Onna's blood will not be shed _before_ the ceremony;" he reminded the gibbering crowd. I shot him a grateful smile, though it slid right off of my face with his next addition; "Afterwards, I don't see any reason to stop you from devouring what's left. Just remember to share."

Shaking his head slowly, the blue sloth made his way to his original spot beside me. Turk flanked my other side, his beefy arms folded tightly across his barrel-like chest, those piggy eyes of his staring each and every demon down with an ominous warning.

"Oi, ye rowdy bunch'a lowly maggots! Take _one_ step closer an I'll have yer heads!" he bellowed into the crowd, and they all took an involuntary step backwards. They seemed to know _not_ to mess with the burly Boar Demon.

The entire ordeal was tiring to say the least. My nerves were stretched taut, and I tipped my head back, finding solace in the cloudless sky peppered with stars and the last sliver of the Red Moon above me.

Where was Hiei now? Did he even know I was gone? The thought caused my heart to sink. What if he _did_ know? I wondered if he would lower himself to save me for the umpteenth time since he met me. Having to deal with all the trouble that followed me like a dark cloud must be a complete pain in the ass for a demon who preferred his own company to everyone else's.

'_Baka…He wouldn't leave you to rot here. Stop doubting him.'_ Rationality, a close friend of Sanity's piped up chidingly in the back of my mind. _'He's probably frantic with worry, y'know.'_

I snorted mentally at that, a rueful grin tugging at the corners of my mouth. 'Frantic with worry' my Aunt Fanny- He was probably muttering a surly 'good riddance' at this very moment as the situation was explained to him by the Spirit Detective and his friend.

Shaking my head, I lowered my gaze once more to the throng before me, a frown causing my brows to knit together. A sudden hush had come over the disorderly mob, and I found myself in a staring contest with the Master again. His expression was one of expectation, and I found myself at a loss.

"Did you…Uh…Say something?" I queried uneasily, not wanting to enrage the man. I was in enough trouble as it was.

The Master released an impatient sigh, looking rather put out. "I _said_ that the time for your untimely demise is upon you; and I explained to the entire assembly that you and the podium will be bathed red in the viscous liquid that flows through your veins." At my bland look, he bristled. "You're supposed to shriek hysterically and beg for your life, foolish ningen!"

I blinked, mentally acknowledging that he was actually right. It wasn't as if I felt no fear…I wasn't brave, and I felt the pang of my own mortality keenly. It was just…That I felt rather detached from it all, as if I were watching the scene being played out from the sidelines.

I murmured a quick, "Oh…Right," after a few moments of silence before I threw back my head and shrieked, albeit feebly.

This seemed to assuage him somewhat as he backed off with a small nod of approval once the wail had trailed off into nothingness. Tsking idly beneath his breath, he turned to a female _just_ as scantily clad as I was- If not more, though the crimson curtain of silky hair cascaded to her waist, hiding whatever parts of her were teasingly revealed. When she had appeared, I didn't know.

"Yami-san…" he cooed affectionately, slipping an arm around the girl's waist. My eyebrow rose a notch at the name. Didn't Yami mean 'dark'?

"Yes Master?" Her voice was void of emotion, her eyes cast down, and unwilling to meet his own.

The Master slid something into her hand, murmuring something in her ear, followed by a lusty nip to the lobe. Yami remained unfazed, her head cocking to the side a moment before she'd give a silent nod of understanding. He took a few steps back, and spun on his heel to face me, a malicious look twisting his otherwise handsome features, making him look almost grotesque and sinister.

"As you wish, Master. I am, as always, at your service."

The girl strode towards me in small, measured steps her fiery mane swishing in a hypnotizing arc with each sensual sway of her hips. My eyes widened fractionally, my gaze dropping to her arms which she had conveniently placed behind her back, the churning in my stomach raising a notch.

She stopped right in front of me, and everyone behind looked on with scarcely hidden interest and excitement. The air felt heavy, and I squeaked when her hand came out from behind her back in a blur. The next thing I knew, I felt the cold sting of a knife at my throat, and I flinched reflexively.

"H-hey now!" I stuttered nervously. "D-don't you think it's a bit early in the relationship for the kinky stuff?!"

I amaze myself sometimes- I can't believe when faced with a life or death situation, I respond with a cheap joke. God help me.

When the blade's pressure increased, I gulped, my eyes frantically trying to catch hers. Yami seemed to feel my need to see her face and she tilted her chin, her countenance expressionless.

My gaze clashed with dead eyes. They were a fathomless black, an unending inky void- Glassy and lifeless. My shocked visage was reflected back at me, and I knew she couldn't see me at all. Not really. There was no soul, nothing that stated that she was her own person and I doubted she knew what she was about to do.

"Do you like my doll?" I glanced up sharply at the voice; "Humans are such malleable creatures…All you need to do is break the soul, and they become a most willing slave. Isn't that right, Yami-san?"

I resisted the urge to gag at the admission.

"So, she's not really alive, is she?" I asked quietly, my attention returning to the girl who held my life in her fragile hands.

Yami looked so delicate; her skin held an unhealthy pallor, almost luminescent in its paleness and her lips were a striking red, a stark contrast, though it did not detract from that frail beauty of hers. Yes, despite her being the 'walking-dead', I could not deny her loveliness. Though she had enough to turn _any_ man's head, I couldn't help the pity that rose in me. She could not feel as I could, she had no thoughts of her own save for the ones the Master placed in her mind…Her body was not her own either.

"Enough of the small talk. Yami-san, if you please…?"

The knife slowly retracted from my throat, and I allowed myself the luxury of relaxing for a brief instant. The blade soon returned, though this time it was forced against the vulnerable pulse beating in both of my wrists. I knew now what they planned to do- To slowly drain me of my lifeblood, to satisfy the lust of the demons that had assembled here.

The girl hesitated for a second, and as if she had been ordered harshly, she ripped the metallic dagger across my wrists, the pain fleeting. There and gone again in an instant, replaced with a lethargic throb as my heart pumped harder, forcing the crimson liquid out in short bursts.

'_Heh…I see I was right. He did not come for me,'_ I thought dryly, my head lolling to the side and onto my shoulder.

'_No! He can still appear!'_ Hope yelled, and I laughed.

'_Even if he did, it'd be too late. He'd need to get through the wall of demons surrounding me, and by then I would have faded into nothingness.'_

The crowd began baying, though the noise was nothing more than an irritating buzzing sound in my ears. I was losing focus, that much I could tell, from the way my vision distorted and the way my knees crumpled beneath me. The strain on my shoulders was rather comforting, the ache there proof that I was _still_ alive, for how much longer I did not know.

'_I was hoping to get at least a kiss from that hot fire demon before I kicked the bucket…'_ came my lucid thought, _'Sorry Hiei, you've failed your mission it seems. I hope Koenma doesn't rip into you too much over it.'_

As if he had somehow heard me, the doors that led to the Tower room where we currently were, abruptly splintered before being thrust open with an almighty force, jerking everyone's notice, including my own. My eyes snapped open from their lazy half-mast, and my grey eyes clashed and held a pair of crimson hues.

There, framed in the doorway, was my diminutive crush, his gravity defying hair and impossibly rigid stature decked out in his customary black attire causing him to stand out among the motley crew that surrounded the dais.

"Hiei…?" I murmured wearily, my voice barely audible at this point from the exhaustion dragging on my consciousness.

Time seemed to stand still. His eyes were wide and the depth of fear I saw mirrored in their depths was startling to say the least. I'm pretty sure that _no-one_ had seen that before, and the realization caused my lips to quirk up in an involuntary smile. Hiei's gaze travelled to the source of the scarlet liquid that was beginning to stain the virgin silk that encased my body and he seemed to stiffen.

"Onna!"

His fury filled scream seemed to snap everyone out of their surprised daze, and they turned as one to cast enquiring looks at the Master. The smirk that had once resided on the Master's face had long since disappeared, and in its place was a look of utter confusion and doubt. It was obvious he hadn't counted on this happening, and he turned to peer over his shoulder at the Elders seated behind me.

They had no such problem in taking charge. One of them leapt to his feet, pointing a commanding finger at the bunch of them, his voice high; "Kill him!" he then shot a look at the Master. "And you! Finish the ritual before she shrivels up!"

The demons surged forward as one, and I saw Hiei unsheathe his sword in one fluid movement. I tried to call out to him once I'd lost sight of him, but my fears were put to rest when I heard the familiar attack calls of his comrades.

"Rei-gun!"

Ah, Yusuke. A bright beam of blue light sliced through the middle of the crowd, disintegrating those in its destructive path, illuminating the Spirit Detective. Rushing into the fray behind him, was Kuwabara, his spirit sword held high- The oaf swinging at _anything_ that moved…Almost hitting his partner every once in awhile due to his uncontained zeal.

I searched the writhing mass of bodies frantically for any sign of Hiei, and I finally caught sight of him far off to my left slicing easily through the sea of demons. After every few swings, he'd summon flames to his free hand, using that to knock as many of them out of the way as possible.

At one point, he was almost overwhelmed, and before I could draw a breath to scream, a thick green 'rope' coiled around several demons.

"Rose whip!"

The redheaded kitsune appeared at the end of it, and the whip tightened with a sharp flick of the his wrist, effectively slicing and dicing them into sizeable chunks of flesh. He glanced up, catching sight of my condition, and those ivy eyes of his narrowed with concern.

"Lydia! Hold on, we're almost there!"

I rolled my eyes at his chivalrous words, and managed a weak nod. Not soon after, I closed my eyes as I felt my energy drain further.

"_Zim eratus lodium; hirato jys o'loctum_…" the unfamiliar words jerked me back to consciousness, and I shot the speaker a venomous glare.

Couldn't a girl get a _little_ shut eye, without _someone_ interrupting it?

The voice belonged to non other than the Master, and with each utterance, the floor beneath me began to glow all the more brighter, casting an eerie green shadow across me and the entire dais.

"_Beratum oratae fyze eratus…_"

The chanting continued, and so did the growing radiance. By this time, I was way past fear- I had fallen into weak acceptance, knowing that even though my friends were hear and fighting to get to me, they'd more than likely be too late. The knowledge did not depress me as much as it should have; I expected myself to whine and cower from my end, but instead I had found an inner calm.

"_Horitain plathora aberainus tsen_…"

A pair of black gates appeared a few feet in front of me, the height and breadth rather intimidating. With each new utterance of the incantation, they began to slide open a fraction at a time, releasing a foul decaying odour, black flames licking at the edges. Were these the gates of Hell?

No, they were the doors that led to the Makai; a home of demons that wished to annihilate my world and everything in it.

My strength was failing, and I found it an uphill struggle to keep my eyes open. I looked away from the gates to focus on something else less…Disturbing. My eyes alighted on a familiar fire demon, and I noted how extremely hot he looked right now, his muscles flexing beneath that tight tank of his. Yup, this was how I wanted to die; with him imprinted in my mind's eye.

He had almost reached me, as had the other three. I must say, I found the energy to be mildly impressed at this, as there had been well over two hundred demons crammed into this tiny chamber. Their numbers were now dwindling; most dead, whilst quite a few had fled in terror.

"…_Imperius roto esque en lievien est!_"

The spell came to an end, the Master's voice high and quavering on the last word. I closed my eyes, fully prepared to fall head first into a pit of hungry demons and the like- But the doors remained only half-open, and nothing more was happening.

But why?

I hazarded a look over my shoulder, only to find that the Master seemed perfectly fine; that is if you didn't count the sharp point of a sword that was protruding from his chest. He voiced a startled protest, his hands lifting to cup the blood that now leaked from the mortal wound. In the space of time it took to blink, the sword was wrenched upward, neatly slicing through the bone and gristle of his shoulder. Almost as soon as it had left his body, it swung back round, instantly decapitating him- Creating a clear view of my rescuer.

"Ne Hiei…D'ya have to be so…gruesome?" I rasped, humour lacing my words as my entire body sagged all the more from lack of blood and energy.

The blade dropped to the ground with a rusty _clatter_ and quicker'n you can say 'Bite Me', I was cut loose somehow, and cradled in the fire demon's lap. This was all well and good, but shouldn't he be paying attention to the _gates_? I tried to voice my thoughts, but only managed a strangled squeak.

"Silence Onna…You need to conserve your strength," he snapped gruffly, shifting me into a comfortable position in his arms so that he could tend to the slashes on my wrists.

I did as I was told, watching on in silence as he slipped his tank off and began to swiftly tear them into strips thick enough to cover the wounds. Wrapping my wrists firmly, he pulled me even closer to his body when he felt my form begin to tremble.

Kurama appeared at our side, and he placed a gentle hand at my throat to check how strong my pulse was, and his brows knitted in worry.

"Her body is going into shock," he stated grimly, taking note of the slight chattering of my teeth and the deathly pallor of my skin. "She's lost a lot of blood, it's a wonder she's still alive…The best thing you can do, is to keep her as warm as possible. If her body decides to shut down, then she'll…"

Hiei cut him off with a warning growl, though his hands began to rub up and down my arms briskly, trying to work the remaining blood around my body, drawing it to the surface to help cease my shivering.

"Yes, well. We'll need to get her to Reikai as soon as possible. Koenma will be able to help her. But until the Spirit Defence Force gets here and opens a direct portal, we'll just have to sit tight."

The redhead ran a comforting hand through my matted hair, and gave me a gentle smile before striding off to help the other two in subduing the last of the demons, as well as the Elders who had mysteriously disappeared during the uproar.

"N-ne, H-Hiei…" I stuttered, trying to avoid biting down on my own tongue; "I-I h-have s-s-something t-to say…"

He rolled his eyes. "Now is not the time for talk, Onna. Don't you ningen females know when to shut up?" His question was rhetorical, but I stuck my tongue out at him and answered anyway.

"A-apparently n-not," I assured him in as bright a tone as I could manage.

"Hn."

"A-anyway," I began, determined to finish off what I was about to say before, despite the fact that my body screamed for sleep. "I w-wanted to s-say that I l-like you."

Hiei's hands stilled their comforting movements, one hand cupping my chin, forcing me to look up at him.

"What did you just say…?" he murmured, disbelief evident in his voice.

I scowled slightly. It was hard enough saying it the first time, and now he was trying to get me to say it again? The bloody cheek! I'm dying here, and he decides to develop hearing problems…

"I s-said that I l-like you, b-baka!" I mumbled, my gaze not wavering from his own. Well I've said it now…No need to be bashful. "W-what a t-time to acquire h-hearing p-problems!"

He smirked at my resurfacing personality, though his face, which had always seemed so angular and harsh, softened considerably. I stared at him in wonder as that smirk melted away into a heartbreaking smile that I had _never_ seen before, a soft laugh escaping from his lips. A bandaged hand cupped my cheek, and he leant towards me until our noses touched.

His eyes closed briefly, and when they reopened, he spoke.

"I…Find you…Tolerable, Onna."

A grin of my own curved my lips, and I settled back in his arms, fully relaxing. My body felt like lead, and my mind was floating- I wasn't all there, I knew that much. Exhaustion tugged insistently at the fringes of my mind, and I fought it off for as long as I could.

I reached out to tug a lock of unruly black hair affectionately, my lids lowering slowly with each passing second.

"Y-you b-better."

The moment the words were vocalized, my eyes finally closed, and I gave into the soothing inky void of unconsciousness.

Hiei shook me once, twice…Three times.

"Onna?…Onna, answer me! _Onna_! If you die on me, I swear I will drag your soul out of the pits of Hell and incinerate it with my Kokuryuha! Are you listening to me?!"

Hiei's panicked threats faded, and the last thing I heard was the soft _plink_ of something hitting the stone by my head.

I knew no more.

* * *

**Spirit:** Wow, this chapter is kinda angsty x.x; Well, I guess it has it's humorous moments, right?! Okay, the next chapter is the _last_ chapter. I'll try to get it up as soon as possible...And hopefully it'll be the longest chapter out of the fourteen of them x.x I make no promises though...It depends on my creativity. Everyone knows the drill; _constructive_ criticism is appreciated and **complimentary** reviews even more so!

Thanks to all those who have reviewed!


	15. Epilogue

**Title:** Legally Sane

**Pairings:** HieixOC

**Disclaimer:** Yu Yu Hakusho, I own not!

**

* * *

****Chapter Fifteen: It's Not Over By A Long Shot!**

"Please…?"

"No."

"Pretty please with _me_ on top?"

There was a slight pause, and I waited with bated breath for his answer- Puppy dog eyes all a-sparkle and my lower lip trembling in the cutest pout I could muster. Crimson eyes slid from their contemplation of the waterlogged field, an eyebrow raising at my expression.

"Is there something wrong with your face?"

If I'd been standing up, I would've probably fell to the floor from exasperation- But as I was still in bed, I managed to sweatdrop. Who was I kidding? The 'cute' looks don't work with Hiei; he had no clue what they meant as he didn't really deal with females all that much. Though I always wondered why he gave into Yukina so often, when faced with her smile or tears.

"No, there's nothing wrong with my face!" I snapped, folding my arms across my chest. "Don't sidestep the issue! I've been cooped up in my room for _four_ days after the week long of unconscious slumber! I have cabin fever…"

Seeing where my little self-pitying rant was going, he closed his eyes, fingers rubbing absently at his temples.

"What part of 'No' don't you understand?" he finally ground out, interrupting me.

"…All of it?"

"Onna," he began again, taking a deep breath to calm himself; his patience had been thinning at a ridiculously fast pace since I'd woken up. "You've only _narrowly_ escaped death, and a week and a half of rest is not going to kill you- It's to help you regain the strength you've lost. So why don't you conserve it by shutting the _hell_ up?!"

I blinked; and he seemed to take my temporary silence as me bending to his will, as he turned away from me again to glower at the rainy landscape. I flopped back onto my pillows, an arm flung over my eyes in frustration.

"Stupid mothering demons…" I grumbled beneath my breath; "Bloody hypocrite…Love to see _him_ be babied…Probably decapitate em…"

"Hn. If you value your ability to speak, I suggest you quit while I'm feeling magnanimous."

I immediately stemmed the scathing reply that came readily to my lips, and I lifted my forearm long enough to shoot him a mutinous glare. Just because I wasn't 'allowed' to speak, didn't mean I wasn't allowed to curse him in my mind.

'…_Demented munchkin…'_

I felt, rather than saw his displeasure.

'_Onna…'_ came the warning growl.

Oops…I'd forgotten that his extra eye gave him the ability to listen in on other people's thoughts.

'_Well, if you don't like what you hear, Dwarf-chan…Don't listen in on my thoughts.'_

He remained silent, though his back was stiffer than it had been before. Slight remorse at having cut his relaxation short rose in my throat, and I crawled out from between my sheets. Swinging my legs over the edge of the bed, I padded over to the sill where he was, and took a seat next to him.

"Get back into bed, onna."

I rolled my eyes, resting my back against the wall behind me, my legs straddling the ledge. I ignored his words, and instead voiced the thought that had been running through my head ever since I'd woken up.

"…You're leaving soon, aren't you?"

My question was soft, and held no accusing undertones. Hiei glanced at me quickly, surprised; though his expression returned to its usual inscrutable state, and he looked away again.

"Hn."

Hiei folded his arms across his chest, and he refused to meet my eyes. Gnawing lightly on my lower lip, I too glanced out of the window; the view not what one would call beautiful. The skies were grey, the clouds heavily laden with moisture- The air was thick enough for Hiei to cut with his katana, and I could actually _see_ the heat that rolled off of the grass in smoky wisps. We sat there for what seemed like an eternity in companionable silence, our legs barely touching.

"How long will you be gone for?" my voice sounded pathetically sad, even to myself, and I visibly cringed.

"I do not need to explain myself, onna."

Irritation sparked in me then, and I was about to snap that he _did_ need to explain himself, when the sliding door to my room suddenly caved in on itself; the wood and paper disappearing in a cloud of dust and debris. The two of us turned as one to eye the damage, and my eyebrow rose a notch.

Lying in a tangled heap, were a couple of foul-mouthed teenagers; one in green, the other in blue and they were furiously rolling around my bedroom floor, fists flying and curses hurled. Kurama appeared not soon after, an exasperated hand pressed to his forehead, and an angry twitch at his left eye.

"Do I even want to know what sparked _this_ little altercation?" I queried, giving the fox a sympathetic look.

He merely shook his head, and carefully stepped around the tangle of flesh currently writhing atop the tatami mats, his bare feet silent as he approached the spot me and Hiei were occupying on the other side of the room.

"I am _not_ whipped for the love of God!" snarled Yusuke, his arm around Kuwabara's neck in a crushing choke hold. "So take it back!"

The carrot top grunted in discomfort, his elbow jamming into the other's gut. "Why the hell should I, _teme_?!" came his sharp retort; "It's true! Keiko has you whipped, and you know it!"

I sweatdropped at this, a hand cupping the back of my neck to relieve the tension building up at the base. Way to ruin the mood guys…But the ruckus certainly did raise my spirits some, and I momentarily forgot my righteous indignation. Shooting the redhead a sideways look, I realised that this had probably been planned, and that the three of them had been eavesdropping.

"Nice timing, red…" I murmured with a rueful sigh.

"Whatever could you mean?" he responded, feigning innocence.

I snorted at this, and rose from my perch; pausing to stretch my arms far above my head. A series of satisfying _pops_ and _cracks_ issued from various parts of my spine and neck, and I groaned in pained delight.

"Well, the testosterone levels have risen considerably in here…I think I'll take a walk."

Hiei shot me a sharp look, his mouth opening to quash any hopes I had of ever escaping this God forsaken room…But Kurama, sensing my need for space and fresh air, clapped a hand over the fire apparition's mouth, effectively silencing him. Giving me an encouraging nod, he told me where I'd find my shoes, and I quietly exited the room.

* * *

I can't believe it! After all the warnings I'd given her, the onna _still_ disobeyed me! And what was more, the fox and the two idiots were in on this too, and had stopped me from kicking up a fuss!

Did they not care about the onna's health?

Growling low in my throat, I parted my lips beneath the fox's hand, my sharp incisors instantly biting into the soft flesh of his human palm. A startled yelp echoed around the room, and he snatched his hand back, cradling the injured appendage with a wounded scowl.

"What was _that_ for, if you do not mind me asking, Hiei?" he asked calmly, lifting his hand to his mouth, a pink tongue darting out to lap up the remaining droplets of blood- Most of it having come off on my own lips. I absently licked at them, enjoying the metallic tang.

Before I could even mutter a scathing reply, I felt an arm slung around my shoulders. A face was pressed close to mine, and I could smell the strange substance the Detective insisted he _must_ use on his hair to keep it in order. Personally, I never really understood why he'd want to slick it back like that…His hair wasn't long enough to annoy, or get in the way.

"Kurama, you should know by now…" Yusuke admonished cheekily, wagging a finger at the fox; "…That you mustn't, under _any_ circumstances, feed the animals. It's no wonder shorty tried to take a chunk out of you- Ow! What the fuck?!"

I smirked languidly as the Detective fell over backwards, clutching his means to a legacy.

"What was that about not feeding the animals, Yusuke?" I enquired in a bored monotone.

The boy merely wheezed his reply, his eyes doing all the talking for him. Hn…Served the boy right. Who did he think he was? His _friend_?

Kuwabara hefted the Detective to his feet, and practically dragged him out of the room, much to the brunette's displeasure. Shrugging carelessly, I went back to my thoughts, hoping my stiff body language would give the fox a hint- And he too would go. No such luck.

Several silent moments passed, and the wood on which I sat shuddered the tiniest amount as Kurama settled himself in next to me. Brushing a few wayward strands from his face, he turned to me with a speculative gleam in his eye.

"You have upset her, you do realise this don't you?"

Well, I guess I should be thankful that he didn't beat around the bush. I knew _exactly_ why he'd stayed behind, and why he'd staged the skirmish between Kuwabara and the Detective, in order to distract me long enough to allow the onna to escape the confrontation that was brewing.

"Hn. I made no promises to her, so she should not be feeling that way."

Kurama sighed.

"Look fox, I don't see what any of this has to do with you. Keep your nose out of my business, or you might lose it, along with your voice box."

I slowly rose to my feet, my hands thrust deep within the pockets of my voluminous cloak, and I hopped off of the ledge, and out into the fresh air. A hand on my shoulder gave me pause, and I glanced over it to meet a pair of emerald eyes.

"You will tell her goodbye, won't you?" When I said nothing, and continued to stare back at him unblinkingly, he ploughed on. "You won't just disappear from her life without saying farewell. You're not that callous."

I bowed my head a moment, my eyes closing with something I couldn't quite name- Though it was discomforting to say the least. Shaking his hand off of my shoulder, I made to continue along the grass, and hopefully off towards a fluctuating portal to the Makai when I heard his voice in my mind.

'_It's called guilt- And it's the type of human emotion that consumes everything if you let it.'_

Guilt? Ha! Like I'd ever feel such an emotion. I regretted nothing; and I'd definitely not regret whatever happens between me and the onna before I finally leave for good. I did not reply, but merely strode off at a slightly quicker pace, ignoring the weight that had appeared at the back of my mind. Niggling away.

"To deny this Hiei, is to deny yourself!" Kurama called out after me, his voice curling around me along with the breeze that had suddenly picked up.

"Whatever you say, fox." I grunted quietly to myself, before flittering off in a swish of black, leaving him leaning out of the window with his hand outstretched.

* * *

"Lydia-san! You shouldn't be out of bed!"

I paused in the task of slipping on one brown loafer, peering over my shoulder to see the crouched form of the mint haired darling. Her voice, though soft, was still scolding, and she toddled over to me at an extremely fast pace for one who was encumbered by heavy fabrics, and little to no leg room for proper manoeuvres.

"Yeah, Hiei said something similar," I replied with a smile.

"The weather isn't good for you," she stated with a worried look as she slipped to her knees beside me. "And your skin hasn't got its healthy flush back yet."

I grimaced at that, knowing she was right. I was still pale as a ghost, and the rings beneath my eyes were dark and scary looking, giving me the appearance of one who'd recently had her nose broken. I reached up to pinch my cheeks sharply, in hopes of recovering their natural rose- Only to end up with my eyes tearing up with pain. Ouch.

Yukina tsked softly at me, and fussed with the bandages that were wound tightly around my still healing wrists.

"You really should take better care of yourself, Lydia-san…" she murmured, "And Hiei-san is right! He worries about your health more than you do, and it's not even _his_ body."

At the mention of Hiei, I frowned slightly, my eyes downcast. Sensing my sudden shift in mood, Yukina peered at me more closely, a small hand tipping my chin up so that she could look me fully in the face.

"Your eyes are sad, Lydia-san…" she said softly, her crimson eyes darkening a shade with compassion. "…Did you have an argument with Hiei-san?"

I remained silent for a moment, debating on whether or not to spill my guts to the koorime, but with a mental shake, I decided against it. Forcing a cheery smile on my face, I waved an unconcerned hand at her.

"Me and Sparky? When _don't_ we have arguments?" I laughed weakly, pushing myself away from her and to my feet. "And if we did, why would this one be so different that it upsets me?"

Dusting off the seat of my borrowed jeans, I spun on my heel, presenting the girl my back so that she wouldn't see the cracks in my positive mask. Keeping the bright tone in my voice, I assured the girl that I wouldn't stay out too long, and that if I felt weak, I'd call out for help immediately.

Even as I sauntered out through the main temple doors with a small backhand wave, I knew that I hadn't convinced her and I silently thanked the ice apparition for being so understanding, and giving me room to breathe instead of smothering me in kindness. It wasn't what I needed right now.

Once I was sure I was out of sight of the building, I picked up the pace, not really paying too much attention to where I was going- Not that I knew my way around even a fraction of the grounds, but still.

Soon enough, and I had found myself in a small clearing, filled with various trees and…Little furry animals; a few of which gave me the evil eyes as I approached their tree.

Squirrels- The bane of my life, and one of my lamest fears.

The chattered noisily, each fixing me with their cute glares of doom. I returned them with just as much ferocity, and took another step forward, determined to claim the spot where the roots were raised, creating a sort of nook for those who wished to sit there.

One threw an acorn at me, and I got 'nutted' right in the forehead- The force causing me to go swirly eyed for a couple of seconds. Once I'd recovered, I flipped the lot of them the bird, and screeched angrily at them- Teeth and all!

The squirrels kinda jumped with fright, and scuttled into a hole near the top of the tree, with their bushy tails between their legs.

Yes! Fear me, for I am your master!

I stalked over to my seat, and sat down with my back resting lightly against the trunk, my arms lifting to fold them behind my head. I stared absently at the darkened sky, my mood sinking below the 'red'.

"_I wanted to say that I like you."_

"_I…Find you…Tolerable, Onna."_

Had he really said those words to me? Had that tender look in his eyes been real? Had his lips curved into that gentle smile? Or were those the product of my over active imagination coupled with hallucinations that were part and parcel with severe blood loss and shock?

And if he _had_ said that…Did I put too much stock into his words? Had he really _only_ meant that he found me tolerable, or was that his way of saying that he returned my feelings?

I sighed in frustration, my eyes closing against the sudden glare of light that had appeared from behind one of the more thicker clouds.

Sure, Hiei acted like he cared about my well-being…But what did he actually _feel_ about me? Did he find me a pain in the ass? Had he enjoyed my company over the past few months, despite the unsavoury company that seemed to constantly follow me around?

To say I was completely confused would be an understatement.

But then again…How did _I_ feel about _Hiei_?

I wouldn't call the feelings I had for him 'Love'- It was too strong a word for an emotion I'd only just recently acquired over such a small period of time. I did not believe in the phrase; 'Love at first sight'. I believed that one would feel such a powerful emotion after one had gotten to know everything about the other. The good, the bad and the ugly- And I cannot say that I have become acquainted with all of Hiei's many faces.

Sure, I found him extremely attractive, and his kisses did things to me that I'd never even dreamed about…Not to mention the _other_ things we'd done when he needed to vent out his sexual frustrations. Hehe…His company was appreciated, and wanted. He made me laugh, he made me mad…And I just enjoyed being around him, whether it be in the middle of a cut-throat fight, or just hanging out in my kitchen with a tub of chocolate Hagen Daas between the two of us.

But that was all going to change wasn't it? Now that his mission of protecting me was over, Hiei was going to move on…He was going to leave me.

How do I feel about that?

I feel…Lonely. He hasn't even left yet, but the knowledge leaves me hollow inside. I would never again see that arrogant smirk; or have the pleasure of poisoning him with my cooking. When I wake up in the night, restless, I won't be able to turn to the oak outside my window and invite him in for some idle chit-chat.

The thought of never seeing him again terrified me; and this I could readily admit to him.

Just thinking about it caused an irritable sting in the back of my eyes, and I glared sullenly at the sky, willing them to go away. I would _not_ cry. But even as I promised myself that, the salty moisture welled up and spilled out; the hot liquid trailing winding paths down my cheeks to pool at the slight cleft in my chin.

I remained silent, my lower lip caught in an unmerciful grip between my teeth.

The snap of a twig drew my gaze sharply to the entrance to the clearing, my eyes widening fractionally. There stood the object of my misery, in all his glory. He seemed just as shocked as I was, and he was the one to break the uncomfortable silence.

"Onna…"

* * *

"_To deny this Hiei, is to deny yourself!" _

The fox's words echoed dimly in my mind; and it seemed like they weren't going to go away anytime soon.

What did he know of my feelings? How _dare_ he assume, on such shaky grounds? A few months babysitting a ningen female does _not_ change a lifetime of emotional isolation…It does _not_ change a person's personality or outlook on the world around them.

I scowled darkly, my Jagan pulsing angrily beneath the bandana I wore as if it had been served a foul insult. I rubbed frantically at my temples to relieve the stress related headache that had been building up since the onna's rescue a couple of weeks back.

Yes. That was what she was. A mere headache; a painful brain spasm that I wanted to get rid of as soon as was demonically possible.

I rounded the side of the temple, almost stumbling into Yukina in my haste. I quickly grasped her tightly by her upper arms as she toppled backwards, jerking her sharply so that she remained upright.

"G-gomen nasai, Hiei-san!" she gasped once I'd released her, a hand clapping over her mouth in apologetic horror. "I wasn't watching where I was going! Lydia-san rushed off into the forest, and I was worried…"

The rest of her words seemed to blend together after that, and I continued to stare into innocent replicas of my own jaded crimson hues. They held a compassion that I could never emulate; they were wide and innocent despite the hardships she had suffered a few years back- Not even a major event like that had changed her, she remained the same, just as I have.

"…Hiei-san?"

I blinked, shaking myself mentally.

"What?" I snapped gruffly, wincing inwardly as she took an involuntary step back. I hadn't meant to do that.

"I was asking if Lydia-san had passed you?"

I shook my head. "No, I haven't seen her."

Yukina nodded, and smiled slightly at me. I gave her a curt bow, and stepped around her, continuing on my way.

"You care for her more than you'd like to admit."

Her words stopped me dead in my tracks. This seemed to please her, as she carried on, humour tinting her voice.

"You don't want to allow her to get too close, for fear of having her find out who you _reall_y are. You don't want her to reject you."

…Was I _that_ easy to read? Snorting softly, I gave her an 'I'm not impressed' look- Which had absolutely no affect on her whatsoever. She responded with a serene smile, and a small wave.

"If you're interested…She went in _that_ direction." Yukina signalled with a toss of her head to the right, before disappearing around the corner I had just rounded earlier.

I _wasn't_ interested. The sooner I got out of this miserable place, the sooner I could go back to my normal life. A life that didn't include a ditzy raven-haired girl with a strange sense of humour and a penchant for getting herself in trouble on a daily basis. Things would return to normal, and I would be free to brood in my tree until I was forcibly dragged onto the _next_ mission the pacifier sucking spirit prince decided I should join.

Grunting beneath my breath, I maintained my original destination, my boots making naught a sound on the grass- Though I paid no mind to where I was actually going…Perhaps that was why I had suddenly appeared in the same clearing as the person I was trying to get away from.

I paused at the entrance to the glade, momentarily stunned at the scene in front of me. There sat the onna, her back against a tree- A shaft of blinding white light illuminating her; causing me to think of her as some ethereal being.

I smacked myself for thinking something so lame.

Ethereal being my ass. The light only served to heighten the bags beneath those muddy eyes of hers, her hair was lank and tangled as if it hadn't been washed in awhile, and there were lines around her mouth. She had grown unbelievably pale, and to be honest she looked sickly.

Those imperfections only illuminated that not so classic beauty I had come to admire.

I shifted restlessly, and due to my lack of concentration, I inadvertently stepped on a fallen twig. The sharp _snap_ alerted her to my presence, and my eyes met watery and intensely confused grey hues.

Look away before it's too late! Quick…She hasn't completely registered your presence yet!

A sharp pang in my gut choked off whatever my Sanity had to say, and I frowned slightly. I took a hesitant step forward.

"Onna…"

* * *

"How long have you been there?"

I swiped angrily at my eyes, trying to remove all traces of my earlier sadness. Like hell I'd feed that bastard's ego, by allowing him to think I cared one whit about him leaving!

Once I was sure that all evidence of my slight lapse were gone, I rose to my feet with my arms folded defensively across my chest. He shifted slightly from foot to foot, before taking a few steps towards me, his eyes boring into mine.

"Long enough." was his response.

He stopped in front of me, and I found I could not increase the space between us as I was backed up against the tree. What a familiar position…Brings back some fond memories. Note my sarcasm.

Hiei watched me thoughtfully, his face as unfathomable as usual. I sighed deeply, and rested back against the trunk, crossing one ankle over the other.

"So what? Have you come to stare, or have you got something to say?"

"You were crying?" It was more of a statement than a question.

I visibly stiffened.

"In your _dreams_ Dwarf-chan- I had something in my eye, that's all."

Hiei did not look convinced. "Do not lie to me, onna. Nothing escaped my Jagan."

I snorted, and looked away. He caught my chin in a bandaged hand, and jerked my face back around so that he could glare at me. I glared right back.

"Yeah, and it also has some seriously shitty side-affects. So I'd be real grateful if you didn't use it on me."

Hiei cocked an eyebrow at me. "You cannot deny that they were…Interesting."

My glare softened somewhat, and I tried to reign in the smile that so readily wanted to spring to my lips. For the love of God, could I not stay mad at him?

"Yes…Turning my brother into a gender confused mess who wanted nothing more than to ravish Kurama was interesting…"

We both cast our thoughts back to that day when Hiei had used his Jagan to erase my brother's memories of the Cemetery Incident…Only for Keisuke to parade around town in my old ballet tutu, thinking he was a girl. Oh, and who could forget the disaster at Kurama's house not soon after? His parents would've been traumatised if he hadn't have erased their memories too.

It started off with a short snicker.

I clapped a hand over my mouth to stifle the sound, but when I saw the grin trembling on the fire apparition's lips- A snort like giggle escaped from between my fingers. His shoulders shook, and my face turned an interesting shade of purple.

Soon enough, and we were practically on the floor, laughing heartily. The depressing mood lifted, and we sat side by side on the grass; me clutching my stomach in an effort to calm the painful laughter induced spasms; him with a hand clapped over his knee to indicate his mirth at my poor brother's expense.

"…Alright, so it was mildly entertaining…" I agreed, once I'd subsided to the occasional giggle.

"Hn."

The silence that stretched out between us, was once again comfortable.

The sun had begun to set, though instead of the bright array of colours that would've suited the mood perfectly, the sky merely darkened to pitch black, the odd twinkle of a star flashing in the distance. Not the most romantic setting one could have; stuck in the middle of a slightly intimidating forest where demons have been known to roam.

"Onna."

"Yeah, Hiei?"

"…"

I sighed impatiently, and nudged him with my shoulder.

"What is it?…I promise I won't laugh."

He waited for a few minutes, obviously trying to pick the right words to describe what he wanted to say. Perhaps he didn't want to put his foot in it again. I waited patiently for him to continue, though inside I was squirming with the need to know.

"I am…Not very good…At expressing my feelings. These…Emotions are new to me."

I gaped at him in disbelief. But still, he did not look at me, so I guessed he couldn't see it in the growing darkness.

"But what I can do, is reiterate what I said to you two weeks ago. I still find you tolerable, onna. And that should be enough."

Hiei fell silent, and I could see that adorable pout. It made me want to hug this 'vulnerable' demon, but I refrained. I don't know how, but I did. Instead, I shoved him hard, and he tumbled awkwardly to the side as he hadn't expected it.

"Don't get all sentimental on me," I said, jumping to my feet again. "It doesn't suit you. And personally…It's not attractive in the least."

I glanced down at him with a cocky smile, a hand on my hip.

"If you were a nice guy, I would _never_ have given you a second look. Your shitty attitude is what attracts me. So don't go changing. Y'hear?"

Hiei stared up at me with something akin to wonder, and I thrust out my free hand to help him up. Surprisingly enough, I felt his warm calloused hand slip into my own, and I hoisted him up to eye level.

"And don't worry," I added. "I'm not gonna say the 'L' word around you, because then I'd be lying. I'm too young, and the 'relationship' wasn't long enough for that big an emotion to suddenly crop up."

I turned away, rubbing a finger under my nose in a slightly nervous gesture.

"Onna…"

I cut him off.

"I know you're going to go away. Sure I'll miss you like hell, cause you've really grown on me." I paused. "I'm not going to stop you. But could you promise me one thing?"

I sensed his suspicion. "What sort of promise?"

I smiled slightly, and glanced at him over my shoulder. "Promise that you'll come back. I don't mind when you do…Just…Come around and visit me, okay?"

Hiei's face remained blank as he digested this. Then a slow smile blossomed, his teeth a glaring white against his tanned skin. This was the second and probably the last time I'd see it for a long time.

"Hn. I'll think about it."

I heaved a sigh, and started to walk off in the direction of the temple…Or what I _hoped_ was the correct direction, casually waving at him from over my shoulder, though the hollow feeling grew in my stomach.

"Well, shouldn't you get going? The sooner you leave, the sooner you'll come back, right?"

My voice was rough, and with each step I took, the depression started settling in yet again. That is, until I felt a familiar heat engulf me from behind.

I gasped in shock as a pair of muscular arms circled my waist from the back, a chin resting lightly against the space where my neck and shoulder met. His hot breath fanned out across my skin, causing my flesh to break out in goosebumps and I couldn't help the shiver that wracked my frame.

"Don't be getting any foolish ideas, onna." He murmured against my neck. "If I come back, it won't be because of a 'promise' I made. I'll come when I'm ready, and you better be in the same frame of mind when that time comes."

A chaste kiss was pressed to my cheek, and just as sudden as it had arrived, the heat vanished.

Shaking slightly, I reached a hand up to finger the place where his lips had previously caressed, a slight blush tinting my cheekbones. Grinning like the lunatic I am, I slowly walked back to the temple without looking back- Because if I did, I would shatter the illusion that he was still there watching me.

"Sayonara, Dwarf-chan. Until we meet again."

**The End_…Or is it the start of something new?_**

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* * *

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**Spirit:** Omg...Legally Sane is now officially over...I can't believe I finished a story with a beginning, middle and an end! Yay me! Don't worry, to all those fans who liked this story...There _will_ be a sequel! Keep an eye out for Legally Sane 2.


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